The Player or the good guy? by NotWithoutMusik . (epub ebook reader TXT) 📖

was so different. This was actual pain. I felt like I was just being kissed by a Dementor, all my happiness got sucked out of my body and left were that one horrible memory: Remus kissing Isabella. I saw it over and over again while I walked, rather tripped down the stairs into the common room. I didn't even care about people calling my name or looking at me in a weird way, I just had to be alone right now. 

I ran down the stairs of the castle, through the Entrance Hall and then, I finally was outside. Some people just got back from Hogsmeade and said 'Hello' to me, but I had everyone blocked out. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. In front of the others, especially in front of Remus and Sirius, I had to pretend like I was okay. But I wasn't, and I was afraid I would never be. Without noticing, I had been running to the forrest, the only place where I could be alone. I turned into a wolf as I ran and then, I just kept running like I could run away from the pain.

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I found myself next to a beautiful lake deep in the forrest, an area with lots of magical creatures like unicorns and centaurs. I felt that I was getting calmer, my heartbeat slowed down and the pain got less. I forced myself to not think about the kiss, which was really hard, but by concentration on my seances, it finally worked. I just concentrated on the beautiful smell of all the flowers around the lake, the fresh air that was blowing through the leaves of the trees and I focused on the sounds. The chirping and whistling of the birds, the splashing of the flying fishes in the water and the sound of the little waterfall that was across the lake, creating a rainbow together with the sun. 

I could just stay here in the woods as a wolf, ignore all the problems I had. For this moment, it felt like I could actually run away from reality. But with one last breath of freedom, I made my way back to the castle. Back to my weird love life, my brother who was being bullied by Slytherins, my exams and school, and my perfectly happy best friend, whose mood I didn't want to spoil. 

When I reached the castle after turning back into a human near the Quidditch field, I could see Aya and Fabian just passing through the huge doors of the entrance hall, walking in direction of the kitchens. I smiled to myself, I bet they had an amazing date, and it would end perfectly with a little snack from the helpful houseelves. I could see that they linked their hands just before they disappeared behind a corner and were out of sight. 

"Katherine! Katherine! There you are, I was looking for you everywhere!", I heard a female voice, but I wasn't really sure whose it was. I just really prayed to god that it wasn't Isabella, telling me that she was sorry for kissing Remus or something. But what if it was and everyone knew now that I had a major crush on Remus? That would be the most embarrassing moment of my life and it would probably be hurtful when Remus told me again that he just wants to be friends. 

"Hey, are you okay? Your aura is really bad!", another female voice directly behind me said and I twirled around, almost scared to death. It was Sybill Trelawney behind me, her hair all over the place and looking as weird as usual. Just as I wanted to say something to her, I could feel a hand on my shoulder and the same girl as before say: "I know that you lied before."

 

"What?", I asked and turned around again, just to sight releaved: it was Lily standing there, worry in her eyes. 

"I know that you lied before when you said that you were just checking on Aya and Fabian, because I saw you run into the woods. Do you want to talk about it?", Lily asked, and I tried as much as I could to hold back my tears, but I could already feel them in my eyes. 

"No, I'm fine! I'm great.", I said, but with this lie I probably wouldn't even be able to convince myself. 

"Is it about that boy?", Trelawny asked and I was a little bit impressed with her abilities before I figured that most of girls problems would be about boys.

" I really appeaceate that you want to help, but I think that Katherine and I have to talk alone right now.", Lily said and I couldn't be more thankful. I never did much with her, but she was always nice to me and I felt that I could trust her. Trelawny on the other hand seemed very hurt by the head girls words and just stormed off leaving the smell of smoke and dust behind. She really was a strange girl, but on the other hand, she just wanted to help me. 

"Let's go somewhere that we can talk in private.", Lily sugested and I nodded, quickly wiping a tear from my eyes before anyone could see that I was about to cry. Lily pulled me away from the crowd in the enterence hall and into an empty classroom. I thought that it was the muggle-teaching room because nothing wizardy was standing around, but I didn't really care much in this moment. I just leaned agains one of the tables, ready to tell Lily everything. I didn't know who else to turn to right now. I was just so confused. I got jeleaus when I saw Sirius kissing someone else, but that was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw Remus with Isabella. It was a thousand times worse, and maybe now I saw what had been hidden for so long: Remus wasn't just a friend to me, he was the one I truly loved. Sirius was nothing more but a crush and the more I thought about it, the less I understood why I even fancied him so much. 

