The Bookshop of Second Chances Jackie Fraser (ebook reader macos .txt) 📖

‘I was shocked when he told me,’ I say, ‘but it’s not like he’s proud of himself. Your relationship was messed up before he ever slept with’ – I search for the name of the first one – ‘Tasha, or whoever. Wasn’t it? He says he did it out of revenge and so you should probably think about why he wanted to be revenged. I mean I think it’s awful, and melodramatic, but it’s also a long time ago. How long have you and Carolyn been divorced? Eight years?’

‘Yes.’

‘You need to stop fixating on it. It’s difficult for me,’ I complain, ‘trying to be friends with you as well as being Edward’s… girlfriend.’ It still feels odd saying this. I’m much too old to be someone’s girlfriend.

‘You’ll have to choose then, won’t you?’

‘I don’t know what you want me to say. That’s pushing me, isn’t it? And you know if I had to choose, I’d choose Edward, because I…’ Again, I pause, feeling awkward. ‘Because I love him.’

‘I know you do. And he loves you. It’s all very cosy.’

It’s odd having this conversation in the dark. I bet if he could see me, he wouldn’t be able to say any of this. I sigh, irritable. ‘For God’s sake. What’s that supposed to mean? No one did any of this deliberately. None of this has been like some great mysterious plan or anything.’

‘But you still chose him.’

‘That makes it sound like I had to pick between you and we all know that’s not true.’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘Jesus Christ. You took me out to dinner, and I told you I didn’t believe you had any real interest in me. I still don’t. This is about you and Edward, and it’s just unfortunate for me that I’m the one in the middle, when it could easily have been… I don’t know, Lara or someone.’

‘He didn’t care about Lara.’

‘No, that’s not my point. My point is–’

This is where the hammering on the door begins.

‘Thea? Thea, are you in there?’

‘Oh, and now look,’ I say. ‘Now there’s going to be a ridiculous scene and you’ve spoiled my evening.’

‘Go away,’ Charles yells, ‘we’re busy.’

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake.’ I move closer to the sound of his voice and push at him. ‘Get out of the way. Edward!’

‘Thea – what the hell’s going on?’

‘I suppose you think you’re clever,’ I say, kicking at Charles’s shins. ‘Charles won’t let me out,’ I add, louder. ‘And it’s dark.’

‘Open the door,’ says Edward.

‘Leave us alone. I told you, we’re busy. Ow, stop kicking me,’ he hisses.

‘I shan’t. Get away from the door.’ We tussle in the darkness. I’m pretty angry, to be honest. I’m worried about Edward’s temper, and about being stuck in here in the dark with Charles, and I manage to thump my fist on the light switch and we stand blinking at each other.

‘Now get away from the door,’ I say, and pull at his arm. He steps towards me and the door opens.

‘What the fuck–’ says Edward.

‘Oh thank God. Look, I don’t know what to do with him,’ I say, ‘he’s–’

But now they’re glaring at each other, toe to toe.

‘What the hell’s going on in here?’

‘Yes,’ says Charles, ‘it’s not pleasant to catch your girlfriend in a bedroom with your brother, is it?’

‘Oh, for GOD’s sake,’ I say. ‘You two are–’

It’s a bit late though, because Edward punches Charles, who staggers backwards and sits down rather unexpectedly on the bed. He looks surprised and puts his palm to his nose.

‘Jesus Christ,’ he says, slightly muffled.

‘Yeah, well don’t shut yourself into bedrooms with my girlfriend,’ says Edward. He looks at me. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes, I’m fine. Just quite angry because this has nothing to do with me.’ I jab my finger at Charles. ‘I don’t wish to spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re going to try and sexually assault me–’

‘Jesus Christ,’ says Edward. ‘He’d better not have laid a fucking finger on you–’

I grab for his arm. ‘No, he didn’t, and I don’t really think he was going to. But that’s not the point. You can’t carry on like this. I’m sorry I tried to get you to behave like grown-ups when it’s clearly beyond you.’

Edward puts his hands on his hips and snorts derisively. We all glare at each other for a long moment. Then he says, ‘All right, I wish I hadn’t done it. I know it was a shit thing to do. It only made me feel better for ten minutes.’

‘What?’ says Charles.

‘Sleeping with Carolyn. I fucked that up for you. I shouldn’t have.’ He glances at me. ‘There,’ he says.

‘Okay, good,’ I say. ‘Charles, did you hear that?’

‘Of course I heard it.’

‘No. Did you hear it?’ I bang my hand on my chest. ‘Did you feel and believe it?’

‘I… No.’

‘Again,’ I say, imperious.

Edward sighs heavily. ‘It’s true though. I mean it. I did it on purpose, and I was glad I’d done it at the time. I wanted to hurt you and I was glad I’d managed something so spectacular. But it didn’t last long, that feeling. Because it wasn’t any way to fix the stuff that was broken.’

‘You were sleeping together for months,’ says Charles.

‘We were, yeah, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying less true. It was wrong.’

‘And what about the others? Maddy, and Therese? And Poppy and–’

‘Yes, all of them,’ says Edward. I’m not sure even I completely believe him, and I notice he hasn’t actually said he’s sorry, but even this is a huge step, surely.

‘And you,’ I say. ‘What about you, Charles? Are you sorry about… What was her name?’ I ask Edward. ‘I don’t think you ever told me her name. The one when you were a teenager.’

‘Cleo.’

‘Oh my God,’ says Charles. He’s staring at Edward, a trickle of blood dribbling slowly down his lip. ‘Cleo Robertson? Is that… Oh my God.’

‘You broke my fucking heart,’ says Edward, ‘the pair of you.’

‘Oh my God. Jesus.’

‘You didn’t think it was completely random, did you? You see