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mine, and thank'd me, and wended

Her way from the river's brite sands.

And from that day to this tho I've stayed,

I've entirely failed to diskever

The name of that brite dairy-maid

As broke thirteen eggs by the river.

Robert.

half a turn of the head LOCKS ON THE THAMES

Sculler. "Just half a turn of the head, love, or we shall be among the rushes!"

[Pg 18]

THE STEAMER THE STEAMER

Old Mr. Squeamish, who has been on deck for his wrapper, finds his comfortable place occupied by a hairy mossoo!

OTHERWISE ENGAGED! (A Sentimental Fragment from Henley)

And so they sat in the boat and looked into one another's eyes, and found much to read in them. They ignored the presence of the houseboats, and scarcely remembered that there were such things as launches propelled by steam or electricity. And they turned deaf ears to the niggers, and did not want their fortunes told by dirty females of a gipsy type.

[Pg 20]

"This is very pleasant," said Edwin.

"Isn't it?" replied Angelina; "and it's such a good place for seeing all the events."

"Admirable!" and they talked of other things; and the time sped on, and the dark shadows grew, and still they talked, and talked, and talked.

At length the lanterns on the river began to glow, and Henley put on its best appearance, and broke out violently into fireworks. It was then Mrs. Grundy spied them out. She had been on the look out for scandal all day long, but could find none. This seemed a pleasant and promising case.

"So you are here!" she exclaimed. "Why, we thought you must have gone long ago! And what do you say of the meeting?"

"A most perfect success," said he.

"And the company?"

"Could not be more charming," was her reply.

"And what did you think of the racing?" Then they looked at one another and smiled. They spoke together, and observed:—

"Oh, we did not think of the racing!"

And Mrs. Grundy was not altogether satisfied.

[Pg 19]

OVERHEARD ON A LINER OVERHEARD ON AN ATLANTIC LINER

She (on her first trip to Europe). "I guess you like London?"

He. "Why, yes. I guess I know most people in London. I was over there last fall!"

[Pg 21]

The sad sea waves "VIDE UT SUPRA" "The sad sea waves"

[Pg 22]

LEST MEN FORGET; Or, A Girl's best Friend is the River

  [This is to be a river season. Father Thames is an excellent matchmaker.—Lady's Pictorial.]

Oh, what is a maid to do

When never a swain will woo;

When Viennese dresses

And eddying tresses

And eyes of a heavenly blue,

Are treated with high disdain

By the cold and the careless swain,

When soft showered glances

At dinners and dances

Are sadly but truly vain?

Ah, then, must a maid despair?

Ah, no, but betimes repair

With her magical tresses

And summery dresses

To upper Thames reaches, where

She turns her wan cheek to the sun

(Of lesser swains she will none);

Her glorious flame,

Well skilled in the game,

Flings kisses that burn like fun[Pg 23]

And cheeks that had lost their charm

Grow rosy and soft and warm;

Eyes lately so dull

Of sun-light are full

As masculine hearts with alarm.

For jealousy by degrees

Steals over the swain who sees

The cheek he was slighting

Another delighting,

And so he is brought to his knees.

AT THE UNIVERSITY BOAT-RACE AT THE UNIVERSITY BOAT-RACE

Extract from Miss X's letter to a friend in the country:—"Mr. Robin Blobbs offered to take us in his boat. Aunt accepted for Jenny, Fanny, Ethel, little Mary, and myself. Oh, such a time! Mr. Blobbs lost his head and his scull, and we were just rescued from upset by the police. 'Never again with you, Robin!'"

[Pg 24]

THE AMATEUR YACHTSMAN (A Nautical Song of the Period)
THE AMATEUR YACHTSMAN

I'm bad when at sea, yet it's pleasant to me

To charter a yacht and go sailing,

But please understand I ne'er lose sight of land,

Though hardier sailors are railing.

If only the ship, that's the yacht, wouldn't dip,

And heel up and down and roll over,

And wobble about till I want to get out,

I'd think myself fairly in clover.

But, bless you! my craft, though the wind is abaft,

Will stagger when meeting the ripple,

Until a man feels both his head and his heels

Reversed as if full of his tipple.[Pg 26]

In vain my blue serge when from seas we emerge,

Though dressed as a nautical dandy;

I can't keep my legs, and I call out for "pegs"

Of rum, or of soda and brandy.

A yacht is a thing, they say, fit for a king,

And still it is not to my liking;

My short pedigree does not smack of the sea,—

I can't pose a bit like a viking.

It's all very well when there isn't a swell,

But when that comes on I must toddle

And go down below, for a bit of a blow

Upsets my un-nautical noddle.

Britannia may rule her own waves,—I'm a fool

To try the same game, but, believe me,

Though catching it hot, yet to give up my "Yot"

Would certainly terribly grieve me.

You see, it's the rage, like the Amateur Stage,

Or Coaching, Lawn-Tennis, or Hunting:

So, though I'm so queer, I go yachting each year,

And hoist on the Solent my bunting.


A Henley Toast.—"May rivals meet without any sculls being broken!"

