The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (grave mercy TXT) đ
- Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- Performer: 014044792X
Book online «The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (grave mercy TXT) đ». Author Fyodor Dostoyevsky
âYesâI dare say it is all as you say; I dare say you are quite right,â muttered the prince once more. âShe is very sensitive and easily put out, of course; but still, sheâŠâ
âShe is worthy of sympathy? Is that what you wished to say, my good fellow? But then, for the mere sake of vindicating her worthiness of sympathy, you should not have insulted and offended a noble and generous girl in her presence! This is a terrible exaggeration of sympathy! How can you love a girl, and yet so humiliate her as to throw her over for the sake of another woman, before the very eyes of that other woman, when you have already made her a formal proposal of marriage? And you DID propose to her, you know; you did so before her parents and sisters. Can you be an honest man, prince, if you act so? I ask you! And did you not deceive that beautiful girl when you assured her of your love?â
âYes, you are quite right. Oh! I feel that I am very guilty!â said Muishkin, in deepest distress.
âBut as if that is enough!â cried Evgenie, indignantly. âAs if it is enough simply to say: âI know I am very guilty!â You are to blame, and yet you persevere in evil-doing. Where was your heart, I should like to know, your CHRISTIAN HEART, all that time? Did she look as though she were suffering less, at that moment? You saw her faceâwas she suffering less than the other woman? How could you see her suffering and allow it to continue? How could you?â
âBut I did not allow it,â murmured the wretched prince.
âHowâwhat do you mean you didnât allow?â
âUpon my word, I didnât! To this moment I donât know how it all happened. IâI ran after Aglaya Ivanovna, but Nastasia Philipovna fell down in a faint; and since that day they wonât let me see Aglayaâthatâs all I know.â
âItâs all the same; you ought to have run after Aglaya though the other was fainting.â
âYes, yes, I oughtâbut I couldnât! She would have diedâshe would have killed herself. You donât know her; and I should have told Aglaya everything afterwardsâbut I see, Evgenie Pavlovitch, you donât know all. Tell me now, why am I not allowed to see Aglaya? I should have cleared it all up, you know. Neither of them kept to the real point, you see. I could never explain what I mean to you, but I think I could to Aglaya. Oh! my God, my God! You spoke just now of Aglayaâs face at the moment when she ran away. Oh, my God! I remember it! Come along, come alongâ quick!â He pulled at Evgenieâs coat-sleeve nervously and excitedly, and rose from his chair.
âWhere to?â
âCome to Aglayaâquick, quick!â
âBut I told you she is not at Pavlofsk. And what would be the use if she were?â
âOh, sheâll understand, sheâll understand!â cried the prince, clasping his hands. âShe would understand that all this is not the pointânot a bit the real pointâit is quite foreign to the real question.â
âHow can it be foreign? You ARE going to be married, are you not? Very well, then you are persisting in your course. ARE you going to marry her or not?â
âYes, I shall marry herâyes.â
âThen why is it ânot the pointâ?â
âOh, no, it is not the point, not a bit. It makes no difference, my marrying herâit means nothing.â
âHow âmeans nothingâ? You are talking nonsense, my friend. You are marrying the woman you love in order to secure her happiness, and Aglaya sees and knows it. How can you say that itâs ânot the pointâ?â
âHer happiness? Oh, no! I am only marrying herâwell, because she wished it. It means nothingâitâs all the same. She would certainly have died. I see now that that marriage with Rogojin was an insane idea. I understand all now that I did not understand before; and, do you know, when those two stood opposite to one another, I could not bear Nastasia Philipovnaâs face! You must know, Evgenie Pavlovitch, I have never told anyone beforeânot even Aglayaâthat I cannot bear Nastasia Philipovnaâs face.â (He lowered his voice mysteriously as he said this.) You described that evening at Nastasia Philipovnaâs (six months since) very accurately just now; but there is one thing which you did not mention, and of which you took no account, because you do not know. I mean her FACEâI looked at her face, you see. Even in the morning when I saw her portrait, I felt that I could not BEAR to look at it. Now, thereâs Vera Lebedeff, for instance, her eyes are quite different, you know. Iâm AFRAID of her face!â he added, with real alarm.
âYou are AFRAID of it?â
âYesâsheâs mad!â he whispered, growing pale.
âDo you know this for certain?â asked Evgenie, with the greatest curiosity.
