The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

is correct to ask for all the women of the family.

At the first call he should give his card at the door. At following calls it is optional whether to give a card or merely the name, asking at the same time for the person one desires to see. When the servant’s intelligence seems doubtful, or the name is an unusual one, it is safer to give a card.

When a woman invites a man to call without specifying when, it is not considered as an invitation at all, but merely as a formal courtesy.

It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or otherwise an invitation to call from a woman.

It is her privilege to make the first move in such matters; otherwise she would be placed in an embarrassing position.

When an invitation specifies the hour, every effort should be made to be punctual.

It is impolite to be too early or too late.

At a formal call, when others are present, a man should not be seated unless invited to do so. He should leave as others come in, and not remain longer than ten or fifteen minutes.

A man having a card or letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If she is out, he should mail it to her, and she should at once notify him whether he may call.

If a caller is a stranger to the young woman’s hostess, he should send his card to the latter and ask to see her.

The chaperone may, if desirable, give a man permission to call upon the woman under her charge.

A man should not call upon an unmarried woman until invited by her to do so. He may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

GLOVES. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.

ENTERTAINMENTS. At entertainments a man should give his card to the servant at the door or leave it in the hall.

A few appropriate words of greeting should be addressed to the hostess and host as soon after entering as possible.

Personal introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, “At Homes,” etc.

One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.

When light repasts are served, as teas, ices, etc, a man should put his napkin on his knee and hold the plate in his hand.

He should depart with as little ceremony as possible—a bow and a smile, if host and hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He should not shake hands and try to speak unless it can be done without becoming conspicuous.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN—HAT. A man making a formal or brief call should carry his hat in his hand into the parlor.

SHAKING HANDS. A man should not offer to shake hands first, as that is the privilege of the women.

MEN—DRESS. In making ceremonious calls, men wear afternoon dress, and after six o’clock evening dress.

See also AFTERNOON DRESS—MEN. EVENING

DRESS—MEN.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS—CALLS.

THEATRE. See THEATRE—CALLS.

USHERS. See USHERS—CALLS.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Very intimate friends can call personally. Friends of the groom who have no acquaintance with the bride’s family should send their cards to those inviting them.

Those who do not receive wedding invitations, announcement, or “At Home” cards should not call on the married couple, but consider themselves as dropped from their circle of acquaintance.

WOMEN RECEIVING AND INVITING MEN. The invitation to call should be extended by the woman, and if she does not specify the time, will naturally be considered as an act of courtesy, but not as an invitation.

These invitations should be given with great care by young women. It is better to have the invitation extended by her mother or chaperone.

A married woman may ask a man to call, especially if she have unmarried daughters.

An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to specify. A man may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

At the beginning of a season, a man who desires the further acquaintance of a woman should leave his card in person for all the members of the family.

A formal call, or the first call of the season, should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire for all the women of the family.

A man should call only on “At Home”

days, unless especially invited to come at other times. The hostess should be home on all “At Home” days, unless sickness or other good cause prevents.

In the absence of “At Home” days, or specified time, calls may be received at any proper hour, according to the locality of the place.

When men make a formal call at other than specified time, the hostess may justly excuse herself. The caller would have no ground for offense.

Intimate friends need not hold to formal hours for paying calls.

Men of leisure should call only at fashionable hours—from two to five in the afternoon.

Evening calls should not be made by other than business or professional men, unless the acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless they are specially invited.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

A business man may call in street dress before six o’clock in the evening, or thereafter if intimacy warrants.

Evening, or other than mere formal calls, should not be made, save by special invitation.

A man should leave his card when calling.

If his hostess is married, he should leave one also for the host. If she is out, he should leave two.

When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known to the man, he should send his card to her.

If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option to shake hands or not, and she should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.

During a formal call, when other guests are present, a man should remain standing and depart upon the entrance of others. If the hostess is seated at the time, she need not rise or shake hands, but merely bow.

The hostess should not accompany a caller to the door of the parlor, but bow from her chair.

Dropping in at a theatre or opera party does not relieve a man from making formal calls that may be due.

A woman’s escort to a theatre party should call upon her within a week. If she were his guest, he should do so within three days, or send his card, with an apology.

Business calls are privileged, and can be made when convenient, although preferably by appointment.

WOMEN RECEIVING—INTRODUCTIONS. At formal calls conversation should be general among the guests. Introductions are unnecessary.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON CALLS.

COUNTRY. See COUNTRY CALLS.

EVENING. See EVENING CALLS.

FIRST. See FIRST CALLS.

INVALID’S. See INVALID’S CALLS.

SUNDAY. See SUNDAY CALLS.

CANCELING DINNERS. When it becomes necessary for a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she should send as soon as possible, either by special delivery or messenger, a letter to each guest who has accepted the invitation. The letter, written either in the first or third person, should state the reason and express regrets.

CANCELING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS-INVITATIONS

RECALLED.

CANES. A cane is the correct thing for a man when walking, except when engaged in business.

It should be held a few inches below the knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas, be carried vertically.

CALLING. When making a formal or brief call the cane should be left in the hall.

CARDINAL-HOW ADDRESSED. A letter, official or social, begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: His Eminence Cardinal Wilson.

CARDS.

DEBUT. See DEBUT CARDS.

DEBUTANTS. See DEBUTANTE CARDS.

INFANT. See INFANT’S CARDS.

IN MEMORIAM. See IN MEMORIAM CARDS.

MOURNING. See MOURNING CARDS.

CARDS, VISITING.

ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING CARDS (VISITING).

AFTERNOON TEAS. See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING

IN PERSON—AFTERNOON TEAS. CARDS (VISITING), MAIL OR MESSENGER-AFTERNOON TEAS.

AT HOME. See AT HOME-CARDS.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING IN PERSON—BIRTH.

CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE—CARDS.

DAUGHTER. See DAUGHTERS—CARDS (VISITING).

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—CARDS.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling, she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves.

After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters.

See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD.

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON—AFTERNOON TEAS.

Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room.

Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door.

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME

cards as a woman does, nor to invite his friends by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR

on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN—LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning to town after a long absence, a man should leave cards having his address.

When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known by the man, he should send his card to her.

At the beginning of a season, a man should leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the “misses,” and one for the rest of the family and their guest.

Men of leisure should leave their own cards, while business men can have them left by the women of the family.

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

When calling, a man should leave a card whether the hostess is at home or not.

P. P. C. card’s may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

When a man calls upon a young woman whom a hostess is entertaining, he should leave cards for both.

When a man calls upon another man, if he is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him.

If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards—one for each.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man should leave a card the day after a breakfast, luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not.

They may also be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a subscription ball, a man should leave a card for the patroness inviting him.

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a man should leave cards for her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man’s formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It