Of Course!—The very place for a fowl—Henley!

The Journal which evidently keeps the Key of the River.—The Lock to Lock Times.

[Pg 25]

MALICE AFORETHOUGHT OF MALICE AFORETHOUGHT

Cheery Official. "All first class 'ere, please?"

Degenerate Son of the Vikings (in a feeble voice). "First class? Now do I look it?"

[Pg 27]

LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE "LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE"

Next to the charming society, the best of the delightful trips on our friend's yacht is, that you get such an admirable view of the coast scenery, and you acquire such an excellent appetite for lunch.

[Pg 28]

ROBERT ON THE RIVER
ROBERT

It was ony a week or so ago as I was engaged perfeshnally on board a steam Yot that had been hired for about as jolly a party as I ewer remembers to have had on board a ship, and the Forreners among 'em had ewidently been brort for to see what a reel lovely River the Tems is. I must say I was glad to get away from Town, as I 'ad 'ad a shock from seeing a something dreadful on an old showcard outside of the Upraw which they tells me is now given up to Promenades. So we started from Skindel's, at Madenhed Bridge, and took 'em right up to Gentlemanly Marlow, and on to old Meddenham, and then to Henley, and lots of other butiful places, and then back to Skindel's to dinner. And a jolly nice little dinner they guv us,[Pg 30] and sum werry good wine, as our most critical gests—and we had two Corporation gents among 'em—couldn't find not no fault with. But there's sum peeple as it ain't not of no use to try to sattisfy with butiful seenery—at least, not if they bees Amerrycains. They don't seem not to have the werry least hadmiration or respect for anythink as isn't werry big, and prefur size to buty any day of the week.

"Well, it's a nice-looking little stream enuff," says an Amerrycain, who was a board a grinnin; "but it's really quite a joke to call it a River. Why, in my country," says he, "if you asked me for to show you a River, I should take you to Mrs. Sippy's, and when we got about harf way across it, I guess you'd see a reel River then, for it's so wide that you carn't see the land on either side of it, so you sees nothink else but the River, and as that's what you wanted for to see, you carn't werry well grumble then." I shood, most suttenly, have liked for to have asked him, what sort of Locks they had in sitch a River as that, and whether Mrs. Sippy cort many wales when she went out for a day's fishing in that little River[Pg 32] of hers, but I knows my place, and never asks inconvenient questions.

However, he was a smart sort of feller, and had 'em I must say werry nicely indeed a few minutes arterwards. We was a passing a werry butiful bit of the river called a Back Water, and he says, says he, "As it's so preshus hot in the sun, why don't we run in there and enjoy the shade for a time, while we have our lunch?" "Oh," says one of the marsters of the feast, "we are not allowed to go there; that's privet, that is." "Why how can that be?" says he, "when you told me, just now, as you'd lately got a Hact of Parliament passed which said that wherever Tems Water flowed it was open to all the world, as of course it ort to be." "Ah," said the other, looking rayther foolish, "but this is one of the xceptions, for there's another claws in the hact as says that wherever any body has had a hobstruction in the River for 20 years it belongs to him for hever, but he musn't make another nowheres."

The Amerrycain grinned as before, and said, "Well, I allers said as you was about the rummiest lot of people on the face of the airth, and this is on'y another proof of it. You are so werry fond of everythink as is old, that if a man can show as he has had a cussed noosance for twenty years, he may keep it coz he's had it so long, while all sensible peeple must think, as that's one more reeson for sweeping the noosance clean away." And I must say, tho he was a Amerrycane, that I coodn't help thinking as he was right.

It's estonishing what a remarkabel fine happy-tight a run on the butiful Tems seems to give heverybody, and wot an adwantage we has in that partickler respect over the poor Amerycans who[Pg 34] gos for a trip on Mrs. Sippy's big River, with the wind a bloing like great guns, and the waves a dashing mountings hi. But on our butiful little steamer on our luvly little river, altho the gests had most suttenly all brekfasted afore they cum, why we hadn't started much about half-a-nour, afore three or fore on 'em came creeping down into the tite little cabin and asking for jest a cup of tea and a hegg or two, and a few shrimps; and, in less than a nour arterwards, harf a duzzen more on 'em had jest a glass or two of wine and a sandwich, and all a arsking that most important of all questions on bord a Tems Yot, "What time do we lunch?" And by 2 a clock sharp they was all seated at it, and pegging away at the Sammon and the pidgin pie, het settera, as if they was harf-starved, and ewen arter that, the butiful desert and the fine old Port Wine was left upon the table, and I can troothfully state that the cabin was never wunce quite empty till we was again doing full justice to Mr. Skindel's maynoo.

Robert.


The Universal Motto at Henley.—Open houseboat.

[Pg 29]

EXEMPLI GRATIA "EXEMPLI GRATIA"

Ancient Mariner (to credulous yachtsman). "A'miral Lord Nelson! Bless yer, I knowed him; served under him. Many's the time I've as'ed him for a bit o' 'bacco, as I might be a astin' o' you; and says he, 'Well, I ain't

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