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turned
around in a circle and nothing changed. Looking down at
my shoes I noticed that I was still wearing my office
shoes. I knew that they would keep out the heat for a
while but how long would they last? Turawwa follow the
spirit lines they will show you the way. Well at least my inner
voices are still working I thought as I started walking
through the blazing heat. As I walked I started thinking
back to the past seeing the faces of Waralla, Mary, the girl
with nine toes, my daughters and my friends. I was now
on automatic pilot trusting my intuition and the spirit
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lines , but I became very tired in a very short time. I could
feel the saliva drying up in my mouth. I put a small
pebble into my mouth and started sucking on it knowing
that this would stimulate the flow of saliva but I did not
know for how long. I noticed the sky becoming a deeper
shade of blue and my shadow longer - I had to find
water soon. Looking ahead I focussed on finding a place
where the the ground appeared deeper remembering the
old way of finding water. I was searching for a depression
in the sand where I knew if I could dig deep enough and
was lucky I would find water. Some way ahead I could
see some stunted Mulga scrub- this was sometimes a sign
of a place where water could be found. It felt like hours
till I reached the small clump of bushes, but I could see a
small gully in front of the scrub throwing shadows where
it seemed to get deeper. I broke off one of the branches
of the nearest tree and started digging at the deepest part
of the small gully, the perspiration poured down off my
body and I felt dizzy with exhaustion but I kept on
digging. I dug down to the depth of about one meter
when I noticed the sand becoming darker and moist. I
croaked as loud as I could with joy when I saw a small
puddle of water forming at the bottom of the hole. The
water was dirty and tasted salty and stale but I felt my
tongue and throat greedily sucking in the moisture giving
my body some of its energy back. I lay down under the
meagre shade of the Mulga scrub and closed my eyes. I
woke up startled, not knowing where I was. Everything
was black as night and I felt cold and hungry. I reached
down into the hole and drunk a few hand fulls of water I
felt better.
Looking down at the roots of the Mulga scrub I
remembered that honey ants sometimes build their nests
beneath the roots of Mulga. I started digging frantically, I
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hadn’t eaten for at least twenty four hours, and then I
found them, big black ants with their amber coloured
pouches glued to the rear of their bodies. I found a twig
and turning over one of the ants I picked him up between
two fingers and bit of the honey filled sac it tasted
wonderfull. I hadn’t tasted anything as wonderfull in my
whole life, with all the digestive juices inside my mouth
my tongue sizzled on overload. I ate about ten of the
honey globules and I felt much better. I was now
confronted with the problem of how to carry the water. I
knew that I had to keep going and that during the night
was the best time to walk, avoiding the energy sapping
heat of the sun. I took off my shirt and soaked it in the
waterhole. Putting it back on I thought that I would at
least have some moisture on my skin for the next few
hours . I started dog-trotting, walking quickly for a few
minutes then slowly for the same length of time. The
time was difficult to judge as my watch had been taken
away when I was unconscious. The sky was filled with
diamonds, I could see the Southern Cross and judging by
the stars I was going in a South Easterly direction.
Sometimes I would stop still, asking myself if the
direction I was going was still right. I wished that Bongo
was here to help me decide. I noticed the vegetation
slowly changing , there was less sand and more stones on
the ground. I also noticed that my feet were hurting like
hell , I was feeling thirsty and hungry again, and my shirt
was bone dry. I could see the horizon slowly becoming
lighter - a yellow orange haze was forming on the sharp
ridge of rocks that I could just see in the distance. My
second day in the desert was beginning and I needed to
find some shade, and that ridge of rocks looked just like
the right place. When I got to the rocks the sun had risen
I could see steam rising from the stones drying off the
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early morning dew. Straight away I bent down, feeling
under the edge of the largest rock. I was looking for a
hole that might lead me to Tiddalik the water holding frog.
Waraala used to tell us children that these frogs could
save our lives. When it rained in the desert they soak up a
tremendous amount of water in and around their skin
then they burrow themselves into the sand under rocks
and wait for the next rains. Yes! there it was - a hole
under a large stone. I started digging with my hands and
even though they were scratched and bleeding I did not
stop until I felt the slimy cool mass. I closed both my
hands around the large frog and slowly lifted him out of
the hole. He was brown and red in colour his eyes were
closed he felt heavy in my hands. I tried to remember
what Waralla said about these givers of life and then I
remembered. I held him above my mouth and squeezed
his body gently, the pouch of water around his body
broke and the sweet clear water flowed into my mouth. I
let the rest of the water flow onto my shirt , wrapped it
up tight and pushed it under the rocks where it was cool
and shady. I let the frog crawl back into the sand
thanking God that he had created this wonderful, ugly
looking saviour. I was hungry and I knew that I needed to
eat to keep up my strength. Tiddalik was not edible so I
started searching around the rocks and under the
spinnafex grass for something to eat. Except for dried out
beetle husks and seeds I found nothing. All of a sudden I
started to cry , letting out all the anger and frustration
that I had been holding in up till now. I was even pissed
off with all the spirits and the girl with nine toes; Where
were they all now I asked myself? Where were the
miracles and magical dreamtime stories that would
transport me instantly back to Canberra and safety? I
cried until all tears dried up under the relentless sun, then
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I curled up into a ball under the shade of the rocks and
spinnafex grass and went to sleep.
Waking up I thought that I had died. I felt
exhausted and dried out. I could not feel my hands or
feet and my head felt like it was going to explode. The
first thing that I did was pull my shirt out from under the
rock and it was still moist with water. I started sucking on
the cloth feeling my life energy slowly returning. It was
early evening and looking around I saw something green
behind a large clump of spinnafex . Walking over I saw
that it was an Emu Bush . I cried out with relief and
grabbing a handful of the leaves I saw the yellow
succulent bodies of the Emu Bush grub clinging to the
underside of the scimiter shaped leaves. I ate ten of them
trying to imagine that they were Sushi but my imagination
wasn’t working up to scratch and they tasted oily and
bitter but I knew that they contained lots of protein so I
swallowed them down. Soon the diamonds began to
twinkle in the blue, black velvet sky and once again I
started walking. My legs and feet were aching and even
though I had rubbed some of the healing sap of the Emu
Bush into my hands they were swollen and red. I walked,
still knowing when to turn and when to go straight ahead.
Otherwise I had lost all contact to my inner spirit songs,
all I could hear was the scuffing sound of my shoes as
they carried me wearily across the desert floor. I had been
walking for a long time , there was no more moisture in
my shirt to suck - my mouth was dry and blistered and all
I wanted to do was sit down and go to sleep I felt an
almost overwhelming, inviting desire to surrender to my
fate and then I remembered those first words she said
“Do you want to live or die?„
“I want to live!„ I whispered to myself “I want to
live!„
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I closed my eyes and walked.
I closed my eyes and heard.
I closed my eyes and felt.
I closed my eyes and lived.

I felt my body being lifted up and opening my eyes I
could see Baldwa's face looking into my eyes.He said.
“Your pain will flow along the rivers of time to the place
where memories are nothing but footsteps in the sand on
a peaceful beach.„


120


If that what you do, does not
work,
Then do something else


121

Chapter 23


“Dad! Dad!„ They shouted as I walked up the
steps to the house, Sarah crying with all her heart and
Caroline doing all she could not to cry - but not quite
succeeding. I hugged them both tight and we only let go
when Joan complained that if we didn’t shut the door the
house would be full of blood-sucking reporters inside five
minutes.
“Its good to be home„ I said
“Dad we were so happy to hear your voice when you
phoned yesterday We thought … we thought we would
never see
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