The Justice Nerds by Robert, Cody, Dayna (popular romance novels .txt) đ
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Chapter 1
"Prologue"
(The Somewhat Normal Chapter)
The day was Tuesday, March 2nd, 2011 and a half, I think. The time is 35 minutes past 11:30. The place is in some cave in the side of a tall mountain that has no name. I call it âThe Mountain Next to the Other Oneâ⊠yeah. The cave I call âThe Cave of Nerdlyness.â
In the sleeping quarters of the enchanted awesome looking cave Xavian Green, or better known as The Royal Flush, was sleeping and dreaming of a dream that was actually about his past or something. So, yeah, letâs fade to the dream.
R.F. (ha, ha) was eating at his favorite Mexican food place called âTalking Tacosâ. He was eating the same as he always eats: an extra-large and extra bean, bean burrito. But this was the new one that just opened and was built by the Nuclear Waste plant. (Don, don, don) R.F. didnât think anything of it and was the only one eating there. His burrito was a little green, but that was normal. But the glow wasnât. He ate it anyway.
Suddenly he felt something stirring within him. Deep, DEEP within him. His eyes darted to the bathroom door, measuring the distance. Would he be able to make it?! He jumped to his feet and kicked his chair back for dramatic effect before leaping across the table, leaving a cloud of burrito wrappers in his wake.
Meanwhile, as he bolted for the door, a sudden surge of pain struck within the lower bowels of his body. The only thing that raced through his mind was: I GOT TO GO NOW! On the way there he was ambushed by a redneck and a change-loving hobo on an H-E-B cart came flying by.
âCHANGE?â the hobo exclaimed while sniffing R.F.âs hair. At that point the cart tripped R.F. and the âturtleâ snuck out a little.
âOooh! A turtle !â the redneck said excitedly. âIâve always wanted to pet a turtle!â He looked around anxiously, searching for the non-existent shell-covered reptile.
*Not that kind of turtle, you idiot!*
The redneck frowned up at the sky. âFine, then! Ruin my dreams!â he shouted, shaking a fist. He hopped into the hoboâs cart and the two careened around the corner of the nearest building, disappearing into a mysterious alleyway that hadnât existed a moment before.
Royal Flush carefully got to his feet in slow motion, fearing that any sudden movement would set off his internal bomb.
Step-by-step, he slowly walked to his target, holding back tears, fighting from what could be his last hour of decency. At last he was face-to-face with the door. âVictory!â he screeched as he reached for the handle. However, fate decided otherwise: the âturtleâ decided to make a second appearance. The force of the unexpected guest was too strong. R.F., on the other hand, held to stall the blasted beast for a little while longer!
Then he realized something. âWhy am I outside?!â He must have gone out the wrong doorâŠ. At this point he was so desperate that he didnât care whether or not he was able to get rid of his burritos in the comfort of a bathroom or behind some poor defenseless bush.
Talking Tacos happened to be conveniently right next to an apartment complex, and an open window on the bottom floor caught his eye. Without a second thought he hobbled across the street and dove into some random personâs house, not pausing to consider whether or not it was in fact a bathroom window.
It was.
Five long, glorious minutes later Royal Flush was about to flush the toilet when⊠he realized something was wrong. Terribly wrong. There was a cold, wet sensation between his toes. He looked down at his feet to find that he was standing in 12 inches of water!! His radioactive poop was rapidly eating away at the porcelain of the toilet. He realized what was going to happen a split second before it happened. He threw his arms in front of his face right as a geyser of water erupted from the half-eaten toilet.
Squeak! Squelch! Squiiiish! The innocent, unsuspecting family looked up from their T.V. to find a disheveled boy standing in the entryway, totally drenched and dripping all over the carpet.
Royal Flush stood there awkwardly for a moment. Finally he said, âUh⊠you might want to consider investing in a new toiletâŠ.â
He turned and made his noisy way to the front door, radiating embarrassment. As the family watched him leave, their heads tilted to the side in comic confusion. As he slowly walked away from the door, he heard something that sounded like an elephant. He turned around, a bit confused, and sure enough an elephant came crashing through the radioactive home. He looked and leaned to see where it had come from. It seemed that it came from the bathroom, where he, himself, had just left. The family was just in shock by what had just happened. Royal Flush turned around again to be ambushed by a frying pan and a mysterious man.
âAHHH!â R.F. screams. He wakes in confusion. âIt was the dream again,â he whispered to himself. Then without the door moving, Kyle, A.K.A. The Linebacker, crashes through the side wall.
Whatâs wronngaa?!â Kyle screams as he destroys everything.
âWellâŠâ R.F. says, confused by what had happened, âI had this crazy dream, but⊠it was more like a flashback.â
âYou know what makes me feel better?â
âWhat?â
âThis song I learnedââ
âHowâd you learn the song?â
âWell, it was a long, long, long, long, long, long, long⊠. What was I talking aboutâOh yeah! Long, long time ago. My momma taught me this song long before I was even hatched. Here it goesâŠ.â Right as he sat down a stump erupted out of the carpet. He pulled an acoustic guitar out of his pocket and cleared his throat. âThis âhere is how I sing this tune:â
âI once met a âfeller, called the old wise guy,
Who had tempted me with a yummy pie.
