Stalky & Co. by Rudyard Kipling (young adult books to read .txt) đ
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Richards spat on a fresh boot and fell to his work, chuckling.
THE IMPRESSIONISTS.
They had dropped into the chaplainâs study for a Saturday night smokeâall four housemastersâand the three briars and the one cigar reeking in amity proved the Rev. John Gillettâs good generalship. Since the discovery of the cat, King had been too ready to see affront where none was meant, and the Reverend John, buffer-state and general confidant, had worked for a week to bring about a good understanding. He was fat, clean-shaven, except for a big mustache, of an imperturbable good temper, and, those who loved him least said, a guileful Jesuit. He smiled benignantly upon his handiworkâfour sorely tried men talking without very much malice.
âNow remember,â he said, when the conversation turned that way, âI impute nothing. But every time that any one has taken direct steps against Number Five study, the issue has been more or less humiliating to the taker.â
âI canât admit that. I pulverize the egregious Beetle daily for his soulâs good; and the others with him,â said King.
âWell, take your own case, King, and go back a couple of years. Do you remember when Prout and you were on their track for hutting and trespass, wasnât it? Have you forgotten Colonel Dabney?â
The others laughed. King did not care to be reminded of his career as a poacher.
âThat was one instance. Again, when you had rooms below themâI always said that that was entering the lionâs denâyou turned them out.â
âFor making disgusting noises. Surely, Gillett, you donât excuseââ
âAll I say is that you turned them out. That same evening your study was wrecked.â
âBy Rabbits-Eggsâmost beastly drunkâfrom the road,â said King. âWhat has that?â
The Reverend John went on.
âLastly, they conceive that aspersions are cast upon their personal cleanlinessâa most delicate matter with all boys. Ve-ry good. Observe how, in each case, the punishment fits the crime. A week after your house calls them âstinkers,â King, your house is, not to put too fine a point on it, stunk out by a dead cat who chooses to die in the one spot where she can annoy you most. Again the long arm of coincidence! Summa. You accuse them of trespass. Through some absurd chain of circumstancesâthey may or may not be at the other end of itâyou and Prout are made to appear as trespassers. You evict them. For a time your study is made untenable. I have drawn the parallel in the last case. Well?â
âShe was under the centre of Whiteâs dormitory,â said King. âThere are double floor-boards there to deaden noise. No boy, even in my own house, could possibly have pried up the boards without leaving some traceâand Rabbits-Eggs was phenomenally drunk that other night.â
âThey are singularly favored by fortune. That is all I ever said. Personally, I like them immensely, and I believe I have a little of their confidence. I confess I like being called âPadre.â They are at peace with me; consequently I am not treated to bogus confessions of theft.â
âYou mean Masonâs case?â said Prout heavily. âThat always struck me as peculiarly scandalous. I thought the Head should have taken up the matter more thoroughly. Mason may be misguided, but at least he is thoroughly sincere and means well.â
âI confess I cannot agree with you, Prout,â said the Reverend John. âHe jumped at some silly tale of theft on their part; accepted another boyâs evidence without, so far as I can see, any inquiry; andâfrankly, I think he deserved all he got.â
âThey deliberately outraged Masonâs best feelings,â said Prout. âA word to me on their part would have saved the whole thing. But they preferred to lure him on; to play on his ignorance of their charactersââ
âThat may be,â said King, âbut I donât like Mason. I dislike him for the very reason that Prout advances to his credit. He means well.â
âOur criminal tradition is not theftâamong ourselves, at least,â said little Hartopp.
âFor the head of a house that raided seven head of cattle from the innocent pot-wallopers of Northam, isnât that rather a sweeping statement?â said Macrae.
âPrecisely so,â said Hartopp, unabashed. âThat, with gate-lifting, and a little poaching and hawk-hunting on the cliffs, is our salvation.â
âIt does us far more harm as a schoolââ Prout began.
âThan any hushed-up scandal could? Quite so. Our reputation among the farmers is most unsavory. But I would much sooner deal with any amount of ingenious crime of that nature thanâsome other offenses.â
âThey may be all right, but they are unboylike, abnormal, and, in my opinion, unsound,â Prout insisted. âThe moral effect of their performances must pave the way for greater harm. It makes me doubtful how to deal with them. I might separate them.â
âYou might, of course; but they have gone up the school together for six years. I shouldnât care to do it,â said Macrae.
âThey use the editorial âwe,ââ said King, irrelevantly. âIt annoys me. âWhereâs your prose, Corkran?â âWell, sir, we havenât quite done it yet.â âWeâll bring it in a minute,â and so on. And the same with the others.â
âThereâs great virtue in that âwe,ââ said little Hartopp. âYou know I take them for trig. McTurk may have some conception of the meaning of it; but Beetle is as the brutes that perish about sines and cosines. He copies serenely from Stalky, who positively rejoices in mathematics.â
âWhy donât you stop it?â said Prout.
