The OOBS by CC Raz (electronic reader TXT) 📖

6/16

So I obviously didn't finish saying what I wanted to say last night. I didn't even get close to finishing the movie. It was only 20 minutes in by the time Mom told me to go to bed. I was tired. But, I guess it makes sense. That's what getting almost no sleep does to you.

I was talking to my mom last night. And... I don't know. It started out because Jacob was texting me. And he said... I'll just show you the conversation.

Jacob: Was it ridiculous Gwen says shell love me no matter what but some things no matter shell never be happy
     Me: Just because she loves you doesn't mean she'll always be happy. No one ever promised that loving someone would always make you happy.
     Jacob: True but I don't want her to be with me if she's not happy that's defeats the purpose of... a lot... I want he to cherish moments with laugh and smile forever not be totally opposite our whole lives... idk how else to explain it
     Me: No I know what you mean. But like... take religion. That's her life and who she is. And relationships where one is really religious and the other isn't... They're good for some things. The fun stuff. But then when it comes down to the nitty gritty, those aren't the quality relationships.
     Jacob: So its not a quality relationship if were both not spiritually strong? Well I don't like to judge people's love or belief in truth but were all different and I'm very different but I too think my way is truth no matter what just like you and Gwen I just know Gwen is amazing in so many ways and I'd stop being immature to make her happy I'd do so many things and she knows that she can trust me but if she wanted to be a jw I could live with that but I won't be and even jws talk bout the husband not being one but the wife just keeps slowly pushing it on him I could survive that but would it even work do I wana keep doing wht I'm doing or will it be two times harder when were adults
     Me: I'm not saying your relationship specifically is low quality. At least at this point. But gwen's goal has always been to pioneer and live at bethel, maybe meet a jw boy, fall in love, and have little jw kids. Then she fell in love with you instead. So she has to make a decision. Is she going to go with what she's always wanted? Or is she going to go with what her heart is telling her now? As long as you are together, it'll always be difficult. She'll be wishing that you could experience the same spiritual relief and strength and rewards that she recieves. And you'll be wishing that she was able to experience the same... Freedom? I guess. I don't know the word for it. It'll always always always be difficult, and as you continue on down the road, it'll get harder. And you'll both have to decide whether or not it's worth it to you to keep going
     Jacob: Yeah ur 100% right but its literally a job and devotion a lifes mission that has a chance of being wrong that we'll live in paradise of course I want that for everyone but I know in my heart its not true but it sure keeps people in it no matter what and change is nearly impossible I want everything for her ahe wants everything for me I always tell her I wish we could move to an island with eachother forget everything else seriously...I want her she's the reason I'm in love not what she follows and not what she believes I never told her I liked her cuz I was the exact opposite she told me I need two things in my life jehovah and true love....I loved her for telling me the way she loved me was plenty but I played myself I started going to meetings Even Studied I was two steps away from being her jw husband and that's when her mom loved me too WHY can't I be a good person and have that if you read the letter that was to me you'd understand more but bailey told u I couldve been fighting for nothing and we could all lose her cuz of something that is crazy and not right that you do understand....I need her I know this has all happened for a reason I don't want it to be a life lesson I want it to be true love a dream come true I know its corny but she feels it too... <3

First of all, this boy needs to go back to first grade and learn about puncuation. Seriously. It is so hard for me to figure out what he's saying. But anyway....
    I didn't know what to say to that. First of all, he's under the impression that I'm against all organized religion and that I think that everything that JW do/believe is wrong. And that's not true. You know that much. But I don't know. The message was too long and I just didn't know how to respond. So I asked my mom, and we talked about the whole situation for a long time, and I came to a couple conclusions. Well, I've known this stuff for a long time. I just never said anything because I know you're going through a REALLY hard time and don't need me unloading all this on you. But it is KILLING me, not telling me the truth. Mom told me that I need to just tell you the truth. Because saying stuff like this, there's never an ideal time. And she said, "I can tell that this is really bugging you, because you aren't telling her the truth. What is your friendship based on? Love, respect, honesty, caring, and God. Do any of those justify not telling her the truth?" And she was right. There is never a good time for this. But I'll start with the easy stuff.