Just when I was about to tell Lily why I really ran away from the little party, when suddenly someone threw chalk at my face and only missed me by a bit. 

"PEEVES!", Lily shouted and looked around, only to see Peeved hovering over the teachers desk with a hand full of chalk to throw at us. I really didn't feel like putting up with Peeves right now, so I just mumbled a simple spell and made hot air come out of my wand. At first, Peeves was trying to fly around it, but when Lily joined me, it was hopeless for him and he just flew through the wall to mock and annoy other students. 

"I - I think that I might like Remus.", I stuttered, not being able to say that I actually loved him. Lily seemed to understand what was going on with me, she came over and touched my arm perceptively. A hint of a smile appeared on her face, when she pulled me into a hug to comfort me: "I am so sorry that you had to find it out like this, but I always knew that you two are meant to be together."

"What?", I asked, lightly pushing her away, baffled that she was smiling when I had this massive pain and also shocked that she said we were meant to be together. Lily instantly stopped smiling and had that worried and caring look on her face again. " I am sorry, I should comfort you and tell you that Remus is an ass for kissing Bella, but he was just hurt.", she continued and I furrowed my brow. How could she protect Remus right now? He was the one hurting me today!

"Katherine, just imagine what he must have been through. You kept talking about Sirius, how you had a crush on him and then even kissing him while he told you that he loved you-", Lily started, but now it was enough for me. I had to defend myself: "But after that he told me that he would rather stay friends and that we wouldn't make a good couple anyways! He pushed me away!"

"Because he was trying to protect himself, he was trying to at least keep you as a friend, even though he still loved you.", Lily interrupted her. Was that true? Did he really love her and not just pretend it to get a kiss? "Wait, how do you know all this?", I asked, suspiciously raising an eyebrow. 

"Well -", Lily started to explain, but just in that moment Aya and Fabian stumbled into the room, holding hands and almost shining from happiness and love. 

"Oh, Scar! I am so sorry. What are you two- is everything alright with you?", Aya asked and instantly let go of Fabians hand when she saw that I had tears in my eyes. I could also see that Fabian was worrying about me, but I was just forcing myself to smile, I didn't want to ruin their happy moment with my stupid love-problems. 

"I am totally fine, I just practiced some spells with Lily and one of them went a little wrong.", I answered, using almost the same excuse that I used when I was being forced by Dalton to tell it. Oh, Dalton! Peter! What the Slytherins had found him and picked on him again? I could just go to Dumbledore and- 

"Scar! You're bleeding!", Aya exclaimed and grabbed her right arm, where Dalton had cut the dark wound. I pressed my teeth together to stop myself from screaming when I felt how the wound opened again and then just spluttered something about going to the hospital wing before I ran to the door and up to the Gryffindor common room. When I climbed  through the portrait, the wound had closed itself again because I stopped thinking about telling anyone Dalton's secret. 

"Sis, there you are!", Peter's voice made it's way to me and before I could react, he hugged me. "Did you fight the curse?", he whispered into my ear, and I told him that I did. "Awesome! I knew you could so it!", he said and I saw a spark of hope in his eyes. Hope, that maybe we would defeat the Deatheaters. 

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Thu- 08. Oktober 1977

"I wish you all the luck in the world!", Lily said, when Aya, Fabian, Sirius  James and I had to right to the changing rooms while she, Remus and Marlene kept walking to the seats. It was our first Quidditch match and it was against Hufflepuff. They had always lost the Quidditch tournament in the last years, but their team this year was actually acceptable and we wouldn't see them as an easy opponent. 

Fabian and Aya walked hand in hand, and Lily gave James a kiss on the cheek, before the linked arms with Remus to find a seat. Marlene looked at Sirius, but didn't even wish him good luck, because they just had a huge fight last weekend. Believe it or not, Sirius actually did like her enough to stick with her for more than a week now and they had even been on a date. But last sunday, Sirius had flirted with another girl, and -obviously- Marlene wasn't very happy with that. Sirius had apologized a thousand times, but Marlene told him to come up with a better apology than just saying sorry. The relationship between James and Lily went amazingly, just like the one from Fabian and Aya, who even told each other that they were in love. I on the other hand was being a scaredy-cat and just ignored my feelings for Remus. After kissing Isabella, he had just been nice to her, and we both stayed friends, even though it wasn't as untroubled as usual. Everytime he hugged me or kissed me on the forehead like he always