Colonel Chuckles by Scorpio *** (psychology books to read .txt) 📖

him and asked, “ Boss are you Ok?” Disguising his pain Col replied “it is ok, I missed your aim, it was an Ochan throw, to tell you the least!”

 

While we were thinking & thinking to figure out how we can possibly measure the pole, along came Sub Major Satta Singh, the practical soldier. After asking what we were doing he replied " Saab this is easy, as simple as that". He then reaches around the pole and pulls it out of the ground and lays it down. "There you go", he said as he walked away triumphantly with his characteristic smile!

 

Col looked at me in bewilderment and said “ this stupid Sradarji will never get anywhere, we don't need to know how wide the wretched pole is, just how tall!   I had to nod agreement!

 

Col’s tweet

 

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

 

 

66   Be tactful ok !

 

One morning the Coy commander called the Col ( he was a captain naturally!) and told hinm. " Hi Smarty”, This Coy commander used to address him as smarty for what rhyme or reason I don’t know. “Look I just got a telegram from Lucknow our CHM Yadav’s mother died yesterday. Better go and tell him and also tell him to meet me”

 

”Yes Sir”

 

So Col set out for the mission! He went to the Coy fall in . Then announced “ Hav Nair report to QM at 0900 hrs without fail ok. Nk Hanuman Singh report to Mess Secretary at 0930 hrs , he is unable to tally his accounts just help him ok. By the by CHM Yadav! your mother passed away last night. Go and meet coy commander Sab ok, Rest go to Officers Mess Lawn for working inder CQMH Pillai ok”  

 

Later, Major sab met the Col in officers Mess for Lunch. “ Hi Smarty   you are an idiot! It was a pretty cold way to inform Yadav about   his mother’s demise . you didn’t say a word to console him. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

 

 

"Yes, sir," answered the Col “ I will be more careful next time Sir”

“ That is better! That is the spirit” Coy Commander said

 

A few weeks later Major sab called the Col again and told him ” Hi news is sad, Hav N N Singh’s wife expired yesterday. I got a telegram just now!   You'd better go and give him the sad mews and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful & considerate Ok ."

 

“Right Sir”

 

So the Col got the A Section on fall in. Then started off “ look! losing some one dear is really hurting! One has to live with!   Now every one with a wife take two steps forward” .

 

All married Jawans took two steps forward including Hav NN Singh. Col said in a very soft voice as he could”

 

“ No no no NN Singh not so fast! Just be there where u are !

 

 Col Tweets

 

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement

 

 

67 Fishing Experience

 

Col and his darling wife were on vacation in the in the isles of Fiji.

 

While there they decided to go out fishing since hearing of the many great fishing spots.

They rented a boat and left before sunrise. The sun was now shining directly down on their heads. They realized that they'd been out at sea for nearly 4 hrs.!

 

Col turns around and tells his wife ” This is too much Darling So much talk for the great fishing spot! I think we should get back before Lunch, Forget about the fish part I”,

 

His wife replied “ Hi once more! Hon Let’s just try casting over there", as he pointed east of where they were. Col agreed and not long after they started hauling in reasonably good of fish. Col’s wife with a glee in her face shouted out to Col "this is the best fishing spot ever!” “I know”, said Col in reply “ We should definitely mark this place”

 

“Don’t worry I have already done that” Col’s wife answered with triumphant smile.

As they headed back to shore, Col asked her what how did she put out there as to mark their fishing spot.

 

The lady answered “ Well I marked the side of the boat! Right here, see, a red cross”

Col with a surprised look turns to his wife and said "that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! You are worse than a blone! Whatis the surety that we get the same boat tomorrow?”

 

Col’s Tweet

 

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  XL

 

 

68 Gen Comet visits Unit

 

Col, when he was a captain was the Adjutant of the Regiment. One day his CO called him and gave the following instructions

“Look here tragic hero! ( CO calls him tragic hero those days becos he, our Col, used to keep his hair style analogus to that of Dilip Kumar)! Today at 2000 hrs Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Get the whole Bn, excuse only who are on guard duty, fall in in the football ground in working dress, of course sleeves rolled down, I will explain this rare phenomenon to all of them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see the Comet, get them assemble in the auditorium and arrange the video on the comet to be shown Ok! No mess up this time I hope!" 

“No Sir” Col got to his desk. Picked up his scribble pad and wrote down the following instructions and sent to the company Commanders through his runner.

