CHASING LIGHT IN DARKNESS by Shkumbin Gashi (sad books to read .TXT) 📖

his new journey other ways she would lose her job.

 

What was like a knife in heart for him was that his father wasn’t there for him like fathers do. It was only an illusion. More of an Image that was coming toward him to hug him and give blessing that he was creating with his brain to comfort himself because he didn’t see his father since...since he didn’t remember.

 In the first sight it looked that Bruce was like a rock and has not pain on his heart because human beans are strong and sometimes overcome their limits but deep on his mind and heart he is empty and curse those little good memories that only make the pain bigger.

 

  This idea that people get used and adapted on everything it is not much to be believed.

Imagine a big cataclysm happening suddenly and destroy entire human race but for some reasons there were alive only two persons.

 Hypothetically let’s say a scientific horrifying phenomenon has happened on our planet and has destroyed everything.

 

 The phenomenon called NEUTRON STAR it’s a star like a brother of sun and during the period of destruction creates a big explosion like SUPERNOVA.

 

The parts created from star explosion fall in earth and can destroy our planet until 95% or more but for matter of argument let’s say that impact its little bit smaller and there were left alive only Bruno and Katarina.

 

It’s the year 3045... Bruno opens his eyes for few seconds everything was blurred on his eyes.. He was having a headache and looked that he was sleeping for 100 years. Where am I, what happened my head is going to explode. Where are the others?

                            Hellooooooooooo, Anyoneeeeeeeeeeee

 

 He didn’t see anything else except fire and destruction it looked that earth spirit was vanished and has no life on it... It was gone.

 

In fact this reminded him a documentary he saw on TV for the destruction of Pompey thousand years ago from a super volcano. God it looks like the horror of Pompey, this can’t be happening.

I have to pull myself together now, but this doesn’t look like earth it’s more like Mars. What is that..is this a illusion or I am seeing a woman near that rock.

 

 He approached to her slovenly and talked to her. Hello can you hear me?  Katarina wasn’t responding. So he sits next to her desperate and started thinking about a plan. If that didn’t kill him it means that he had a big mission in front so he couldn’t give up.

 He woke up and saw a aircraft..Actually it was a skeleton of it and decided that it was the best place to build a camp.

 

Two hours passed in that plane and all the sudden Katarina opened her eyes .Where I am, who you are.

Calm down lady I’m Bruno I found you near that rock.

Bruno was interested on psychology and knows about brain damages so he understood that she was suffering from a rare disorder that came during a stressful period, usually in war when there were huge explosions BLIND PARANOIA.

  In this disorder the brain refused to look because of fear of experiencing the same terrifying things again (same disorder had even Hitler while he was serving like a simple solider in First World War).

 After 50 minutes Bruno has given to Katarina an update of what happened and where they are now the atmosphere between them it was more relaxed but still it was tension, fear and confusion on air.

 Both of them have lost everything, their families and everyone that they know. There was no more return back what was left for them is hope for better days.

 

Apparently they were in front of a big test the biggest of their lives, they had to make the first step and continue human kind, and not let us vanish like dinosaurs did centuries ago.

 

 A new live begin for them, it was the year 3065 20 years have passed since the catastrophe and now they have given birth to four children, two sons and two daughters.

 

Judging from up, or seeing them for first time someone may think that nothing bad have happened to them or an apocalypse that have vanished  from earth their families.

 

The idea is to track their minds and go deeper and see that this adaption for Bruno and Katarina was something they had no choice but this didn’t mean that they forgot everything from their prior life.

 They still missed their past life, their beloved ones, but in order to not have a cognitive dissonance (psychological stress) they used repression as a defensive mechanism and were living like nothing apocalyptic happened to them.

 Absolute emotional adaption in new situations is not that easy as it looks in books and theory.

 Precisely this feeling explained on pseudo apocalypse was what Bruce was feeling in the moment he was getting on police academy.

 

The absence of father was killing him from inside, especially when he was seeing his new colleagues having his family near them on those moments.

 

 Even why there have passed years since the time when his father wasn’t with him and his mother Edit he still feels his absence. That word far from eyes far from heart is not worth it in this case.

 Apparently when we talk for emotions, things get really complicated, so an explanation like the one of Katarina and Bruno it’s exactly the table that someone needs to see inside Bruce’s heart and his adaption to loosing of relatives (his father it’s not the only family member that he lost in his life)

 So it’s not too much to get deep on an apocalyptic story just to give colors to his emotions. For him and for most of the humans beans I guess this feeling of not having people that you love near...it’s something like,, like the end of the world.

