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of morals itā€™s a positive crime to give this chap a farthing. And yet I feel a sort of rough justice in his claim. Doolittle Thatā€™s it, Governor. Thatā€™s all I say. A fatherā€™s heart, as it were. Pickering Well, I know the feeling; but really it seems hardly rightā ā€” Doolittle Donā€™t say that, Governor. Donā€™t look at it that way. What am I, Governors both? I ask you, what am I? Iā€™m one of the undeserving poor: thatā€™s what I am. Think of what that means to a man. It means that heā€™s up agen middle class morality all the time. If thereā€™s anything going, and I put in for a bit of it, itā€™s always the same story: ā€œYouā€™re undeserving; so you canā€™t have it.ā€ But my needs is as great as the most deserving widowā€™s that ever got money out of six different charities in one week for the death of the same husband. I donā€™t need less than a deserving man: I need more. I donā€™t eat less hearty than him; and I drink a lot more. I want a bit of amusement, cause Iā€™m a thinking man. I want cheerfulness and a song and a band when I feel low. Well, they charge me just the same for everything as they charge the deserving. What is middle class morality? Just an excuse for never giving me anything. Therefore, I ask you, as two gentlemen, not to play that game on me. Iā€™m playing straight with you. I ainā€™t pretending to be deserving. Iā€™m undeserving; and I mean to go on being undeserving. I like it; and thatā€™s the truth. Will you take advantage of a manā€™s nature to do him out of the price of his own daughter what heā€™s brought up and fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow until sheā€™s growed big enough to be interesting to you two gentlemen? Is five pounds unreasonable? I put it to you; and I leave it to you. Higgins Rising, and going over to Pickering. Pickering: if we were to take this man in hand for three months, he could choose between a seat in the Cabinet and a popular pulpit in Wales. Pickering What do you say to that, Doolittle? Doolittle Not me, Governor, thank you kindly. Iā€™ve heard all the preachers and all the prime ministersā ā€”for Iā€™m a thinking man and game for politics or religion or social reform same as all the other amusementsā ā€”and I tell you itā€™s a dogā€™s life anyway you look at it. Undeserving poverty is my line. Taking one station in society with another, itā€™sā ā€”itā€™sā ā€”well, itā€™s the only one that has any ginger in it, to my taste. Higgins I suppose we must give him a fiver. Pickering Heā€™ll make a bad use of it, Iā€™m afraid. Doolittle Not me, Governor, so help me I wonā€™t. Donā€™t you be afraid that Iā€™ll save it and spare it and live idle on it. There wonā€™t be a penny of it left by Monday: Iā€™ll have to go to work same as if Iā€™d never had it. It wonā€™t pauperize me, you bet. Just one good spree for myself and the missus, giving pleasure to ourselves and employment to others, and satisfaction to you to think itā€™s not been throwed away. You couldnā€™t spend it better. Higgins Taking out his pocket book and coming between Doolittle and the piano. This is irresistible. Letā€™s give him ten. He offers two notes to the dustman. Doolittle No, Governor. She wouldnā€™t have the heart to spend ten; and perhaps I shouldnā€™t neither. Ten pounds is a lot of money: it makes a man feel prudent like; and then goodbye to happiness. You give me what I ask you, Governor: not a penny more, and not a penny less. Pickering Why donā€™t you marry that missus of yours? I rather draw the line at encouraging that sort of immorality. Doolittle Tell her so, Governor: tell her so. Iā€™m willing. Itā€™s me that suffers by it. Iā€™ve no hold on her. I got to be agreeable to her. I got to give her presents. I got to buy her clothes something sinful. Iā€™m a slave to that woman, Governor, just because Iā€™m not her lawful husband. And she knows it too. Catch her marrying me! Take my advice, Governor: marry Eliza while sheā€™s young and donā€™t know no better. If you donā€™t youā€™ll be sorry for it after. If you do, sheā€™ll be sorry for it after; but better you than her, because youā€™re a man, and sheā€™s only a woman and donā€™t know how to be happy anyhow. Higgins Pickering: if we listen to this man another minute, we shall have no convictions left. To Doolittle. Five pounds I think you said. Doolittle Thank you kindly, Governor. Higgins Youā€™re sure you wonā€™t take ten? Doolittle Not now. Another time, Governor. Higgins Handing him a five-pound note. Here you are. Doolittle Thank you, Governor. Good morning. He hurries to the door, anxious to get away with his booty. When he opens it he is confronted with a dainty and exquisitely clean young Japanese lady in a simple blue cotton kimono printed cunningly with small white jasmine blossoms. Mrs. Pearce is with her. He gets out of her way deferentially and apologizes. Beg pardon, miss. The Japanese Lady Garn! Donā€™t you know your own daughter? Doolittle Exclaiming. Bly me! itā€™s Eliza! Higgins Whatā€™s that! This! Pickering By Jove! Liza Donā€™t I look silly? Higgins Silly? Mrs. Pearce At the door. Now, Mr. Higgins, please donā€™t say anything to make the girl conceited about herself. Higgins Conscientiously. Oh! Quite right, Mrs. Pearce. To Liza. Yes: damned silly. Mrs. Pearce Please, sir. Higgins Correcting himself. I mean extremely silly. Liza I should look all right with my hat on. She takes up her hat; puts it on; and walks across the room to the fireplace with a fashionable air. Higgins A new fashion, by George! And it ought to look horrible! Doolittle With fatherly pride. Well, I never thought sheā€™d clean up as good
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