Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

The students I spoke with indicated that if the two parties were friends before the hookup, they try to stay friends. If they were acquaintances before, they are cordial or perhaps even friendly when they run into each other again. Since a hallmark of the hookup script is that there are no strings attached, there is no reason for there to be any tension between the two after hooking up. However, both men and women often indicated that they did feel awkward or “weird” with a former partner after the hookup.20 Both parties involved in the hook up are not always in agreement about what will happen next; in fact, it is often the case that one party is more interested in furthering the relationship than the other.21

Although “nothing” is the most likely outcome of a hookup, that does not necessarily mean that the two people never hook up again. The fact that nothing usually results from a hookup means that no special relationship is formed between the two parties. The majority of students, like Lee, a freshman at Faith University, indicated that hooking up repeatedly with the same person was fairly common, even if there was little to no contact outside of the late-night party or bar interaction.

Lee: I see a lot of girls [that] will have someone in mind [that they want to hook up with that night]. Not talk to them all week, go to a party, go home with them, not talk to them the whole next week, go to the party, see them again, [and] go home with them. That is their person to go home with at a party. I see that a lot.

KB: A lot of times it doesn’t just happen one time, it is with the same person repeatedly?

Lee: Yeah, but with nothing in the middle.

KB: No phone calls, no e-mails, no contact during the week?

Lee: Correct.

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KB: Weekends only?

Lee: Right. [Laughs]

Repeated hooking up does not automatically lead to any semblance of a relationship. Indeed, if there is no contact with the person during the week or at any time other than weekend nights, college students viewed it as nothing more than a “repeat hookup.” Another possible outcome of hooking up is a variation of hooking up repeatedly, known as “seeing each other.” This refers to cases where one college student will repeatedly hook up with the same person and there will be some attempts to “hang out” or spend time with the person in between hookup encounters. In addition to the phrase “seeing each other,” some interviewees referred to this as “talking,” or less often as “dating.”22 The contact between hookup encounters could take a variety of forms, including phone calls, text messages, e-mails, or instant messages. In addition to talking to each other, students suggested that they might also make plans to meet somewhere. However, the two would not go out alone; they would meet in a group setting and “hang out” with a larger group of friends and classmates, as is the case for most college-student socializing.

The type of relationships falling under the labels of “seeing each other,” “talking,” “hanging out,” or “dating” are still characterized by a low level of commitment, where hooking up with someone else is still a possibility. These relationships also tend to be short lived, lasting a few weeks or couple months before disintegrating. Many of the college women indicated that it is men who decide whether to continue seeing each other or whether a relationship will evolve.23 Furthermore, college women often seemed at a loss to explain why the man they were “seeing” decided to end things, as did Jen, a junior at State University.

Jen: You’ll hook up with them for a week or two weeks consecutively and then something weirdo happens [laughing].

KB: Like what?

Jen: Like you’ll see them with [another] girl one night and you are just standing there. I’ve seen that happen to my friends.

No one ever really . . . sits you down and says: “I don’t think this is working out,” [they don’t handle it] in a mature way.

[Laughing]

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Marie, a senior at State University, added, “A lot of girls are fine in relationships and the guys just change, something clicks in the guy where they’re like: ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore.’” The least likely outcome of hooking up is that it leads to becoming a couple. In other words, two college students hook up and then decide after some period of time to be an exclusive couple or boyfriend/girlfriend. These relationships are referred to as “going out” or being “together” or “with” the other person. Exclusivity is one of the defining features of these relationships. Hooking up with someone outside of the relationship is considered “cheating” and will likely lead to a breakup of the relationship. During their freshman year, many college students, both male and female, tried to avoid becoming part of an exclusive relationship. Freshmen, and others recollecting their freshman experience, spoke of wanting to make a lot of friends during their first year and “see what’s out there.” Becoming a part of an exclusive couple was seen as being at odds with these goals. Liz, a freshman at Faith University, said, “I was one of those [people who thought] like: ‘Oh this is college, you know, I’m just going to keep my options open,’ blah, blah, blah.”

However, as students progress through their college years, some increasingly begin looking for an exclusive relationship, and female students seem considerably more interested than males that hooking up would lead to a relationship or at least something more than a one-time encounter. However, the hookup script does not seem conducive to relationship formation.

Rebecca, a sophomore from State University, explained how women are often interested in more than just hooking up, sometimes trying to turn a hookup into a relationship. To this