The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

hand. After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes, the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride’s left hand. When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband’s right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom’s carriage.

DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids provide their own outfit, unless the bride asks them to dress in a style of her own selecting. In this case, she supplies them gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may wish.

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon given to the bridesmaids by the bride is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a woman to entertain her female friends the last time in her father’s house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and bridesmaids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring as an engagement ring if she wishes. She should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also present them with flowers. If she presents boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers, they should appear at her house before the ceremony and have her place them in the lapel of their coats.

She should acknowledge immediately the receipt of all wedding gifts.

GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the church.

INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride usually provides the bridesmaids with extra invitations for their personal use.

KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.

It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

SEEING GROOM ON WEDDINGDAY. It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the weddingday till she meets him at the altar.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom occupy the centre one of the small tables.

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together—the bride and groom leading the way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her husband’s side to receive the best wishes of all present. The guests are not announced, but are introduced by the ushers to the bride if not known to her.

The bride should not leave her place to mingle with the guests until all have been introduced to her.

BRIDE’S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.

BRIDE’S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDE’S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.

BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the bride, and number six, eight, or twelve—

mostly eight. She usually gives them a dinner a few days before the wedding, at which she shows them the trousseau and discusses the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place. The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a substitute may be secured.

CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride within a week or ten days after the ceremony, and upon the bride, in her own home, after her return from her wedding trip.

CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the weddingday, and takes her to the bride’s house. Her carriage follows the bride’s to the church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to the wedding breakfast or reception.

CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride, and there take their carriages to the church.

While their carriages follow that of the bride, they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.

They may carry bouquets supplied by the bride’s family or the groom.

In the procession tip the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide—one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for the bridal party to pass.

In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honor to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride’s home to assist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception dancing is sometimes indulged in.

DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids usually give a dinner to the married couple on the latter’s return from their wedding trip.

DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the bride in the matter of dress. Should she desire any particular style of dress, entailing considerable expense, on account of novelty or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit, which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.

GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding gift to the bride.

They usually receive a pretty souvenir from the bride and a bouquet from the groom.

INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several invitations are usually given to the bridesmaids for their own personal use.

REHEARSALS. They should be present at all rehearsals.

WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the ushers, and are usually seated at a table by themselves.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.

BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister’s debut takes the form of a supper or dinner, should take his sister (the debutante) into dinner or supper.

BUTLER—TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a house-party where he has been a guest to tip the butler who acted as a valet.

CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.

CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should only be made on the specified days.

ASKING MEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. A debutante should leave this matter to her mother or chaperone.

A young woman, until she has had some experience in society, should be very careful in inviting men to call.

She should not invite a man to call whom she has met for the first time. No man should be invited to call until she is assured of his social standing and character.

In some parts of the country men first ask permission to call, and in other parts women first ask men to call.

ASKING WOMEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. It is

generally the custom for the married or elder woman to ask the unmarried or younger woman to call.

BACHELORS’ DINNERS. See BACHELORS’ DINNERS

—CALLS.

BREAKFAST. See BREAKFASTS—CALLS.

BEST MAN. See BEST MAN—CALLS

BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS—CALLS.

CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES—MEN CALLING.

BUSINESS. A business man may call in street dress upon a woman before six o’clock.

Social visits may be made in the same manner.

DAYS AT HOME. Calls should only be made on the regular “At Home” days, and the hostess should always be present on that day.

Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.

DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE—CALLS.

DRESS. When making an afternoon call, a man would wear afternoon dress, and evening dress in making an evening call.

HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA—CALLS.

HOURS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality.

Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours from two till five in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

LENGTH. A formal call may last from fifteen to thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEON—CALLS.

MEN. AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS. After an entertainment a man should call in person on

host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed, it should be accompanied with an apology.

To call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.

When calling on the hostess but not on the host, a man should leave a card for him.

If the hostess be out, he should leave two cards.

Married men can return their social obligations to women by personal calls, or the women of the family can leave the men’s cards with their own.

A call should be made the day following a luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a dinner, or at least within a week. A call should be made within a week after a ball.

After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted, or leave his card, and should call within a week on the remainder of his guests.

MEN CALLING ON MEN. At the beginning of the season it is usual to leave a card for each member of a family called on—one card for husband, wife, “misses,” and guest, or rest of the family. Sometimes two cards answer the purpose.

They may be sent by mail or messenger.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. A man should call only on “At Home” days, especially when making the first call, unless specially invited.

He should call at the hour appointed.

When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours —from two till five o’clock.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the

fashionable hours.

A business man may call in street dress before six o’clock, and the same dress in the evening, if intimately acquainted.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

Evening or other than mere formal calls should not be made, save by special invitation.

The first call should last not longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It