Stalky & Co. by Rudyard Kipling (young adult books to read .txt) đ
- Author: Rudyard Kipling
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They crawled out, brushed one another clean, slid the saloon-pistols down a trouser-leg, and hurried forth to a deep and solitary Devonshire lane in whose flanks a boy might sometimes slay a young rabbit. They threw themselves down under the rank elder bushes, and began to think aloud.
âYou know,â said Stalky at last, sighting at a distant sparrow, âwe could hide our sallies in there like anything.â
âHuh!â Beetle snorted, choked, and gurgled. He had been silent since they left the dormitory. âDid you ever read a book called âThe History of a Houseâ or something? I got it out of the library the other day. A French woman wrote itâViolet somebody. But itâs translated, you know; and itâs very interestinâ. Tells you how a house is built.â
âWell, if youâre in a sweat to find out that, you can go down to the new cottages theyâre building for the coastguard.â
âMy Hat! I will.â He felt in his pockets. âGive me tuppence, some one.â
âRot! Stay here, and donât mess about in the sun.â
âGiâ me tuppence.â
âI say, Beetle, you arenât stuffy about anything, are you?â said McTurk, handing over the coppers. His tone was serious, for though Stalky often, and McTurk occasionally, manoeuvred on his own account, Beetle had never been known to do so in all the history of the confederacy.
âNo, Iâm not. Iâm thinking.â
âWell, weâll come, too,â said Stalky, with a generalâs suspicion of his aides.
âDonât want you.â
âOh, leave him alone. Heâs been taken worse with a poem,â said McTurk. âHeâll go burbling down to the Pebbleridge and spit it all up in the study when he comes back.â
âThen why did he want the tuppence, Turkey? Heâs gettinâ too beastly independent. Hi! Thereâs a bunny. No, it ainât. Itâs a cat, by Jove! You plug first.â
Twenty minutes later a boy with a straw hat at the back of his head, and his hands in his pockets, was staring at workmen as they moved about a half-finished cottage. He produced some ferocious tobacco, and was passed from the forecourt into the interior, where he asked many questions.
âWell, letâs have your beastly epic,â said Turkey, as they burst into the study, to find Beetle deep in Viollet-le-Duc and some drawings. âWeâve had no end of a lark.â
âEpic? What epic? Iâve been down to the coastguard.â
âNo epic? Then we will slay you, O Beetle,â said Stalky, moving to the attack. âYouâve got something up your sleeve. I know, when you talk in that tone!â
âYour Uncle Beetleââwith an attempt to imitate Stalkyâs war-voiceââis a great man.â
âOh, no; he jolly well isnât anything of the kind. You deceive yourself, Beetle. Scrag him, Turkey!â
âA great man,â Beetle gurgled from the floor. âYou are futileâlook out for my tie!âfutile burblers. I am the Great Man. I gloat. Ouch! Hear me!â
âBeetle, de-ahââStalky dropped unreservedly on Beetleâs chestââ we love you, anâ youâre a poet. If I ever said you were a doggaroo, I apologize; but you know as well as we do that you canât do anything by yourself without mucking it.â
âIâve got a notion.â
âAnd youâll spoil the whole show if you donât tell your Uncle Stalky. Cough it up, ducky, and weâll see what we can do. Notion, you fat impostorâI knew you had a notion when you went away! Turkey said it was a poem.â
âIâve found out how houses are built. Leâ me get up. The floor-joists of one room are the ceiling-joists of the room below.â
âDonât be so filthy technical.â
âWell, the man told me. The floor is laid on top of those joistsâthose boards on edge that we crawled overâbut the floor stops at a partition. Well, if you get behind a partition, same as you did in the attic, donât you see that you can shove anything you please under the floor between the floor-boards and the lath and plaster of the ceiling below? Look here. Iâve drawn it.â
He produced a rude sketch, sufficient to enlighten the allies. There is no part of the modern school curriculum that deals with architecture, and none of them had yet reflected whether floors and ceilings were hollow or solid. Outside his own immediate interests the boy is as ignorant as the savage he so admires; but he has also the savageâs resource.
âI see,â said Stalky. âI shoved my hand there. Anâ then?â
âAnâ then Theyâve been calling us stinkers, you know. We might shove somethinâ underâsulphur, or something that stunk pretty badâanâ stink âem out. I know it can be done somehow.â Beetleâs eyes turned to Stalky handling the diagrams.
âStinks?â said Stalky interrogatively. Then his face grew luminous with delight. âBy gum! Iâve got it. Horrid stinks! Turkey!â He leaped at the Irishman. âThis afternoonâjust after Beetle went away! Sheâs the very thing!â
âCome to my arms, my beamish boy,â caroled McTurk, and they fell into each otherâs arms dancing. âOh, frabjous day! Calloo, callay! She will! She will!â
âHold on,â said Beetle. âI donât understand.â
âDearr man! It shall, though. Oh, Artie, my pure-souled youth, let us tell our darling Reggie about Pestiferous Stinkadores.â
âNot until after callover. Come on!â
âI say,â said Orrin, stiffly, as they fell into their places along the walls of the gymnasium. âThe house are goinâ to hold another meeting.â
âHold away, then.â Stalkyâs mind was elsewhere.
âItâs about you three this time.â
âAll right, give âem my love⊠Here,sir_,â and he tore down the corridor.
Gamboling like kids at play, with bounds and sidestarts, with caperings and curvetings, they led the almost bursting Beetle to the rabbit-lane, and from under a pile of stones drew forth the new-slain corpse of a cat. Then did Beetle see the inner meaning of what had gone before, and lifted up his voice in thanksgiving for that the world held warriors so wise as Stalky and McTurk.