âIt rights itself at the exams. Then Beetle shows up blank sheets, and trusts to his âEnglishâ to save him from a fall. I fancy he spends most of his time with me in writing verse.â
âI wish to Heaven he would transfer a little of his energy in that direction to Elegiaes.â King jerked himself upright. âHe is, with the single exception of Stalky, the very vilest manufacturer of âbarbarous hexametersâ that I have ever dealt with.â
âThe work is combined in that study,â said the chaplain. âStalky does the mathematics, McTurk the Latin, and Beetle attends to their English and French. At least, when he was in the sick-house last monthââ
âMalingering,â Prout interjected.
âQuite possibly. I found a very distinct falling off in their âRoman dâun Jeune Homme Pauvreâ translations.â
âI think it is profoundly immoral,â said Prout. âIâve always been opposed to the study system.â
âIt would be hard to find any study where the boys donât help each other; but in Number Five the thing has probably been reduced to a system,â said little Hartopp. âThey have a system in most things.â
âThey confess as much,â said the Reverend John. âIâve seen McTurk being hounded up the stairs to elegise the âElegy in a Churchyard,â while Beetle and Stalky went to punt-about.â
âIt amounts to systematic cribbing,â said Prout, his voice growing deeper and deeper.
âNo such thing,â little Hartopp returned. âYou canât teach a cow the violin.â
âIn intention it is cribbing.â
âBut we spoke under the seal of the confessional, didnât we?â said the Reverend John.
âYou say youâve heard them arranging their work in this way, Gillett,â Prout persisted.
âGood Heavens! Donât make me Queenâs evidence, my dear fellow. Hartopp is equally incriminated. If they ever found out that I had sneaked, our relations would sufferâand I value them.â
âI think your attitude in this matter is weak,â said Prout, looking round for support. âIt would be really better to break up the studyâfor a whileâwouldnât it?â
âOh, break it up by all means,â said Macrae. âWe shall see then if Gillettâs theory holds water.â
âBe wise, Prout. Leave them alone, or calamity will overtake you; and what is much more important, they will be annoyed with me. I am too fat, alas! to be worried by bad boys. Where are you going?â
âNonsense! They would not dareâbut I am going to think this out,â said Prout. âIt needs thought. In intention they cribbed, and I must think out my duty.â
âHeâs perfectly capable of putting the boys on their honor. Itâs I that am a fool.â The Reverend John looked round remorsefully. âNever again will I forget that a master is not a man. Mark my words,â said the Reverend John. âThere will be trouble.â
But by the yellow Tiber Was tumult and affright.
Out of the blue sky (they were still rejoicing over the cat war) Mr. Prout had dropped into Number Five, read them a lecture on the enormity of cribbing, and bidden them return to the form-rooms on Monday. They had raged, solo and chorus, all through the peaceful Sabbath, for their sin was more or less the daily practice of all the studies.
âWhatâs the good of cursing?â said Stalky at last. âWeâre all in the same boat. Weâve got to go back and consort with the house. A locker in the form-room, and a seat at prep. in Number Twelve.â (He looked regretfully round the cozy study which McTurk, their leader in matters of Art, had decorated with a dado, a stencil, and cretonne hangings.)
âYes! Heffy lurchinâ into the form-rooms like a frowzy old retriever, to see if we arenât up to something. You know he never leaves his house alone, these days,â said McTurk. âOh, it will be giddy!â
âWhy arenât you down watchinâ cricket? I like a robust, healthy boy. You mustnât frowst in a form. room. Why donât you take an interest in your house? Yah!â quoted Beetle.
âYes, why donât we? Letâs! Weâll take an interest in the house. Weâll take no end of interest in the house! He hasnât had us in the form-rooms for a year. Weâve learned a lot since then. Oh, weâll make it a beautiful house before weâve done! âMember that chap in âEricâ or âSt. WinifredâsââBelial somebody? Iâm goinâ to be Belial,â said Stalky, with an ensnaring grin.
âRight O,â said Beetle, âand Iâll be Mammon. Iâll lend money at usuryâthatâs what they do at all schools accordinâ to the B.O.P. Penny a week on a shillinâ. Thatâll startle Heffyâs weak intellect. You can be Lucifer, Turkey.â
âWhat have I got to do?â McTurk also smiled.
âHead conspiraciesâand cabalsâand boycotts. Go in for that âstealthy intrigueâ that Heffy is always talkinâ about. Come on!â
The house received them on their fall with the mixture of jest and sympathy always extended to boys turned out of their study. The known aloofness of the three made them more interesting.
âQuite like old times, ainât it?â Stalky selected a locker and flung in his books. âWeâve come to sport with you, my young friends, for a while, because our beloved housemaster has hove us out of our digginâs.â
ââServe you jolly well right,â said Orrin, âyou cribbers!â
âThis will never do,â said Stalky. âWe canât maintain our giddy prestige, Orrin, de-ah, if you make these remarks.â
They wrapped themselves lovingly about the boy, thrust him to the opened window, and drew down the sash to the nape of his neck. With an equal swiftness they tied his thumbs together behind his back with a piece of twine, and then, because he kicked furiously, removed his shoes. There Mr. Prout happened to find him a few minutes later, guillotined and helpless, surrounded by a convulsed crowd who would not assist.
Stalky, in an upper form-room, had gathered himself allies against vengeance. Orrin presently tore up at the head of a boarding party, and the form-room grew one fog
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