Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

and dating is that the timing and meaning of sexual activity has changed. When the dating script dominated campus life, college men and women went on dates first and then, in some cases, became sexually intimate with each other. Through dating, couples could get to know each other better or build a relationship by spending time together as well as facilitate potential sexual interaction.32 College men used to ask women to go on dates with the hope that something sexual, such as necking or petting, might happen at the end of the date. In the hooking-up era, this sexual norm is reversed. College students, following the hookup script, become sexual 48

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first and then maybe go on a date someday. In fact, going on a traditional style date is likely to happen only if the two partners progress to the point of deciding to become an exclusive couple (i.e., boyfriend/girlfriend), as reflected in Lee, Marie, and Jack’s responses.

KB: Would you say that students go on dates? What do you see around you? What is the most common?

Lee: Most common is just hooking up. I don’t really see people go out on dates that often, unless they are [already] in a relationship. [Freshman, Faith University]

Marie: Most people I know, just meet people by meeting them out at a bar and hooking up and then from there if somebody is interested, then they might see you out more [and something further might happen with them], I don’t think anybody really goes on dates unless they are [already] in a serious relationship and they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, then they might be like: “Oh, do you want to go out to dinner?” But, that’s about it. [Emphasis by interviewee] [Senior, State University]

KB: Would you say that students date or they go on dates?

Jack: [Pauses] Some. Like the ones that have gotten into serious relationships, yes. They’ll go out to dinner . . . but everyone else it’s just: “I’ll meet you at this party” or “I’ll meet you at this bar.” [Sophomore, Faith University]

Hooking up is the first step; going to dinner or a movie or any other typical one-on-one date happens much later or not at all for the majority, who never reach the point of a full-fledged relationship. Therefore, hooking up reverses the traditional “date first, sex later” formula that governed intimate relationships on college campuses from the 1920s through the mid-1960s.

Moreover, in the dating era, the sexual norms dictated that the degree of sexual intimacy would increase between partners over time. Or, as a couple became increasingly committed, sex would escalate.33 The hooking-up script does not require a correlation between sexual intimacy and relationship commitment. A hookup can include anything from kissing to sexual intercourse between partners, even on the first T H E H O O K U P

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encounter. In fact, many students indicated that they were more likely to “go farther” during a hookup encounter if they did not have strong feelings for their partner or when they believed turning the hookup into a relationship was unlikely.

Dating is no longer the centerpiece of college social life. Instead of dating, college students today socialize with large groups of friends and classmates and pair off to hook up. Hooking up is its own script, with its own norms for how to meet, get together, become sexually intimate, and manage the potential formation of relationships. Although students are aware of these norms, many of them also feel that they had to learn them over time. Discovering that a relationship is not a probable outcome of a hookup encounter was difficult for some (usually women) who wanted “something more,” but they felt powerless to get what they want. Those unhappy with the hookup script had to come to terms that it was the “only game in town,” at least on campus.

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The Hookup Scene

The college campus is not the only place where people hook up, but there is something unique about campus life that makes the hookup culture flourish there.1 In my conversation with Jen, a junior at State University, she talked about the difference between living at home during summer break and being on campus. She touched on many different aspects of college life that make it more conducive to hooking up than dating.

KB: So what’s different about home that would make you go out on a date there and not here [at school]?

Jen: [Guys at home] don’t have this incredible access to girls like these guys have . . . and there are very beautiful girls here [at State U.], and they have a whole bunch of them in a concen-trated area with their apartments and massive amounts of alcohol involved. That’s just great opportunity for them

[guys at school].

KB: For them?

Jen: Yeah definitely. I guess whatever way you look at it; it’s a great opportunity [to hook up] if that’s what you want. [At home] you like have to meet the parents. And it’s not like if I go out and I meet somebody at home that I am interested in, when I’m at a bar or wherever we meet, it’s not like I’m going to see him the next night at the same place, or in a week on campus, I might not see him again. So he’ll take your number. And if they want to get to know you it’s not like they can come over to your parents’ house and sleep over . . . they actually have to make that effort to take you out on a date. So that’s probably the difference.

KB: And you have gone on formal dates at home [during summer break]?

Jen: Yes.

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Jen’s explanation of why campus is an easy place to hook up underscores a key point: environment has a major impact on how we conduct our sexual and romantic lives. Environment can refer to many different things, such as geographic location (e.g., the