Pygmalion George Bernard Shaw (the mitten read aloud .txt) š
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of morals itās a positive crime to give this chap a farthing. And yet I feel a sort of rough justice in his claim.
Doolittle
Thatās it, Governor. Thatās all I say. A fatherās heart, as it were.
Pickering
Well, I know the feeling; but really it seems hardly rightā ā
Doolittle
Donāt say that, Governor. Donāt look at it that way. What am I, Governors both? I ask you, what am I? Iām one of the undeserving poor: thatās what I am. Think of what that means to a man. It means that heās up agen middle class morality all the time. If thereās anything going, and I put in for a bit of it, itās always the same story: āYouāre undeserving; so you canāt have it.ā But my needs is as great as the most deserving widowās that ever got money out of six different charities in one week for the death of the same husband. I donāt need less than a deserving man: I need more. I donāt eat less hearty than him; and I drink a lot more. I want a bit of amusement, cause Iām a thinking man. I want cheerfulness and a song and a band when I feel low. Well, they charge me just the same for everything as they charge the deserving. What is middle class morality? Just an excuse for never giving me anything. Therefore, I ask you, as two gentlemen, not to play that game on me. Iām playing straight with you. I aināt pretending to be deserving. Iām undeserving; and I mean to go on being undeserving. I like it; and thatās the truth. Will you take advantage of a manās nature to do him out of the price of his own daughter what heās brought up and fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow until sheās growed big enough to be interesting to you two gentlemen? Is five pounds unreasonable? I put it to you; and I leave it to you.
Higgins
Rising, and going over to Pickering. Pickering: if we were to take this man in hand for three months, he could choose between a seat in the Cabinet and a popular pulpit in Wales.
Pickering
What do you say to that, Doolittle?
Doolittle
Not me, Governor, thank you kindly. Iāve heard all the preachers and all the prime ministersā āfor Iām a thinking man and game for politics or religion or social reform same as all the other amusementsā āand I tell you itās a dogās life anyway you look at it. Undeserving poverty is my line. Taking one station in society with another, itāsā āitāsā āwell, itās the only one that has any ginger in it, to my taste.
Higgins
I suppose we must give him a fiver.
Pickering
Heāll make a bad use of it, Iām afraid.
Doolittle
Not me, Governor, so help me I wonāt. Donāt you be afraid that Iāll save it and spare it and live idle on it. There wonāt be a penny of it left by Monday: Iāll have to go to work same as if Iād never had it. It wonāt pauperize me, you bet. Just one good spree for myself and the missus, giving pleasure to ourselves and employment to others, and satisfaction to you to think itās not been throwed away. You couldnāt spend it better.
Higgins
Taking out his pocket book and coming between Doolittle and the piano. This is irresistible. Letās give him ten. He offers two notes to the dustman.
Doolittle
No, Governor. She wouldnāt have the heart to spend ten; and perhaps I shouldnāt neither. Ten pounds is a lot of money: it makes a man feel prudent like; and then goodbye to happiness. You give me what I ask you, Governor: not a penny more, and not a penny less.
Pickering
Why donāt you marry that missus of yours? I rather draw the line at encouraging that sort of immorality.
Doolittle
Tell her so, Governor: tell her so. Iām willing. Itās me that suffers by it. Iāve no hold on her. I got to be agreeable to her. I got to give her presents. I got to buy her clothes something sinful. Iām a slave to that woman, Governor, just because Iām not her lawful husband. And she knows it too. Catch her marrying me! Take my advice, Governor: marry Eliza while sheās young and donāt know no better. If you donāt youāll be sorry for it after. If you do, sheāll be sorry for it after; but better you than her, because youāre a man, and sheās only a woman and donāt know how to be happy anyhow.
Higgins
Pickering: if we listen to this man another minute, we shall have no convictions left. To Doolittle. Five pounds I think you said.
Doolittle
Thank you kindly, Governor.
Higgins
Youāre sure you wonāt take ten?
Doolittle
Not now. Another time, Governor.
Higgins
Handing him a five-pound note. Here you are.
Doolittle
Thank you, Governor. Good morning.
He hurries to the door, anxious to get away with his booty. When he opens it he is confronted with a dainty and exquisitely clean young Japanese lady in a simple blue cotton kimono printed cunningly with small white jasmine blossoms. Mrs. Pearce is with her. He gets out of her way deferentially and apologizes. Beg pardon, miss.
The Japanese Lady
Garn! Donāt you know your own daughter?
Doolittle
Exclaiming. Bly me! itās Eliza!
Higgins
Whatās that! This!
Pickering
By Jove!
Liza
Donāt I look silly?
Higgins
Silly?
Mrs. Pearce
At the door. Now, Mr. Higgins, please donāt say anything to make the girl conceited about herself.
Higgins
Conscientiously. Oh! Quite right, Mrs. Pearce. To Liza. Yes: damned silly.
Mrs. Pearce
Please, sir.
Higgins
Correcting himself. I mean extremely silly.
Liza
I should look all right with my hat on. She takes up her hat; puts it on; and walks across the room to the fireplace with a fashionable air.
Higgins
A new fashion, by George! And it ought to look horrible!
Doolittle
With fatherly pride. Well, I never thought sheād clean up as good
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