The Wily Tortoise by Imonikhe Ahimie (top 100 novels of all time .txt) 📖

Any candidate that he deemed unfit to be tattooed must leave immediately without any complaint. He, the tattooist per excellence, would not tolerate any form of rowdy behavior; if anyone caused any disturbance or failed to follow his instructions in the strictest fashion then he would put an end to the procedure and return to his own country. Further, once all candidates for tattooing had entered into the tattoo house, the door was to be firmly bolted behind them and on no account was the door to be reopened before he called for its opening when his great work had been completed. Every fish that underwent the procedure must take oath never to reveal the details of what went on behind the bolted door. The fishes all cried out in a loud voice that they would strictly adhere to his instructions and Yemoja pledged herself to see to it that all of the Tortoise’s instructions were followed to the letter. All was now ready.

 

The Tortoise went into the house. For a prolonged period, all that the crowd outside could hear was the Tortoise’s voice chanting out incantations in unknown tongues. Everyone nodded wisely; their visitor was indeed a worthy person. How lucky they were that he had not treated them in the manner that their rude reception truly deserved and gone back to his own country with all of his arcane knowledge! Many fishes who had hitherto been reluctant to undergo the procedure now determined in their minds to get a tattoo.

 

After what seemed an interminable wait to the would-be tatooees, the Tortoise cried out in a loud voice that everyone who was desirous of being tattooed should form a line and enter into the shrine, as he described it, one after the other. There was quite a queue but, keeping in mind the Tortoise’s strict injunctions and the stern admonitions of the deity and the grandees, everything went on in the most orderly fashion as the fishes entered into the shrine one at a time.

 

What no one realized was that the Tortoise was standing just inside the doorway armed with the heftiest piece of wood that was in the great pile of firewood that had been gathered with so much difficulty. As each fish entered into the shrine, the Tortoise brought that hefty piece of wood crashing down upon the head of the entrant and did him or her to death. When he felt that he had enough, he cried out in a loud voice that all available places were now filled up and no one else would be able to undergo the procedure; the door should now be shut and bolted until he directed otherwise. There was palpable disappointment amongst the many aspirants who had now missed the great opportunity, but the discipline held. The door was shut and bolted and, leaving a guard to listen out for the Tortoise’s instruction to open up the door, the folk went off to their homes.

 

Once the door had been bolted shut, the Tortoise laid out the firewood in the fireplaces and started the fires. In no time at all, he had begun to smoke all those fishes that he had done to death. Very soon, the inhabitants of the place could see great columns of smoke pouring out of the chimneys, and this went on unceasingly day after day, whilst they could hear the Tortoise singing and chanting raucously all the while.

 

Inside the shrine meanwhile, the Tortoise was indulging himself in an orgy of unparalleled gluttony as he gorged himself on the smoked flesh of the unfortunate seekers after beauty. On the sixth day, the smoke began to abate and by evening of the seventh day, the smoke had ceased entirely. The singing and chanting that had been heard at all hours during the last several days also came to a raggedly finish.

 

With bated breath, the folk gathered in a crowd all around the shrine as they awaited the appearance of the great tattooist and those lucky ones who had had the luck to benefit from his expertise. There was quite a bit of weeping in that crowd, I tell you, as those unlucky folk who had missed out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, for it was certain such an opportunity was extremely unlikely to come to their homeland again in their own lifetimes, bemoaned their ill luck. Well there was still a bit of waiting to be endured, as it was not till midday on the ninth day after he had entered into the shrine that Tortoise’s hoarse voice was heard demanding that the bolts be thrown open so that he could come out for, following his epic gourmandizing, the Tortoise had fallen flat on the ground and slept for two whole days!

 

It was a weary but elated Tortoise that stepped out of the door as soon as the bolts had been removed and the door opened, but before anyone could even catch a glimpse of the interior of the shrine, he had shut the door behind him and thrown back the bolts. Declaring that the door must remain locked up for the nonce, the Tortoise walked majestically to Yemoja’s court trailed by a large crowd. They were hailing him; some were pleading, in tears, that he make an exception in their case and allow them to undergo the procedure; yet others were beating the drums and singing his praises. Ignoring all of the hullaballoo that accompanied him, the Tortoise came before Yemoja’s court. The news that the great tattooist had come out of the shrine had, of course, reached the court and Yemoja and all of the grandees of the queendom were gathered to receive the hero.

