The Foolish Dictionary<br />An exhausting work of reference to un-certain English words, their origi by Gideon Wurdz (have you read this book TXT) 📖
- Author: Gideon Wurdz
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INCANDESCENT LIGHT
From Lat. incendo, to burn, and Eng. cent, meaning money. An invention for burning money.
INCOME The reliable offspring of a wise investment. From Lat. in and coma, meaning sleep. Money which works while you sleep.
INDEPENDENCE Self government. Good enough for a Cuban, but too good for a Filipino.
INDIGESTION A distressing stomach trouble that is sometimes temporarily relieved by kicking the cat or whipping the children.
INDIVIDUALITY A harmless trait possessed by one's self. The same trait in others is downright idiocy.
INDORSE To write on the back of; the best indorsed man in town being the Sandwich-Man.
INFANT A disturber of the peace.
INFANTRY A defender of the peace.
INHABITANT A native of any village, town or city. OLDEST INHABITANT The Champion Liar.
INTUITION A fictitious quality in females—really Suspicion.
IRRITANT Something which irritates. COUNTER IRRITANT A woman shopping.
ISLAND A place where the bottom of the sea sticks up through the water.
ISOLATION From Eng. ice, meaning cold, and Lat. solus, alone. Alone in the cold.
After dinner sit a while, after supper walk a mile-
And every meal's a supper to the Hobo.
Lies have no legs—That's why we all have to stand for them.
JACK An instrument requiring a strong arm, and used for raising heavy weights, or for pulling off the boots.
JACK-POT An instrument requiring a strong hand, and used for raising heavy bets, or for pulling off the stakes.
JAG From the Spanish word zaga, meaning a load packed on the outside of a van. In America the load is packed on the inside of a man.
JAM
A pantry composition in A minor.
JANITOR From jangle, to quarrel, and torrid, meaning hot. Hot and quarrelsome.
JELLY-CAKE Synonym for Belly-Ache.
JERSEY Well knit.
NEW JERSEY Well bit. (See Mosquito).
JEW'S HARP
From Jew, a Hebrew, and Harp, a musical instrument, the Jew's musical instrument being a "Sell low!" (Old spelling, Cello).
JIMMY An implement employed by men of acquisitive natures who cannot afford seats in the Stock Exchange.
JOB An uncertain commodity regulated by a Union Card.
JOCKEY From jog, to move slowly, and key, something that makes fast. Hence, one who makes the pace fast or slow, according to instructions.
JOINT Either a low limb from the butcher, or a low quarter in town; in either case the lower the tougher.
JOKE A form of humor enjoyed by some and misunderstood by most; in England, requiring a diagram, raised letters and a club.
JOLLY v. t., To "con" or "josh."
JOLLY BOAT The Ship of State.
JUDGE One who sits on a bench in a court, frames sentences and finishes crooks for a living, and swears continually.
JULEP An insidious friend from the South, who hands you a mint and gives you a sweet spirit, followed shortly by a Bun.
JURY Twelve men chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
JUSTICE Fair play; often sought, but seldom discovered, in company with Law.
A chip of the old block—A daughter of the Tenderloin.
One man's meat is another man's finish—Canned Beef in Cuba.
KANGAROO A hard drinker from Australia, especially fond of hops, and generally carrying a load.
KATYDID A gossiping grasshopper who is always meddling in Katy's affairs.
KEEPSAKE Something given us by someone we've forgotten.
KERNELS or COLONELS Articles often found in cores (or corps) and frequently surrounded by shells.
KEROSENE
An alleged provider of heat and light. From Lat. carus, meaning expensive and seneo, to be weak; expensive but weak. For further explanation, consult Standard Oil Company.
KEYHOLE
A frequent test for sobriety.
KID Either a boxing-glove or a first-born. In either case, hard to handle until well tanned.
KILTS A Scotchman's apology for indecent exposure.
KINDRED From Eng. kin, meaning relation, and dread, meaning fear; fearful relations.
KINDERGARTEN From Ger. kinder, children, and Lat. garritus, a babbling. A place for babbling children.
KINDLING-WOOD From Ger. kind, youth, and Eng. linger, to loaf. A place where youth generally loafs.
KISS Nothing divided by two; meaning persecution for the infant, ecstasy for the youth, fidelity for the middle-aged and homage for the old.
KISS An indescribable something that is of no value to any one, but is much prized by the right two.
KNOCKER A device on doors for rousing people; also, a device on foot for the same purpose.
Laugh-in-one's-sleeve—The direct route to the Funny-Bone.
Two heads are better than one—particularly on a Barrel of Money.
LACE Among women, lace means lesson; wherefore they combine art and thrift by lessening the waist.
