The Foolish Dictionary<br />An exhausting work of reference to un-certain English words, their origi by Gideon Wurdz (have you read this book TXT) 📖

Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.

FARE. The cost of a ride. See old adage, "Only the brave can work their fare."

FAULT About the only thing that is often found where it does not exist.

FICTION. The Constitutional fiat that "all men are created equal."

FIDDLER A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso who refuses to play a real tune.

FIRMNESS That admirable quality in ourselves that is detestable stubbornness in others.

FIG Nothing. Note, "I don't care a fig," etc.

FIG LEAF A small outer garment, next to nothing, worn by Adam 4000 B.C. and occasionally revived by Bostonian Art Committees.

FISHING An heroic treatment tried by some laymen to avoid falling asleep in church on Sunday.

FLAT A series of padded cells, commonly found in cities, in which are confined harmless monomaniacs who imagine Home to be a Sardine Box.

FLATTERY Cologne water, to be smelled of but not swallowed.

FLUE An escape for hot air.

FLUENCY The art of releasing the same.

FLUSH From Grk. phlox, heat. A rush of color to the cheek, or hand, caused by bodily—or poker—heat.

FLY A familiar summer boarder who mingles with the cream of society, gets stuck on the butter and leaves his specs behind.

FLY-SCREEN An arrangement for keeping flies in the house.

FOOT The understanding of a girl from the west.

FOOT-PATH Chicago, Ill.

FOOTBALL A clever subterfuge for carrying on prize-fights under the guise of a reputable game.

FOREIGNER

One who is eligible to the police force. From Grk. fero, to carry off, and enara, spoils. One who carries off the spoils.

FORBEARANCE The spirit of toleration shown when a man who knows, patiently listens to a fool who does not.

FRANC Twenty cents, in French.

FRANKFURTERS Four for twenty, in German. Derived from frank, open, and fortitude, meaning brave. Sold in the open and eaten by the brave.

FROST An old flame after the engagement is broken off.

FUN Joy.

FUNCTION Devoid of joy.

As ye sew, so shall ye rip.

Money makes the mayor go.—Proverbs of Politics.

GALLON From the Fr. galonner, to make tight. Note, one is sufficient.

GALLANTRY This word is now almost obsolete. It was formerly employed to express a deferential attention on the part of the man who in a crowded car gave up his seat to the ladies.

GAMBLER From the Grk. gumnos, stripped to the skin. And the gambler's the one that does it.

GARDEN From the Fr. garantir, to make good. Hence, a place where lovers make good.

GARLIC From Grk. gar, for, and Lat. liceor, to bid. Good for the biddies.

GEM A breakfast muffin. With the newly married, syn. for "a precious stone."

GERM A bit of animal life living in water.

GERMAN

More animal life, living on beer.

GIRAFFE The champion rubber-neck of the world, and the longest thirst on record.

GLOBE An all-round proposition which has furnished its shareholders a living for several thousand years, though its stock is two-thirds water.

GOAT The honored founder and oldest inhabitant of Harlem, N.Y. Elsewhere, not in good odor.

GOLF An excuse for carrying unconcealed weapons and a Scotch breath.

GONDOLA A pleasure craft which plies in Venice, at World's Fairs and other popular watering places. From Eng. gone, and Lat. dolor, sadness, or Eng. dollar. Sadness gone; also, a gone dollar.

GORE Blood. Shed daily in Chicago abattoirs but never spilled in French duels.

GOSSIP Derived either from the Grk. gups, vulture, or Fr. gosier, wind-pipe. Hence, a vulture that tears its prey to bits, or an exercise of the wind-pipe from which every victim gets a blow.

GOUT The undesirable scion of High Living, which frequent the lowest joints and is mentioned only in the Invalid's Foot-Notes.

GOWN From Lat. gaudium, joy. A thing of beauty and a joy forever; if from Paris, generally an article of some Worth.

GUNPOWDER A black substance much employed in marking the boundary lines of nations.

GUM A substance for sticking.

GUM-GAME A game in which some one is stuck.

GUTTER A school in which we may study the dregs of humanity or read the reflection of the stars.

There's many a slip twixt the toe and the heel.

Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.

HAIR-DRESSER A linguist whose position in life enables him to do his head-work with his hands.

HAMMER A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship.

HAMMOCK From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy. Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby love-making may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season.

HAND A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The Dealer. GLAD HAND. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre and the drummer's ablest assistant.

HANDMAIDEN A manicure.

HARANGUE The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng. hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear.

HARMONY From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains.

HASH   ?

HATCH To develop eggs.

HATCHWAY Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop.

HAY-FEVER A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass widow.

HEARSE Seen on the dead.

HEARSAY Heard on the dead.

HEARSE A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession.

HEART A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and enjoyed only after it is lost or given away.

HEAVE To raise.

HEAVEN A good place to be raised to.

HEDGE A fence.

HEDGEHOG One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster.

HELL Poverty.

HEREDITY The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.

HEROISM

A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie.

HIP A popular location for the retail liquor business.

HISTORY The evil that men do.

HIT A chance for first place, first base or first blood.

HOCK v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they generally "Hock the Kaiser."

HOMŒOPATHY See Allopathy.

HOOT MON! The Scottish National Hymn.

HOP To skip.

HOPPER A skipper.

HOPE A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes honored, but generally extended.

HORN A sharp point.

HORNET Still sharper.

HORSE-SENSE A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the races.

HOSE Man's excuse for wetting the walk.

HOSIERY Woman's excuse for walking in the wet.

HOTEL A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor quarters.

HOUSECLEANING A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the government to enlist all the soldiers it needs.

HUG A roundabout way of expressing affection.

HUMOR An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as Rash.

HUNGER Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart.

HUSBAND The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman.

HYDRANT From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up. Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).

HYPOCRITE A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.

Home is where the mortgage is.

Aim at a chorus-girl and you may hit a star.—Stage-Door Secrets.

ICE A substance frequently associated with a tumble in winter, a tumbler in summer, and a skate the year around.

ICEMAN A cool proposition who has Axe-cess to the best families, makes his Weigh in every home and can take his Pick in the kitchen, if he leaves his Chips in the street. "How'd You Like to be The Iceman?"

IDIOT From Eng. idea, and out. One who is just out of ideas.

IDLE Useless.

IDOLIZE To make useless.

IMPECUNIOUS To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. in, and Lat. pecco, to sin, poverty being the greatest of all sins.

IMPERIOUS From Eng. imp, devil and aerial, airy.

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