My Personal Hell by D. Richardson (tharntype novel english .txt) 📖

me on the floor. He lit his own but handed me the pack.

“Keep it, I have more. I can bring you a carton tomorrow.” I raised a brow at him.

“Supplying a minor? You sure you’re ready for that?” He shrugged.

“I don’t think anyone can blame you. When did you start? If you don’t mind my asking.” I rolled my eyes, it wasn’t like it was a really personal question.

“When I was fourteen. I had a few knowledgeable friends.” It was his turn to raise a brow.

“Knowledgeable?” I shrugged.

“They saw a few things they weren’t supposed to see. Well, it’s more like they got tired of my secrets and looked for answers. I was tired all the time, had a few bruises I couldn’t hide. They wanted to know why I slept in class even though my grades were really important to me. And why every once in a while I would walk with a limp.

“So one of my friends decided she wanted to spend the night with me. My dad always tried really hard to look like the perfect father and allowed it. We slept on the living room floor, we thought she was asleep. But my dad had pulled me into the kitchen. She heard what he said to me and watched as he hit me. She just kept pretending to be asleep and the next day told the rest of my friends what was up.

“They were all older than me and one of them finally understood why I was always so stressed, so at lunch he pulled me aside and offered me his pack.”

“You took it?” I nodded.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have but, I don’t know, I guess it was one small rebellion that I allowed myself. My own passive aggressive bid for freedom.”

“Can I see it?” I looked at him confused but he was staring at the lighter I still held in my hand. I offered it to him and he took it gently. He turned it this way and that, taking in all of the details. “This is really nice. How’d you get it?”

“Bought it.”

“They can’t sell lighters to a minor.” I snorted.

“I looked older than my age.” He nodded before handing it back.

“You want to play a game?” I looked at him curiously and he smirked before pulling out a deck of cards. I chuckled but didn’t object when he started to deal.

We passed the next several hours like that. Just playing this card game or that, and talking. Then we had to turn on a light in order to see, and not long after that my dinner was delivered. Finally, he stood and I stood with him.

“I need to go, but I’ll come back tomorrow afternoon.” I looked at the floor.

“You don’t have to. I know you have better things to do than keep me company.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong.” I looked up at him and he smiled down at me. “I really don’t have anything better to do.” He made it halfway to the door before turning back to me. “Is there anything else I can bring you?” I thought for a minute.

“Can I have some music?” He nodded and held up his index finger.

“Under one condition, you have to eat that entire meal.” He pointed to my tray and I smiled before nodding. He gave me a half wave before letting himself out. And I grabbed the food and sat on my bed to eat it. True to my word, when they came to get the tray it was empty.

The next week went the same way. He would come and spend several hours with me. Sometimes he would bring books and we would just sit quietly and read together. Other times he would bring different games and we’d laugh while we played. Or we would stick to the cards.

But every time he left and for the hours before he arrived, the depression would always come back. And I would go back to staring through glass. I tried to eat more, for him, but my appetite really hadn’t improved. The music helped but it would usually just remind me of how alone I was.

Then another week passed, and everything stopped working. I still anticipated Sadler’s company, but I couldn’t eat anymore. It would only make my stomach hurt. I lost interest in the games, and talking no longer held any appeal. For a couple of days we simply sat in silence. I was still better when he was there, but I couldn’t even fake a smile anymore.

One day I had tried to pry the chain off, but it wouldn’t budge, I had only scratched the wood. I knew that Sadler had noticed, but he didn’t say anything. The next day, before Sadler showed up, I snapped. It started with me putting a hand against the glass.

All I wanted was to step outside. To feel the sun and breath real fresh air, instead of the sliver that I had access to. I started scratching at the glass. It hurt but I couldn’t stop, all I could think was that I needed to be outside. I scratched until I was too tired to continue. Then I just continued to stare outside.

 

 

 

 

Sadler

 

 

 

I opened the door and walked in before I noticed anything. She had been rigid for the past couple of days. Not talking just sitting there staring outside. She knew I was there and acknowledged me, but that was it.

I had closed the door and turned, usually she at least said hello by now. But she kept her back to me, and as I approached her I noticed she was trembling. Then I caught site of the door. I felt like all the breath in my body had been squeezed out. Like a giant and wrapped his hand around my chest and squeezed.