First... the last month or so of school... You were REALLY irritating. You were just so apathetic about EVERYTHING. And I knew that you were stressed and everything, but it just wasn't you. If you were apathetic all the time, it wouldn't have bugged me. But you just... gave up, it seemed. You knew that staying with Jacob was just going to hurt you. But you did it anyway. You just didn't care. You stopped caring about your grades. You just stopped caring, and you weren't yourself. And that just bugged me. You gave up. And it worries me. You've never given up before. But the last month of school, you did. And by the sound of your letter, you had given up completely. On everything. On us. That hurts. And it's not you.
     And I know that a lot of it is just the circumstances. But when you've given up, how am I supposed to keep fighting? How am I supposed to stay strong? Because I'm doing it for you. Not for Jacob. Not for Bailey. For you. And if you give up, where does that leave me?

It bugs me the way that you and Jacob talk about marriage. Not that you do talk about it. But the manner in which you discuss matrimony. <Yeah. I'm still tired. VERY. Sorry about the spaziness. Anyway, you don't just talk about "What are we going to name our kids?" or "What do you think our kids would look like?" or build this fantasy house in your minds, like other 16 year-old couples. You guys talk about marriage like it's a serious thing. Not.. that sounded wrong. Marriage IS a serious thing. But you guys talk about it like you're serious about getting married. And that BUGS me.
    Right now, when you're 16, it's fine. But you guys talk like you're 22. And you're not. And just because you normally act like you're 22 doesn't mean that you will in relationships. This is your first love. The chances of you two ending up together are so small, Gwen. Especially when you bring in the religion factor. When you're around Jacob, you're a 16 year-old girl. You don't think or act like you normally do.
   I don't want you to marry him, Gwen. He talks about how he (he actually says we. As in him and I together. Like I'm going to help him with this. I don't know where he gets these ideas) has to get you away from Jehovah's Witnesses, and how it's urgent that we get you to stop believing the lies. He wants to tear you away from the one thing that you can ALWAYS count on. HOW THE FARM IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO BE WITH? It's not just that he doesn't want to be JW. He doesn't want you to be JW. 
    Most people that know you say that the thing that they love the most about you is your faith in God, and your confidence in what you believe in. He wants to tear that from you. And you want to marry him?

I know you love him. I'm not criticizing that. Sometimes people fall in love with someone, and it might not be ideal and it might not be the person they always dreamed of falling in love with, but they love him anyway. That's how it is with Jacob. But you aren't just compromising on stuff like he doesn't have the prefect body. You're compromising on the type of stuff that will tear you apart if you marry him.

He says he loves you, not your faith and what you believe in. But that IS who you ARE. That is what makes you you. How can he claim to love you, when he wants to take the biggest part of you away?

You want to pioneer. You want to go to Bethel. Maybe meet a JW boy and have JW kids. This is what you have wanted your entire life, with all your heart. Having Jacob in the picture? It destroys it all. You could still pioneer, I guess. But you'd go out in service, and you'd have an awesome experience every day, and just feel so refreshed and full of good, and you'd know you were serving God. But then you'd come home every day to a man who hates your religion and everything about it, everything it stands for. You'd never be able to go to Bethel. You'd be giving that up. And you wouldn't be able to raise your kids in the JW community and faith. They wouldn't be raised in "The Truth."
    If you had kids with Jacob, you would end up JUST like your mom. Why? Because Jacob is JUST like your dad. They both hate your religion. And if you had kids, you would be telling them all about JW and taking them to meeting and reading the bible with them, and all the stuff your mom does to raise you guys in your faith. But Jacob would be working them the other way. Talking about how it's a cult, and they brainwash you, and all this other crap. Not only would it be EXTREMELY confusing for the kids,but it