Jeeves Stories P. G. Wodehouse (websites to read books for free txt) đ
- Author: P. G. Wodehouse
Book online «Jeeves Stories P. G. Wodehouse (websites to read books for free txt) đ». Author P. G. Wodehouse
I felt like the proprietor of a performing dog on the vaudeville stage when the tyke has just pulled off his trick without a hitch. I had betted on Jeeves all along, and I had known that he wouldnât let me down. It beats me sometimes why a man with his genius is satisfied to hang around pressing my clothes and whatnot. If I had half Jeevesâs brain, I should have a stab at being Prime Minister or something.
âJeeves,â I said, âthat is absolutely ripping! One of your very best efforts.â
âThank you, sir.â
The girl made an objection.
âBut Iâm sure I couldnât write a book about anything. I canât even write good letters.â
âMurielâs talents,â said Corky, with a little cough, âlie more in the direction of the drama, Bertie. I didnât mention it before, but one of our reasons for being a trifle nervous as to how Uncle Alexander will receive the news is that Muriel is in the chorus of that show Choose Your Exit at the Manhattan. Itâs absurdly unreasonable, but we both feel that that fact might increase Uncle Alexanderâs natural tendency to kick like a steer.â
I saw what he meant. Goodness knows there was fuss enough in our family when I tried to marry into musical comedy a few years ago. And the recollection of my Aunt Agathaâs attitude in the matter of Gussie and the vaudeville girl was still fresh in my mind. I donât know why it isâ âone of these psychology sharps could explain it, I supposeâ âbut uncles and aunts, as a class, are always dead against the drama, legitimate or otherwise. They donât seem able to stick it at any price.
But Jeeves had a solution, of course.
âI fancy it would be a simple matter, sir, to find some impecunious author who would be glad to do the actual composition of the volume for a small fee. It is only necessary that the young ladyâs name should appear on the title page.â
âThatâs true,â said Corky. âSam Patterson would do it for a hundred dollars. He writes a novelette, three short stories, and ten thousand words of a serial for one of the all-fiction magazines under different names every month. A little thing like this would be nothing to him. Iâll get after him right away.â
âFine!â
âWill that be all, sir?â said Jeeves. âVery good, sir. Thank you, sir.â
I always used to think that publishers had to be devilish intelligent fellows, loaded down with the grey matter; but Iâve got their number now. All a publisher has to do is to write cheques at intervals, while a lot of deserving and industrious chappies rally round and do the real work. I know, because Iâve been one myself. I simply sat tight in the old apartment with a fountain-pen, and in due season a topping, shiny book came along.
I happened to be down at Corkyâs place when the first copies of The Childrenâs Book of American Birds bobbed up. Muriel Singer was there, and we were talking of things in general when there was a bang at the door and the parcel was delivered.
It was certainly some book. It had a red cover with a fowl of some species on it, and underneath the girlâs name in gold letters. I opened a copy at random.
âOften of a spring morning,â it said at the top of page twenty-one, âas you wander through the fields, you will hear the sweet-toned, carelessly flowing warble of the purple finch linnet. When you are older you must read all about him in Mr. Alexander Worpleâs wonderful bookâ âAmerican Birds.â
You see. A boost for the uncle right away. And only a few pages later there he was in the limelight again in connection with the yellow-billed cuckoo. It was great stuff. The more I read, the more I admired the chap who had written it and Jeevesâs genius in putting us on to the wheeze. I didnât see how the uncle could fail to drop. You canât call a chap the worldâs greatest authority on the yellow-billed cuckoo without rousing a certain disposition towards chumminess in him.
âItâs a cert!â I said.
âAn absolute cinch!â said Corky.
And a day or two later he meandered up the Avenue to my apartment to tell me that all was well. The uncle had written Muriel a letter so dripping with the milk of human kindness that if he hadnât known Mr. Worpleâs handwriting Corky would have refused to believe him the author of it. Any time it suited Miss Singer to call, said the uncle, he would be delighted to make her acquaintance.
Shortly after this I had to go out of town. Diverse sound sportsmen had invited me to pay visits to their country places, and it wasnât for several months that I settled down in the city again. I had been wondering a lot, of course, about Corky, whether it all turned out right, and so forth, and my first evening in New York, happening to pop into a quiet sort of little restaurant which I go to when I donât feel inclined for the bright lights, I found Muriel Singer there, sitting by herself at a table near the door. Corky, I took it, was out telephoning. I went up and passed the time of day.
âWell, well, well, what?â I said.
âWhy, Mr. Wooster! How do you do?â
âCorky around?â
âI beg your pardon?â
âYouâre waiting for Corky, arenât you?â
âOh, I didnât understand. No, Iâm not waiting for him.â
It seemed to me that there
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