The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

supper, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women.

When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.

WOMEN. A woman should always keep any engagement made, if possible. If, for a good

reason, it is desired to break one, she should do so in ample time to enable the man to secure a partner.

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.

A woman may refuse to dance at a public entertainment.

A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man’s invitation, unless he first asks

permission of her chaperone.

It is not good taste to keep late hours at an informal dance.

In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.

When tired, the woman should indicate a desire to stop dancing.

When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner’s arm and strolls about a few minutes.

He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.

When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.

If a woman is without escort when supper is announced, she must rely upon attendants or members of the host’s family.

At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided for the supper, the woman should not sit alone at a table with her partner, but she should have others present also.

DEBUTANTE. At a debutante’s reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once with her, and the others follow.

DANCES (FORMAL).

HOST. When supper is announced, the host leads the way with his partner, followed by hostess and escort, the rest following.

HOSTESS. She should limit the number of guests to the capacity of the house.

Invitations should include more men than women, for some men may not attend, and of those who do come, some may not dance.

An awning and carpet should be spread from curb to steps. The man stationed at the curb should open carriage doors for arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage-checks, and tell the drivers at what hour to return.

The servant opening the door directs the guests to their respective dressing-rooms.

A small orchestra should be provided and concealed behind palms or flowers.

In the absence of polished floors, carpets should be covered with linen crash, tightly and securely laid, in order to stand the strain of dancing.

Friends may assist in taking care of the guests, making introductions, etc.

SUPPER. Supper may be served at one large table or many small ones, as desired.

DANCES (INFORMAL). Dances of this character lack all possible formality. The invitations may be written or verbal.

Piano music is all that is required, played by one of the family or a professional.

Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided.

See also Chaperone. Dances.

DANCING.

INTRODUCTIONS. The man must be introduced to the woman, and should ask her for the pleasure of a dance.

MEN. A man should greet the host as soon as possible after seeing the hostess.

At any function where patronesses are present, a man should bow to the one inviting him, and give her a few words of greeting.

At balls all men should dance, and those who do not, have no place there, though invited.

If a man comes alone and has no partner, he should seek hostess or assistants, and request an introduction to women who dance.

After a dance a man should take a short stroll about the room with his partner before returning to her chaperone. Before retiring he may converse with her in general terms, from which he should have refrained previously.

A man escorting one or more women should see that they are cared for when supper is announced.

A man in conversation with a woman when supper is announced, if she is not engaged, may offer to take her into supper. Her chaperone should be invited at the same time.

Introductions should be made as much as possible before the dancing begins.

If introduced to a young woman, and she is free of engagement for the next dance, the man should invite her to dance.

Before asking a chaperoned woman to dance, the man should ask permission of her chaperone.

A man should pay especial attention to the women of the house, and invite them to dance as early as possible.

A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.

Men should keep engagements a few minutes before each dance.

If for some good reason it is desired to break an engagement, it should be done so as to leave ample time for the other to secure a partner for that dance.

In round dances, the man supports the woman with right arm about her waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. His left hand holds her right one, both extended.

The woman should indicate when she desires to stop dancing.

All persons should be at a formal dance not later than half an hour after the hour set.

A man should secure his carriage-check.

It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.

GLOVES. Gloves should be worn at formal dances, and should be put on before entering the room.

SHAKING HANDS. It is not customary to shake hands at formal dances.

SMOKING. Smoking should not be allowed in the dressing-room, but a special room should be provided. Men who dance should not smoke until leaving the house.

WOMEN. The time for the formal dance is indicated on the invitation, and all should be there not later than half an hour after the time set.

At private dances the maid takes and calls for the young woman in the absence of a male escort.

Young women should be chaperoned at all formal dances by their mother or others.

Introductions should be made as much as possible before the dancing begins.

DAUGHTERS.

CARDS. The card of the eldest daughter in society is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her death or marriage the card of the next daughter becomes the same. Where there are unmarried aunts and cousins having the father’s name, only the eldest daughter of the eldest man can use the form Miss Wilson.

If two or more sisters enter society at about the same time, their names may appear on their mother’s card as The Misses Wilson.

The name of the younger daughter should appear in full on her mother’s card—as, Miss Mary Jane Wilson.

Until the younger daughter has formally, made her debut, she visits only intimate friends of the family. After her debut she has no card, and her full baptismal name appears on her mother’s card, beneath her name, and not until a year or two after her first appearance does she have a card of her own.

When a mother leaves her daughter’s card, it is for the hostess only.

If reception days appear on the mother’s card, the daughters also receive on that day, as they have no reception date of their own.

After an entertainment the cards of the family may be left for the host and hostess by the eldest daughter.

The eldest daughter has her own circle of acquaintances, and can visit and receive independently of her mother.

DUTIES AT BALLS. See BALLS—DUTIES OF

DAUGHTERS.

DAUGHTER OF BARON—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain, Madam, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson, and ends: Believe me, I remain sincerely yours.

The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter reads: To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF DUKE—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

DAUGHTERS OF EARL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lady Jane F.

Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF MARQUIS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lady Jane F.

Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF VISCOUNT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain, madam, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson, and ends: Believe me, Miss Wilson, sincerely yours.

The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter would read: To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.

DAYS AT HOME. Only very intimate persons should call on any other days than those named on an At Home card.

DAY OF WEDDING. The weddingday is named by the bride, and her mother’s approval is asked by the groom.

DEATH IN THE FAMILY. Cards, writing-paper, and envelopes should be bordered in black. The announcement of the death may be printed or engraved, preferably the latter. Full name of deceased, together with date of birth and death, and residence, should be given.

The frequenting of places of amusements, entertainments, or social functions should not be indulged in for at least a year if in mourning for near relatives.

CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of an acquaintance, a card with the word Condolence written on it should be left in person or by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card or letter, unless request has been made not to do so.

DEBUTANTE. A debutante should make her debut between the ages of seventeen and twenty, and should not appear at any public function before her debut. She should be thoroughly versed in the laws of good society. She should be extremely cautious at all times in her dealings with men. She should follow, without reserve, the advice of mother or chaperone. She should avoid forwardness, and be quiet in manner and in speech. Men acquaintances should be carefully chosen, and great care exercised in accepting invitations from them.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion.

A debutante should not make any

formal visits alone the first year, and should not receive men visitors unless her chaperone is present. Should