âYes, for certainâquite for certain, now! I have discovered it ABSOLUTELY for certain, these last few days.â
âWhat are you doing, then?â cried Evgenie, in horror. âYou must be marrying her solely out of FEAR, then! I canât make head or tail of it, prince. Perhaps you donât even love her?â
âOh, no; I love her with all my soul. Why, she is a child! Sheâs a child nowâa real child. Oh! you know nothing about it at all, I see.â
âAnd are you assured, at the same time, that you love Aglaya too?â
âYesâyesâoh; yes!â
âHow so? Do you want to make out that you love them BOTH?â
âYesâyesâboth! I do!â
âExcuse me, prince, but think what you are saying! Recollect yourself!â
âWithout AglayaâIâI MUST see Aglaya!âI shall die in my sleep very soonâI thought I was dying in my sleep last night. Oh! if Aglaya only knew allâI mean really, REALLY all! Because she must know ALLâthatâs the first condition towards understanding. Why cannot we ever know all about another, especially when that other has been guilty? But I donât know what Iâm talking aboutâIâm so confused. You pained me so dreadfully. Surelyâsurely Aglaya has not the same expression now as she had at the moment when she ran away? Oh, yes! I am guilty and I know itâI know it! Probably I am in fault all roundâI donât quite know howâbut I am in fault, no doubt. There is something else, but I cannot explain it to you, Evgenie Pavlovitch. I have no words; but Aglaya will understand. I have always believed Aglaya will understandâI am assured she will.â
âNo, prince, she will not. Aglaya loved like a woman, like a human being, not like an abstract spirit. Do you know what, my poor prince? The most probable explanation of the matter is that you never loved either the one or the other in reality.â
âI donât knowâperhaps you are right in much that you have said, Evgenie Pavlovitch. You are very wise, Evgenie Pavlovitchâoh! how my head is beginning to ache again! Come to her, quickâfor Godâs sake, come!â
âBut I tell you she is not in Pavlofsk! Sheâs in Colmina.â
âOh, come to Colmina, then! Comeâlet us go at once!â
âNoâno, impossible!â said Evgenie, rising.
âLook hereâIâll write a letterâtake a letter for me!â
âNoâno, prince; you must forgive me, but I canât undertake any such commissions! I really canât.â
And so they parted.
Evgenie Pavlovitch left the house with strange convictions. He, too, felt that the prince must be out of his mind.
âAnd what did he mean by that FACEâa face which he so fears, and yet so loves? And meanwhile he really may die, as he says, without seeing Aglaya, and she will never know how devotedly he loves her! Ha, ha, ha! How does the fellow manage to love two of them? Two different kinds of love, I suppose! This is very interestingâpoor idiot! What on earth will become of him now?â
X.
THE prince did not die before his weddingâeither by day or night, as he had foretold that he might. Very probably he passed disturbed nights, and was afflicted with bad dreams; but, during the daytime, among his fellow-men, he seemed as kind as ever, and even contented; only a little thoughtful when alone.
The wedding was hurried on. The day was fixed for exactly a week after Evgenieâs visit to the prince. In the face of such haste as this, even the princeâs best friends (if he had had any) would have felt the hopelessness of any attempt to saveâ the poor madman.â Rumour said that in the visit of Evgenie Pavlovitch was to be discerned the influence of Lizabetha Prokofievna and her husband⊠But if those good souls, in the boundless kindness of their hearts, were desirous of saving the eccentric young fellow from ruin, they were unable to take any stronger measures to attain that end. Neither their position, nor their private inclination, perhaps (and only naturally), would allow them to use any more pronounced means.
We have observed before that even some of the princeâs nearest neighbours had begun to oppose him. Vera Lebedeffâs passive disagreement was limited to the shedding of a few solitary tears; to more frequent sitting alone at home, and to a diminished frequency in her visits to the princeâs apartments.
Colia was occupied with his father at this time. The old man died during a second stroke, which took place just eight days after the first. The prince showed great sympathy in the grief of the family, and during the first days of their mourning he was at the house a great deal with Nina Alexandrovna. He went to the funeral, and it was observable that the public assembled in church greeted his arrival and departure with whisperings, and watched him closely.
The same thing happened in the park and in the street, wherever he went. He was pointed out when he drove by, and he often overheard the name of Nastasia Philipovna coupled with his own as he passed. People looked out for her at the funeral, too, but she was not there; and another conspicuous absentee was the captainâs widow, whom Lebedeff had prevented from coming.
The funeral service produced a great effect on the prince. He whispered to Lebedeff that this was the first time he had ever heard a Russian funeral service since he was a little boy. Observing that he was looking about him uneasily, Lebedeff asked him whom he was seeking.
âNothing. I only thought Iââ
âIs it Rogojin?â
âWhyâis he here?â
âYes, heâs in church.â
âI thought I caught sight of his eyes!â muttered the prince, in confusion. âBut what of it!âWhy
Comments (0)