Our American Cousin Tom Taylor (top ebook reader .txt) š
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Boots, and one for you, Harry. Hiding letter behind her.
Harry Vernon
Ah, one for me, Florence?
Florence Trenchard
Now what will you give me for one?
Harry Vernon
Ah, then you have one?
Florence Trenchard
Yes, there, Harry. Gives it.
Harry Vernon
Ah, for a ship. Opens and reads.
Florence Trenchard
Ah! Mon ami, you are to leave us. Good news, or bad?
Harry Vernon
No ship yet, this promises another year of landlubbery. Goes up.
Florence Trenchard
Iām so sorry. Aside. Iām so glad heās not going away. But whereās Dundreary. Has anybody seen Dundreary?
Enter Lord Dundreary.
Lord Dundreary
Good morning, Miss Florence.
Florence Trenchard
Comes down, L. Good morning, my Lord Dundreary. Who do you think has been here? What does the postman bring?
Lord Dundreary
Well, sometimes he brings a bag with a lock on it, sometimes newspapers, and sometimes letters, I suppothe.
Florence Trenchard
There. Gives letter. Lord Dundreary opens letter and Florence Trenchard goes up R. Lord Dundreary knocks knees against chair, turns round knocks shins, and at last is seated extreme R.
Lord Dundreary
Thank you. Reads letter.
Capt. De Boots
Reading paper. By Jove, old Soloman has made a crop of it.
Lord Dundreary
Aā āwhat of it?
Capt. De Boots
I beg pardon, an event I am deeply interested in, thatās all. I beg pardon.
Augusta
Ah! Florence, dear, thereās a letter of yours got among mine. Gives it.
Florence Trenchard
Why papa, itās from dear brother Ned.
Sir Edward Trenchard
From my boy! Where is he? How is he? Read it.
Florence Trenchard
He writes from Brattleboroā Vt. Reading written letter. āQuite well, just come in from a shooting excursion, with a party of Crows, splendid fellows, six feet high.ā
Lord Dundreary
Birds six feet high, what tremendous animals they must be.
Florence Trenchard
Oh, I see what my brother means; a tribe of indians called Crows, not birds.
Lord Dundreary
Oh, I thought you meant those creatures with wigs on them.
Florence Trenchard
Wigs!
Lord Dundreary
I mean those things that move, breathe and walk, they look like animals with those things. Moving his arms like wings.
Florence Trenchard
Wings.
Lord Dundreary
Birds with wings, thatās the idea.
Florence Trenchard
Reading written letter. āBy the by, I have lately come quite haphazard upon the other branch of our family, which emigrated to America at the Restoration. They are now thriving in this State, and discovering our relationship, they received me most hospitably. I have cleared up the mysterious death of old Mark Trenchard.ā
Sir Edward Trenchard
Of my uncle!
Florence Trenchard
Reading written letter. āIt appears that when he quarreled with his daughter on her marriage with poor Meredith, he came here in search of this stray shoot of the family tree, found them and died in their house, leaving Asa Trenchard, one of the sons, heir to his personal property in England, which ought to belong to poor Mary Meredith. Asa Trenchard is about to sail for the old country, to take possession. I gave him directions to find you out, and he should arrive almost as soon as this letter. Receive him kindly for the sake of the kindness he has shown to me, and let him see some of our shooting. Your affectionate brother, Ned.ā
Sir Edward Trenchard
An American branch of the family.
Mrs. Mountchessington
Oh, how interesting!
Augusta
Enthusiastically. How delightfully romantic! I can imagine the wild young hunter. An Apollo of the prairie.
Florence Trenchard
An Apollo of the prairie; yes, with a strong nasal twang, and a decided taste for tobacco and cobblers.
Sir Edward Trenchard
Florence, you forget that he is a Trenchard, and no true Trenchard would have a liking for cobblers or low people of that kind.
Florence Trenchard
I hate him, whatever he is, coming here to rob poor cousin Mary of her grandmotherās guineas.
Sir Edward Trenchard
Florence, how often must I request you not to speak of Mary Meredith as your cousin?
Florence Trenchard
Why, she is my cousin, is she not? Besides she presides over her milk pail like a duchess playing dairymaid. Sir Edward Trenchard goes up. Ah! Papa wonāt hear me speak of my poor cousin, and then Iām so fond of syllabubs. Dundreary, do you know what syllabubs are?
Lord Dundreary
Oh, yeth, I know what syllabubs isā āyethā āyeth.
Florence Trenchard
Why, I donāt believe you do know what they are.
Lord Dundreary
Not know what syllabubs are? Thatās a good idea. Why they areā āsyllabubs areā āthey are only babies, idiotic children; thatās a good idea, thatās good. Bumps head against Florence Trenchard.
Florence Trenchard
No, itās not a bit like the idea. What you mean are called cherubims.
Lord Dundreary
What, those things that look like oranges, with wings on them?
Florence Trenchard
Not a bit like it. Well, after luncheon you must go with me and Iāll introduce you to my cousin Mary and syllabubs.
Lord Dundreary
I never saw Mr. Syllabubs, I am sure.
Florence Trenchard
Well, now, donāt forget.
Lord Dundreary
I never can forgetā āwhen I can recollect.
Florence Trenchard
Then recollect that you have an appointment with me after luncheon.
Lord Dundreary
Yeth, yeth.
Florence Trenchard
Well, what have you after luncheon?
Lord Dundreary
Well, sometimes I have a glass of brandy with an egg in it, sometimes a run āround the duck-pond, sometimes a game of checkersā āthatās for exercise, and perhaps a game of billiards.
Florence Trenchard
No, no; you have with me after luncheon, an apā āan apā ā
Lord Dundreary
An apā āan apā ā
Florence Trenchard
An apā āan appointā āappointment.
Lord Dundreary
An ointment, thatās the idea. Knocks against Capt. De Boots as they go upstage.
Mrs. Mountchessington
Aside. That artful girl has designs upon Lord Dundreary. Augusta, dear, go and see how your poor, dear sister is this morning.
Augusta
Yes, mamma. Exit, L. 1 E.
Mrs. Mountchessington
She is a great sufferer, my dear.
Lord Dundreary
Yeth, but a lonely one.
Florence Trenchard
What sort of a night had she?
Mrs. Mountchessington
Oh, a very refreshing one, thanks to the draught you were kind enough to prescribe for her, Lord Dundreary.
Florence Trenchard
What! Has Lord Dundreary been prescribing for Georgina?
Lord Dundreary
Yeth. You see I gave her
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