 

“Your Majesty”, the Tortoise cried, prostrating himself to the ground. “I have done all that I have sworn to do; yes, your Majesty, even more than I had thought to do. Even if I say it myself, the work that I have done on you loyal subjects is the best that I have ever done. And”, he added in most modest manner, “I have done some great works in my time!”

 

Rising from her throne, the deity came down to where the Tortoise was lying prostrate and, raising him up with her own hands, led him to the place of honor set beside her own throne. Speaking in the most affectionate manner, Yemoja asked him to stay in her land forevermore.

 

“You, greatest of all tattooists, will be second only to me in all of my queendom” the deity declared in ringing tones. The acclamation that followed Yemoja’s declaration was deafening; amongst the nobles and amongst the commons, the queen’s declaration was welcomed in the most wholehearted manner.

 

The Tortoise had a stunned look on his face; it all was, it seemed to anyone watching him, too much to bear. Then with tears running down his face, the Tortoise stood and addressed the queen and all those assembled there.

 

“Your Majesty, may the crown never leave your head! Yes! May your sandals always be worthy of worship! May the Creator, Almighty, continue to keep you and you queendom in peace for all times.

 

“Your Majesty, I cannot accept your so gracious offer. Apart from the fact that my expertise is needed in so many places”, smiling, “in all of the wide creation, there is something that requires me to leave and to leave as soon as possible. As your Majesty is well aware, tattooing can be extremely painful.

 

 

“Those fishes that chose to undergo this process of beautification seemed sadly unaware of this fact! That I am here, alive before you, is due only to the fact that I had, as always, girded myself with the most powerful charms imaginable. In addition, the process had left them all somewhat weakened for my patients, inflamed by the pain, attacked me and I barely escaped with my life. I have left them all sedated but I fear that if I’m still here when they come back to full consciousness they may resume the attack”.

 

Yemoja and her grandees agreed that the danger of an attack by the fishes was a genuine one and that the fishes would not be let out until the danger was past. So they made haste and gathered a hoard of costly goods as the payment for the services of their esteemed guest. Then a boat was made ready and the presents placed in it.

 

“I had almost forgotten” exclaimed the Tortoise. “Your Majesty, the boatman must be a deaf person!”

 

The gathered folk looked somewhat surprised, but the Tortoise was quick to explain. To complete the process and ensure proper healing, he had to sing a certain song. This song, however, was something in the nature of a trade secret. In the normal course of events, he would have sung the song in the shrine after every one of his patients had left; in the circumstances, of course, that option was unavailable. Whilst he could look for a secluded place to complete his ritual, the possibility of violence being done to his person also precluded this option. Slyly, the Tortoise reminded Yemoja that her subjects had, just a few days back, already laid violent hands upon him. The deity and her grandees all cringed in embarrassment at this subtle reminder of the uncivilized manner in which they had first welcomed their honored guest. The Tortoise declared that he had thought through the whole matter carefully and he had reached the conclusion that if he sang the song whilst in the boat only in the company of a deaf boatman all of the proprieties would be met. Every one there agreed that this was the perfect solution.

 

So Yemoja procured a deaf boatman and, leading her retinue, went with the Tortoise to the jetty where the boat and boatman were waiting to convey the honored guest back to his own land.

 

“Oh, by the way, when can we reveal the newly beautified fishes to the adoration of the public?” Yemoja asked.

 

“Once I’m gone, you may let the new beauties out for public adoration!” declared the Tortoise smilingly, as he stepped into the boat.

 

As the boatman poled away from the jetty, his back turned to the crowd of dignitaries standing and doing honor to their esteemed guest, the esteemed guest himself stood in the boat facing the dignitaries, smiling, waving and bowing as the boat made its way sedately away.

DISCOVERY AND PUNISHMENT

The boat was quite halfway to the far shore, practically out of sight of Yemoja and the other dignitaries who had come to see off the illustrious guest, before the Tortoise sat down and the dignitaries at the jetty left to go and welcome the newly beautified fishes back into the larger society. One can only imagine the shock that struck Yemoja and her grandees when they had the shrine opened up!

 

Rather than a bevy of beautifully tattooed fishes, they were faced with a veritable charnel house! Every single one of those fishes that had elected to have him or herself tattooed was dead! Only the skeletal remains of the would-be beauties remained!

 

The deity burst into tears and immediately vowed to exact a terrible vengeance on the creature that had so used and misused her and her poor subjects. Followed by her grieving retinue, Yemoja ran