LACONIC Shy on words. From Eng. lack, meaning want, and connection; want of connection.
LAMP A light.
LAMPONED To be lighted on.
LARD Fat.
LARDER A fattener.
LARK A short, sweet spree enjoyed by night hawks. Also, an early rising singing-bird. (Dist. bet. "out on a lark," and "up with the lark," an impossible combination).
LASSIE One of the weaker sex.
LASSITUDE Slightly weaker.
LAUD Praise for the Almighty.
LAUDANUM Prays for himself—after taking.
LAUNDRY A place where clothes are mangled.
LAUGH A peculiar contortion of the human countenance, voluntary or involuntary, superinduced by a concatenation of external circumstances, seen or heard, of a ridiculous, ludicrous, jocose, mirthful, funny, facetious or fanciful nature and accompanied by a cackle, chuckle, chortle, cachinnation, giggle gurgle, guffaw or roar.
LAWYER One who defends your estate against an enemy, in order to appropriate it to himself.
LECTURE An entertainment at which it costs but little to look intelligent.
LEGISLATURE
From Lat. lego, to bring together, and latro, to bark or bluster; possibly from lex, law, and latens, unknown. Hence, a company of men brought together to bluster, or a company of law makers who know nothing about law.
LEISURE From Eng., lazy, and sure; assured laziness.
LENT A Church fast that is slow to go; or something loaned which is slow to come back.
LIE A very poor substitute for the truth but the only one discovered up to date.
LIMBURGER A native of Germany strong enough to do housework; well recommended for cleaning out the dining-room.
LIBRARY From Fr. libre, meaning free, and proper name ANDY. Something free from Andy Carnegie.
LINKS Found in sausages and golf courses, and both full of hazards.
LION A cruel beast who never patronizes the barber and is always bearded in his den, yet will furnish a close shave if you get near enough.
LOBSTER
The edible lobster is found off the New England Coast. The two-legged species is found everywhere. All kinds are green, but when roasted turn a bright red. Soubrettes are very dependent on both varieties for a living; together they furnish her with food, raiment, flats, diamonds, and occasionally indigestion.
LOBSTER-NEWBURG A dish ordered at hotels by those who usually get beans at home.
LOVE A man's insane desire to become a woman's meal-ticket.
LOVER An ardent admirer who says, "Yes, dearest, I will shovel the snow of the lake so that we can go skating!" and, after marriage remarks, "What! Shovel the snow off the walk for you? Well, I should say not! I'm no chore boy."
Hell is paved with good intentions—also asbestos.
A fool and his wife are soon parted.
See Alimony.
MAGAZINE A receptacle for explosives, literary or mechanical.
MAGNATE One who can float capital in a considerable body of water. From Lat. magnus, great, and nator, to swim; a great swimmer.
MAIDEN LADY A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to avoid hurting her feelings.
MALT A humble grain which often gets into a ferment, cools off and becomes Stout in its old age.
MAN Something that "Goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be!"
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter.
MANICURE The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails.
MANNERS A difficult symphony in the key of B natural.
MARK In Germany, twenty-three cents. In the United States, only Twain.
MASCULINE From Grk. maskos, girl, and eukolos, easy. Easy for the girls.
MASSAGE A touch, with intent to rub it in.
MATRIMONY A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out by one. Both halves are eminently successful.
MEAL According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs entirely surrounded by booze.
MEDIUM A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your wallet. "Hello, Central! Give me Heaven!"
MELODEON An alleged musical instrument, popular at home, but unpopular next door. From Eng. melody, and Latin, un, without. Warranted without melody.
MENAGERIE From Fr. melange, mixture, and Ger. riechen, to smell. A mixture of smells.
MESSENGER BOY From Eng. miss, to fail, and Lat. engeo, to arrive. One who fails to arrive.
METER The gas man's trysting place. "Meet her in the cellar!"
MIND No matter. MATTER Never mind.
MINE A hole in the ground owned by a liar.
MINSTREL A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every city.
MIRACLE A woman who won't talk.
MIST Generally, a small, light rain. SCOTCH MIST A cloudburst.
MITTEN Something a tender-hearted girl gives a young man when she knows she is going to make it chilly for him.
MONEY Society's vindication of vulgarity.
MONOPOLY A modern device for impoverishing others. From Grk. monux, swift-footed, and polloi, the people. A swift kick for the people.
MOON The only lighting monopoly that never made money.
MORTGAGE From Fr. mort, death, and Eng. gag, to choke. A lawyer's invention for choking property to death.
MOSQUITO A small insect designed by God to make us think better of flies.
MOTH An unfortunate acquaintance who is always in the hole. And the only ones who try
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