Mr. Punch in the Highlands by J. A. Hammerton and Charles Keene (books to improve english .txt) 📖
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[Pg 189]
CANDID
Sportsman. "Boy, you've been at this whiskey!"
Boy (who has brought the luncheon-basket). "Na! The cooark wadna come oot!"
[Pg 190]
"UNCO CANNY"
Noble Sportsman. "Missed, eh?"
Cautious Keeper. "Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae faur as to say that; but a' doot ye hay'na exactly hit."
THE SONG OF THE SCOTCH TOURISTThose Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels
Are fit for princes and for swells;
But their high charges don't agree
With humbler travellers like me.
Twelve shillings daily for my board
Is more than I can well afford,
For this includes nor ale nor wine,
Whereof I drink some when I dine.
Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six,
A price that in my gizzard sticks:
And if I want a pint of port,
A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't.
For service, too, I have to pay,
Two shillings, as a rule, per day:
Yet always, when I leave the door,
The boots and waiter beg for more.
So, till a fortune I can spend,
Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend;
Far cheaper there, experience tells,
Is living than at Scotch hotels!
[Pg 191]
A VERY DIFFERENT MATTER
Southern Lord (staying at Highland castle). "Thank you so much. I—ah—weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place."
Sandy the piper. "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lordship be needin'?"
Southern Lord. "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy."
Sandy (sniffing). "Och! Inteet!—Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lordship, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!"
[Pg 192]
THE END
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch in the Highlands, by Various
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