âWell-nourished old lady, ainât she?â said Stalky. âHow long dâyou suppose itâll take her to get a bit whiff in a confined space?â
âBit whiff! What a coarse brute you are!â said McTurk. âCanât a poor pussy-cat get under Kingâs dormitory floor to die without your pursuinâ her with your foul innuendoes?â
âWhat did she die under the floor for?â said Beetle, looking to the future.
âOh, they wonât worry about that when they find her,â said Stalky.
âA cat may look at a king.â McTurk rolled down the bank at his own jest. âPussy, you donât know how useful youâre goinâ to be to three pure-souled, high-minded boys.â
âTheyâll have to take up the floor for her, same as they did in Number Nine when the rat croaked. Big medicineâheap big medicine! Phew! Oh, Lord, I wish I could stop laughinâ,â said Beetle.
âStinks! Hi, stinks! Clammy ones!â McTurk gasped as he regained his place. âAndââthe exquisite humor of it brought them sliding down together in a tangleââitâs all for the honor of the house, too!â
âAnâ theyâre holdinâ another meetingâon us,â Stalky panted, his knees in the ditch and his face in the long grass. âWell, letâs get the bullet out of her and hurry up. The sooner sheâs bedded out the better.â
Between them they did some grisly work with a penknife; between them (ask not who buttoned her to his bosom) they took up the corpse and hastened back, Stalky arranging their plan of action at the full trot.
The afternoon sun, lying in broad patches on the bed-rugs, saw three boys and an umbrella disappear into a dormitory wall. In five minutes they emerged, brushed themselves all over, washed their hands, combed their hair, and descended.
âAre you sure you shoved her far enough under?â said McTurk suddenly.
âHang it, man, I shoved her the full length of my arm and Beetleâs brolly. That must be about six feet. Sheâs bung in the middle of Kingâs big upper ten-bedder. Eligible central situation, I call it. Sheâll stink out his chaps, and Hartoppâs and Macreaâs, when she really begins to fume. I swear your Uncle Stalky is a great man. Do you realize what a great man he is, Beetle?â
âWell, I had the notion first, hadnât Iâ? onlyââ
âYou couldnât do it without your Uncle Stalky, could you?â
âTheyâve been calling us stinkers for a week now,â said McTurk. âOh, wonât they catch it!â
âStinker! Yah! Stink-ah!â rang down the corridor.
âAnd sheâs there,â said Stalky, a hand on either boyâs shoulder. âSheâisâthere, gettinâ ready to surprise âem. Presently sheâll begin to whisper to âem in their dreams. Then sheâll whiff. Golly, how sheâll whiff! Oblige me by thinkinâ of it for two minutes.â
They went to their study in more or less of silence. There they began to laughâlaugh as only boys can. They laughed with their foreheads on the tables, or on the floor; laughed at length, curled over the backs of chairs or clinging to a bookshelf; laughed themselves limp.
And in the middle of it Orrin entered on behalf of the house. âDonât mind us, Orrin; sit down. You donât know how we respect and admire you. Thereâs something about your pure, high young forehead, full of the dreams of innocent boyhood, thatâs no end fetchinâ. It is, indeed.â
âThe house sent me to give you this.â He laid a folded sheet of paper on the table and retired with an awful front.
âItâs the resolution! Oh, read it, some one. Iâm too silly-sick with laughinâ to see,â said Beetle. Stalky jerked it open with a precautionary sniff. âPhew! Phew! Listen. âThehouse_noticeswithpainandcontempttheattitudeofindiference_â âhow many fâs in indifference, Beetle?â
âTwo for choice.â
âOnly one hereââadoptedbytheoccupantsofNumber_Five_studyin relation_totheinsults_offered_to_Mr._Proutâs_house_attherecent_ meetinginNumber_Twelve_form-room,andthe_House_hereby_passa voteofcensure_onthesaid_study._ Thatâs all.â
âAnd she bled all down my shirt, too!â said Beetle.
âAnâ Iâm catty all over,â said McTurk, âthough I washed twice.â
âAnâ I nearly broke Beetleâs brolly plantinâ her where she would blossom!â
The situation was beyond speech, but not laughter. There was some attempt that night to demonstrate against the three in their dormitory; so they came forth.
âYou see,â Beetle began suavely as he loosened his braces, âthe trouble with you is that youâre a set of unthinkinâ asses. Youâve no more brains than spidgers. Weâve told you that heaps of times, havenât we.?â
âWeâll give the three of you a dormitory lickinâ. You always jaw at us as if you were prefects,â cried one.
âOh, no, you wonât,â said Stalky, âbecause you know that if you did youâd get the worst of it sooner or later. We arenât in any hurry. We can afford to wait for our little revenges. Youâve made howlinâ asses of yourselves, and just as soon as King gets hold of your precious resolutions to-morrow youâll find that out. If you arenât sick anâ sorry by to-morrow night, IâllâIâll eat my hat.â
But or ever the dinner-bell rang the next day Proutâs were sadly aware of their error. King received stray members of that house with an exaggerated attitude of fear. Did they purpose to cause him to be dismissed from the College by unanimous resolution? What were their views concerning the government of the school, that he might hasten to give effect to them? he would not offend them for worlds; but he fearedâhe sadly fearedâthat his own house, who did not pass resolutions (but washed), might somewhat deride.
King was a happy man, and his house, basking in the favor of his smile, made that afternoon a long penance to the misled Prouts. And Prout himself, with a dull and lowering visage, tried to think out the rights and wrongs of it all, only plunging deeper into bewilderment. Why should his house be called âStinkersâ? Truly, it was a small thing, but he had been trained to believe
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