"By order of the Old man, another freedom fighter, Halley Comet will appear in the battalion area today exactly at 1945 hrs, The old man will introduce Halley Comet, something which occurs only once every 75 years. Get the troops fall in in the football ground in working dress, sleeves rolled down, guard duty personnel excused, and please report by 1940 Hrs positively. In the eventuality of rains, fall in the troops in the theatre where the old man would once again murder you with his incorrigible extempore introducing Halley Comet.”

Company commanders, four of them, issued verbal instructions to their Senior JCOs of the Company. One of the company Commanders, Maj Saddy, called his SJCO Sub Sampooran Singh and gave the following instructions. :

"By order of the CO Sab today at 1930 hrs. the phenomenal Halley Comet will visit our Bn Area that happens normally once in 75 years. Company to fall in working dress sleeves roll down in the football ground at 1915 hrs and parade state complete in all respects given at 1920 hrs. Agar barish hote to shift them to the theatre where CO Sab will give a lecture demo on Halley Comet.”

SJCO scribbled religiously in his notebook, that he himself can’t   read again, always he carries and promptly issued the following to his Company Havildar Major (CHM) KK Muniyandi

" CO Sab ne Hukkum diya hai Ki aaj samko 1900 hrs mem apna paltan mem 75 vars ka Gen Halley sab visit karega. Company ka sab jawanom, guard duty chotke, 1845 hrs par working dress mem, sleeves neeche karke foot ball ground mem fallin Hoga. Aap mujhe teek 1900 hrs mem report dega poori parade state ke sath. Agr barish hota hai to company theatre mem fallin honge aur chup chap baidhenge! General Sab ko CO Sab khud  ground se drive karke theatre me layenge and uni ke baremem bhashan denge! Koi Shak?

“Nahim sab” Muniyandi started his machine rolling.

He got his company men fall in at 1830 hrs at the ground along with other three companies. Poor troops! eagerly waiting from 1830 hrs   to get a glance of that phenomenal 75-year-old Gen Hally Comet   they have never heard before!

 

Col Tweets

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have your spouse in mind to blame.

 

69  Col’s hearing problem gets cured

 

Col is very religious minded and goes to Swamiji’s Ashram every Friday and attends his preachings. He keenly listens and is very impressed with the Swamiji and always tells me “ Mate! you should go to him once then you will know his value”

 

On one Friday I decided to go along with Col to see and get blessings from the swamiji! After a long sermon on virtuous living the Swamiji asked “anyone who is in grief? Please come forward you will be prayed over”. Many went to him with different requests.

 

Suddenly to my utter surprise Col got up and walked to him and stood in the line . When his turn came the Swamiji asked “ Son! what do you want me to pray about? What is your problem?” Col told him with a grim face “Swamiji   I request you to pray for my hearing.”

 

So, the Swamyji put one finger in Col’s left ear and the other hand on top of his head and started praying in right earnest. All the while I was wondering as to what had gone wrong with Boss! He looked terribly lost but stood calmly showing lot of reverence to Swamiji.   After about 15 long minutes Swamji removed his hands and then said “ “Son! how’s your hearing now? Sure it must be better”

 

Col looked at me, I could see despair in his eyes. Col’s voice came out thus “I can’t say now Swamiji! The hearing is on next Monday for drunken driving! I will tell you on Tuesday”! I was floored!

 

Col Tweets

 

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

 

 

70  Lord is riding with me!

 

Col and Rev Father Thomas Purakkan are very good friends and were driving up to Munnar from Kottyam on a Sunday afternoon after having a heavy lunch at Aida preceded by couple of bottles of kingfisher beer. They set out in two different vehicles, Col’s i10   following Father” Accent. Col as usual was swerving from side to side and the Father was driving straight and true.

All of a sudden, the Father lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. Col noticed   that the Father going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if he was all right.

He found the father was ok and was climbing up the hillside. He yelled down at the Father "Are you alright?"

And the Father replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me."

Col yelled back "You had better let him ride with me next time, bcos your gonna get him killed!"

Don’t ask me why they took two cars when they could have gone in one very safely! Had they done that I wouldn’t have had this story to tell you!

 

Col Tweets

 

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved

 

 71 Col’s First encounter

 

We, Col and me from the same course were under training in Indian Military Academy (IMA). As graduate Engineers we joined in the third term and we had only one year training. We used to be called the Techies and the so-called NDAs and Direct Entries looked us down, mainly because of envy! While in training all trainees are referred as Gentleman Cadets (GCs)

 

One thing has to be admitted. Though there were many amongst us who performed much better in studies than the NDAs and Direct Entries generally speaking we were bit lacking in Drill Square and PT (Physical Training) primarily due to the fact that we were ushered to IMA straight from College. However, when passed out we were wearing two stars!

 

POP (Passing Out Parade) in IMA