I didnât know that it contained the T-virus,
So I gave the pie to Miley Cyrus.
Holy Smokes! You shouldaâ seen what she did.
That there gal was red as a pig!
In the wink of an eye,
She had eaten that pie,
And with a snarl and a hiss,
She leaped as if to kiss.
She was as heavy as a boulder,
As her teeth sank into my shoulder.
Then Miley Cyrus vanished in smoke,
And a fire ran through my veins that made me choke.â
âYodelayooo!!! Yodelaââ
âWhat happened next?â R.F. asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
âWellâŠ. Yodelayooooo!!!!â he screeched.
âWait, wait, wait! You never told me what was next,â R.F. protested. The Linebackerâs acoustic morphed into an electric guitar and he tied a bandanna around his head. A small stone popped out of the ground, followed by several more until they formed a circle, from the middle of which erupted a roaring fire. Royal Flush scooted backwards on his bed, startled. He said,
âWhoa! What in Sam Hill is going on?â
Linebacker started playing, and was so into the song that he did not hear a single word coming out of R.F.âs mouth. The only thing that he heard was the electric guitar.
Eventually, The Linebacker stopped, looked at R.F., and roared at the top of his lungs, with every ounce of strength and being, âCALM DOWN!â
Now, with all that yelling, those words travelled quite a ways, awakening the one⊠the one that they (or, âweâ, I guess) call The P.I.L.F..
âCanât a superhero get any sleep anymore?!â Pilf thundered. He rolled out of bed to yell out the window, but he didnât get very far. He slipped on a random banana peel and crashed to the floor, conking his head on a barbell. Instantly he was knocked unconscious, and a giant dream cloud bloomed into existence over his head.
On the beginning month of 2011 Pilf was a cop and on duty. Then over the C.V. Radio , âUnit 1215 to dispatch, calling for backup, ambulance, and fire team. There is a massive wreck on the Main Street bridge.â
âDispatch, calling any units around the Main Street area.â Thankfully Pilf was right next to the bridge.
âUnit 18 to dispatch Iâm on my way,â Pilf said. He peeled out his tires and did a U-turn like in the movies and went only 1 yard before hitting the wreck. He opened his door and stepped out. âThat was quick.â He ran to the nearest crashed car and pulled out the injured driver. Then he dropped the guy and ran to the next car and did a front flip over the car, and when he stuck the landing three ninjas came out of nowhere. Pilf fought them with mad sills, karate chopping his way to victory. When he finished them all off he screamed at the top of his lungs, âHiiyahhh!â Then he noticed a little girl trying to cross the street over on the other side of the bridge. There was a truck heading for her moving very fast. Pilf sprang into action and jumped over the median sprinting at full speed and he pushed the girl to the sidewalk. The truck hit Pilfâs arms, only paralyzing his arms. He passed out and lay there unconscious.
There was chaos all around, the little girl was crying for her pet turtle, and sirens blared in a cacophony of noise. But nobody noticed Pilf.
Except one.
Out of a clump of bushes on the side of the road jumped a funny little man with really tall hair. He glanced around carefully before doing a series of rolls, flips, and dives until he reached Pilfâs side. He gathered up Pilfâs arms, secured them to his back with a piece of rope, and then tied Pilfâs feet together with a second piece of rope. The man glanced around cautiously once more, ducking to avoid a random tire flying through the air from an exploding car, and then began to army crawl back to the bushes, dragging Pilf by the feet. When he had reached the bushes, the man lifted a large tuft of grass (which actually turned out to be the secret entrance to his Underground Super-Secret Laboratory of Unexplainable Weirdness). He dumped Pilf through the opening before jumping through it himself, closing the hatch behind him. Shortly after the hatch closed, the bridge gave out, killing an innocent change-loving hobo. Or so we thoughtâŠ.
Inside the Underground Super-Secret Laboratory of Unexplainable Weirdness, the funny little man had Pilf strapped to a funny-looking device.
âWell, My PreciousâyesssâŠ. I shall call you My Precious! Perfect fit for you, yes.â
With this âfunnyâ little man babbling on with his thoughts, Pilf awoke to find that he was in a very strange place with strange equipment. Finally, he noticed the âfunnyâ little man babbling and said, âHey? What âcho babbling about?!â
âAhh⊠so he is awake, no?â said the little old man. âWell My Preciousââ
âDid you just call me Precious?!â Pilf exclaimed, speaking with attitude. âOhh, no you DI-DNâT! â
âOh, be quiet!â the little man commanded, exasperated. He pulled a giant, 2-foot needle (half his own height) out of his pocket and jabbed the deadly point into one of Pilfâs newly attached arms, cutting off his shout of indignance. Pilf slumped back against the contraption binding him, mumbling incoherently.
âMy PreciousssâŠâ the little man cooed, stroking Pilfâs head fondly. But Pilfâs rage at being treated like an oversized house cat swelled, overcoming the haze of
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