The OOBS by CC Raz (electronic reader TXT) 📖

of... removed way. Because I'm pretty sure this dead man that sings the song is singing to a girl and so it's like "You're everything that I've ever dreamed of" and I don't want it to all get creepy and weird and you're sitting there thinking, "Did Cassie pull a Julia Baskin on me?" so I'll just stop there. But it's "Wait For Me" by Theory of a Dead Man. Listen to it. Learn it. Love it.

I've been listening to music a LOT the last couple days. Can you tell? Since like my last 4 messages have a whole lot of lyrics, or talk about how much I love music? Plus, in addition to the lyrics I've been adding in here, I've been writing down a lot of songs and lyrics in the notebook. I've been busy.

Be right back. I have to pee. And I'm back now. :)
Gwen, there's so much stuff taped in the notebook... it's huge. It's really thick. And I haven't even added all my emails to you (stupid library closed. >:() yet. That will come soon, though. Hopefully tomorrow. Because it said that the library is open on Mondays now. It's still really weird to me. But printing all this stuff off... it's going to cost me more than $4.00. It's worth it. But at 10 cents per piece of paper... it'll cost me. Better than wasting all the ink and paper at home, though. I can't even print off a couple pages here, because the printer is COMLPETELY out of ink. And... I dunno. Where do you go to get ink in Wickenburg? You don't. I don't think so, at least. So I'll just go to the library. It's cheaper than driving all around town and buying a bunch of ink.

There's something important that I need to talk to you about... I'm trying to decide if I should put it in the notebook or on here. I think... I dunno. I'll decide in a little while.

Did you know that Jake didn't know that Jacob was Jacob Olsen? I was showing him a message from Jake-up and Jake saw the name and he goes, "She's dating JACOB OLSEN?" He sounded really, really surprised. I mean... it's pretty much the same initial reaction that everyone gives you. But then do you know what he said? "I don't like him. She shouldn't be dating him." But it's not just what he said.
    You see, when Jake decides to be the protective older brother, his voice gets all deep and hard, and his chest kinda swells a little bit. I don't think he does it on purpose. It just happens. But that's what happened when he said that. He claims that he doesn't like you. But if you ever need a big brother to come and beat someone up, you can borrow Jake. But... you'll have to spell it out everything that happened, because we both know that he's kinda oblivious when it comes to seeing what's going on, even when it's right under his nose, at least a couple times a week, at his house, with 2 people who are very close to him. Groovey Moses that kid can be frustrating.

Why do I spell groovy like that? Groovey? No. It's not groovey. It's groovy. But I just... spell it wrong. I dunno. But I also don't capitalize Moses, which is a name and so it should be capitalized. :)

I was thinking about The Notebook Girls, and... How did they make one notebook last 3 years? I mean, it was one of the big ones, so we can count it as 2. But you and I alone have gone through 10 in one year. Plus like 7 with Bailey. And 2 1/2 with Delainey. And one with Mahala, one with Rachel. In ONE year. HOW did they make 2 notebooks for all 4 of them last 3 years? It's stressful how ridiculous that is. And they didn't have any classes together. And we had EVERY class together, and we still wote 29857983x more than them. ?!?!

My mom's in Sedona with Ken this weekend. I haven't seen the kids since Thusday morning. :( I miss them terribly.

I'm gonna go. I have to find something to eat for lunch. Because I haven't eaten anything since... I dunno. 5 last night?

See ya soon. :) Love you.

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Library

6/24

I'm at the library now, getting ready to print off all these pages. There are a lot of them, and it's TINY font (but you'll see that when you get it. So... have a magnifying glass handy when you read all this because... you might need it. It's A TON.). So... I'm not going to make this much longer. I'll just go ahead and print this off now, and then I'll write more later (and Thursday, the last day that the library is open, I'll print off all the rest of the new stuff and put it in the notebook for you. And hopefully, that won't be such tiny font because I won't have 30,000 new words to print off. Closer to 3000.

I'll see you soon, Gwen. :) I love you.
Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Accident Prevention

6/24

I have to hurry up and pack my stuff and get to Ken's house. Because if I don't, I will drive to your boyfriend's house and run him over with my truck.

He hasn't written to you since he first created his account. That was two weeks ago. You asked him to do this ONE thing. And he couldn't do it. Bailey was gone for several days, unable to get to a computer. But she still wrote to you while she was gone. Jacob has his tablet and his smart phone. Or the farming library! And he hasn't written to you in two weeks.

I was okay with him, Gwen. I even kinda liked him for a little while. Never as a permanent thing, but I figured it can't hurt to be with him for the next couple years. Now? I don't like him. Not. One. Single. Bit. AT ALL. The one thing he had to do for you was to write to you regularly. That was it. That. Was. It. I even told him, and Bailey told him, how he could do it on bookrix. And you know what he told BOTH of us? "Okay, I'll get right on it."

This is my job. It's my job to keep him strong, to keep him from giving up, and to make sure that he doesn't go back to smoking and being a bad person. When he doesn't write to you, it's on me. Not on him. You'll forgive him. I know you will.

You. Can't. He couldn't do this one thing. This. One. Simple. Thing.  What does that say about the kind of future you'll have with him?

I. Am. Pissed. PISSED. I'm pissed that he's doing this to you, and that he thinks it's okay. I'm pissed that I have to babysit him, and I have to yell at him for hours before he says he'll send you stuff regularly again. I'm pissed that he's so shitty, and you won't even know that he hasn't messaged you in any way in two weeks. And then you'll get back, and it'll hit you. Hard. And even then, you might still forgive him. Because you love him. Not because he deserves it. He deserves to never get to talk to you ever again. And you might forgive him, because you think you need him, and you think you can't survive without him. THAT is what pisses me off.

I love you, Gwen. I do NOT want to see you get hurt. Ever. But he... What are you going to think when you get back, and there's 2 week missing? You were only gone for a little over 3 weeks! He stopped as soon as it got hard. As soon as it was more than just sending an email, he stopped. And he's going to hurt you.

So, I am leaving. That is my accident prevention, so that I don't hurt him for hurting you. Now, tomorrow, we're getting together at the park to discuss all this. How I am going to manage not mauling him then, I don't know. But I'll figure something out. And I'll do my best to stay calm and not scream at him either, because that won't do any good.

I love you, Gwen. Don't let someone, especially a guy, ESPECIALLY a guy who you've already compromised so much for, hurt you like this. It kills me not being able to talk to you. But it kills me even more that this boy is going to cause you so much pain.

I have to go. I love you. I'll see you soon. And I'll write a lot more in the notebook once I get to Ken's. But I just... lksd;fgjklrt I can't right now. I have to leave.

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Tripy

6/25

So, we're all sitting at the park, around 4:35. We being Bailey, Jacob, Delainey, and I. We're talking, and I start talking abou how I had a dream last night where we were here and you showed up to the park. And then... you know what happened? You farming pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car.
    There were several seconds of confusion. Is that Gwen's car? Yes it is. Is she in there? Yes she is. She just got out. Do we talk to her? Do we stay here? What do we do?
    I tried getting Lawson to go over to you and say, "Hi, Gwen!" and then I'd run after him so that he didn't run into the parking lot