 Since we are traveling to time let’s get back further more in time..To make it clear this emotional shadow that he has on his head. On his childhood.

 Bruce was born in Westminster from Edit and James. He was the only child. The day of birth was one of the best and happiest moments of that family from London.

 

 In beginning everything was going very good. New child has brought positivity and new light on Loan s house.

Edit has quitted job to commit on small Bruce with all her being.

 Earlier she used to work at one rich family, actually the wage was very good but humiliation from that family toward their maids was very big. Edit has handled all those years because she didn’t have another choice.

 What allowed her to rest and leave that humiliating job was James business that was a taxi driver. He started to expand the business together with a friend of his, and bought 6 cars, so practically they were a small company already.

 This improved their life and has created a very good social status quite respectful on London also James was working on a woods factory with half time and things couldn’t go better.

 

Until Bruce was 4 years old they have moved up on a new house, one that James and Edit has dreamed   since they meet long time ago. In fact their story of love and life it was a story with very hard too.

 It was the time when James saw Edit entering on university period which they started a romance together.

The love started to get bigger between them but Edit parents have found one husband for Edit, one from a rich family some farmers from Liverpool.

 They were aware for the meetings between James and Edit and knew about his economical standard. He wasn’t the perfect person for their daughter. What happened further it was quite painful for Edit.

Edit escaped from family by sacrificing the honor of family, just to make reality her love. Since that day Edit has never talked with her parents, they died and never saw her anymore

Edit never forgave herself for what she has caused to her parents but she continued living with James and now they had their fruit of love Bruce.

 

Anyway let’s get back to Bruce now, who its 4 years now and living happy together with his parents.

 James started to take with him his son on factory very often; it was his pride and bragged in front of his colleagues with his wise and healthy son

 Bruce’s life would be much different if this heaven father-son would continue but things started going down just after 1 and half years.

Taxi business has started to give low profits because of a new company on town who had new and more luxury cars, so they brought in front of destruction James and his friend business.

 Here things started to turn black, the atmosphere in home has started to get heavier, and you couldn’t t see nowhere that happiness that had been present in this family for some times.

 

Buddha says:

 Family is a garden full of fruits when all the thoughts are in harmony, but (there is always a but) the harmony gets destroyed if one mind gets out of tracks, and the thunder hits the garden by destroying the fruits

 

This left big mark on Bruce and apparently that heaven was becoming an illusion, walking in factory together with father now were just a good memory because his father James rarely spoke to him.

 All this took eternal shape in one night when James  came drunk in home and beaten Edit, little Bruce has seen all this hidden behind a door, his heart was beating so hard he felt so much pain for his mother.

 Even why he was only 5 and half years of age he understood the situation in which his family was.

 What was even worse it’s that this has happened so fast that those happy days looked like yesterday. This kind of atmosphere on family have lasted two and half years until James has moved out from home and never return.

 Edit has always told to Bruce that the father has escaped not because he wanted to but he went to find a better job, and he will eventually return and will live together. Those things have removed the pain for some time.. But not forever eventually things exploded years later.

 

According to Freud theory childhood is the period when a child gets a psychological shaping, by moderating from parents. All this creates a perception for world function, individual relations, difference between good and evil, and gives or not the sense of empathy/

 

Very often when the absence of this relation doesn’t mean to be only physical because there are cases when child sees his parent every day but doesn’t take the love and father figure for his children. So in worst scenario can happen two things

 A child can experience what he shouldn’t, or experience what he should. In the first be victim or witness of sexual, physical or psychological violence, and secondly not to experience love and the attachment of their parents even why they are present physically.

 Actually Bruce has experienced both versions; this has left a big mark on his life. Things started to turn for good few years later after his father s abandonment when Edit Bruce’s mother has started a job like a nanny in a London family.

 They allowed Edit to live on their home because it was big enough and taking Bruce there was a good think during that time. Few years latter Edit and Bruce found themselves on the streets again because the family has fired Edit from Job.

 

Since that time it was a big hell for them, living from one place to another filled with rats, but Bruce always went in school even he had to change a lot of them. He wasn’t technically prepared but always left great impression at his teachers.

 With that desire for knowledge he managed to register on police academy, he was a grown man everything has changed , his body, psychology , perception for world, but what remained static is that feeling that was escorting him every second of his breath, feeling alienated, different it was the same since the day that his father has left forever.

 Things got even harder when two years before entering to