The door was covered in blood and scratch marks. I rushed to her side, but she didn’t even look at me. Her hands were placed gently in her lap, but she held them at an odd angle. I grabbed her wrists and she didn’t even react. Her hands were covered in blood, her fingers torn and still bleeding, it brought tears to my eyes.

“What did you do?” I whispered. She looked at me, but her eyes were glassed over, it was like she was looking at me, but she couldn’t really see me.

“I wanted to feel the sun.” She whispered. Her voice was harsh from nonuse. I rushed into her bathroom and grabbed all of the first aid stuff I could find.

When I came back she was sitting exactly as I had left her. Staring at the spot I had been. I grabbed her shoulders and made her sit on the bed. As I doctored her hands she just sat there unmoving. I tried talking to her, but she might as well have been deaf. After her hands were wrapped I tried to get her to talk again, but she never changed. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. I yelled at her to snap out of it, but she just kept staring with empty eyes. I crushed her to my chest and wrapped my arms around her. At first she didn’t react, but then she started to tremble again.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered in her ear, but it was apparently the wrong thing to say. She pushed me away and when I looked at her she was no longer staring with empty eyes, but eyes filled with anger instead.

“No it’s not. It’s never going to be okay. You don’t get to lie to me,” She snapped.

“Yes, it is,” I told her as vehemently as I could. She shook her head.

“Stop it. Stop lying to me. It’s never been okay, and it’s never going to be. Every time I start to feel like it’s all going to work out something like this happens. First my mom died, but I thought at least I had my dad. Then he started to be cruel, and I thought it’s alright, because I can move out when I turn eighteen. Then he sold me to those monsters, so I started to plan how we were going to run when we were old enough.

“But Drake brings us here, and I had actually hoped that maybe, my torture was over. Instead, he takes away everything I ever managed to care about, and locks me away like I was the monster. What is so wrong with me that I can never be happy. What did I do to make these things happen. What did I do to deserve this?” She had started her rant out of anger, but by the time she was done her eyes were filled with despair, and tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

I reached up and wiped some of her tears, but they were coming too quickly for me to keep up. She didn’t blubber when she cried. Instead she just sat there straight faced as her tears fell. It was sad and oddly beautiful at the same time. I pulled her to me again, and to my surprise she didn’t fight me. Her bandaged hands gripped the front of my shirt and her shoulders started to rise and fall with her sobs.

“You don’t deserve this. You never deserved any of it.” It was the only thing I could say.

I moved us up the bed so that I was leaning on the headboard and she was leaning on me. After about a half hour her sobs stopped and her breathing evened out. She had cried herself to sleep. I moved her so that she was stretched out and covered her with the blankets. After I was sure that she was comfortable, and wouldn’t wake, I grabbed some water and a clothe from the bathroom.

It took a lot of scrubbing and several minutes to get the blood off of the glass, but when it was done I got rid of the clothe and soiled water. I watched her sleep for several minutes. Her cheeks were tear stained and she looked exhausted even in sleep.

I left silently and made my way downstairs. Everyone was off doing their own things and I had intended to let myself out. But then I heard laughter coming from Drake’s office. It infuriated me. Ailith was upstairs in torture and they acted like she didn’t even exist, apart from the occasional meal. Which I knew for a fact that she hadn’t been eating.

So instead of leaving I risked my entire way of life by bursting into his office. Becca had been reclining in one of the large chairs, and Drake had positioned himself so that he could prop his feet up on the corner of his desk. They both jumped as the door slammed open, but they only put their feet down and sat in their seats.

“Sadler, what’s wrong?” Drake asked just as Becca asked her own question.

“Is she alright?” I shook from my anger and clenched my fists to keep from lashing out.

“No she’s not. She’s trapped in a room wondering what the hell she had done to deserve her life.” Drake sighed.

“Sadler, we’ve been over this. We have to keep her contained until we know she’s stable enough to be around others.”

“And how long will that be? It’s been three weeks, Drake, how much longer do you need?”

“We have to make sure she’s okay after she shifts. Until then she could snap at any moment.”

“So you’re going to keep her up there until she has her first shift?! That could take years.”

“We don’t have a choice.”

“No, she doesn’t have a choice. You’re alpha, you do have a choice. Look at my shirt Drake, these are her tears. If she loses her sanity it will only be because you drove her to it.” He slammed his fist down on his desk and stood. Becca jumped at the sound, but I didn’t even flinch.

“That’s enough! She is in a comfortable room and we provide her with