How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You Leil Lowndes (nonfiction book recommendations .TXT) 📖

feel alike. In a subtle physical way you can hint at your similarity of beliefs, even during casual conversations.

Certain emotions make our bodies react in certain ways. Sadness makes us slump. Excitement causes our hands to rub together. Deep reflection makes us stroke our chin or run a finger around the rim of a glass. Timothy Perper, the singles' bar Ph.D., proved that the final step before two strangers became a

''couple'' for the evening was thesynchronization of movements we discussed earlier. Even if you don't know precisely what your Quarry is thinking, synchronize your movements when something happens to hint that you feel the same way.

Both men and women want partners who share their values in life. However, when a man and a woman meet, typically

Page 110

he is thinking more of the short run ("Will we enjoy a date together? Will she go to bed with me?"), whereas a woman has the long haul buried somewhere in her genes. TheCo-React technique works

well for both Hunters and Huntresses, but men should take special heed. Whether your imagination is forming fantasies of just a date or of a lifetime together, make sure your reactions to outside stimuli are similar to your Quarry's.

TECHNIQUE #28

HUNTERS): CO-REACT

To capture your Quarry's heart, share his or her convictions and show you feel deeply. Watch your Quarry's reactions to outside stimuli, then show the same emotions—shock, disgust, humor, compassion.

Say you're in a nightspot and a foolish drunk falls off a bar stool. Watch how your Quarry reacts. Did he laugh? Did she show shock? Did he coolly ignore it?

Did she rush over to help the drunk up off the floor?

Do the same.

Similarity Number Three: "What is Love?"

Couples seldom discuss the third type of similarity until it is too late. It is the most insidious because it only rears its ugly head when there is a problem.

What is this dragon that devours love? It is the tacit assumptions each partner has about what a relationshipshould be. How much closeness? How much distance? How much self-reliance? How much dependence? How much giving? How much

sacrifice?

Page 111

Some people feel a relationship is total intimacy and involvement. Others think it is simply loving coexistence. Some lovers agree with the French writer, Jean Anouilh, when he said, "Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." Others agree with another Frenchman, the author oTfhe Little Prince , Antoine de Saint-Exupery, who felt "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Where do we get such diverse convictions of what love should be and how lovers should behave? What you expect from a relationship comes from your experience with love. The way your parents loved each other, or didn't. The way previous lovers loved you and how much you liked it, or didn't.

Science has dubbed your relationship expectations your "CL," youcromparison levell. Researchers have proved that your happiness in love will be greatly determined by how far above, or far below, your Cll

your relationship falls. If, to you, a relationship should be total commitment and completely engulfing, a distant partner will drive you crazy. The more you try to draw that distant partner to you, the more he or she will pull away.

Conversely, if the ideal relationship to you is loving coexistence, a partner who gets too close will suffocate you. The more you push him or her away, the more you weaken the relationship.

All love relationships have a delicate balance between intimacy and independence. If the balance is off (according to either of the partners), the relationship topples. Most people are not consciously aware of the danger the disparity presents, but they ha ve a sixth sense that it is important. People tend to fall in love with people who feel the same way they do about what constitutes love.

The next step to make your Quarry fall in love with you is to find out how he or she envisions a relationship. Then love himthe way he wants you to love him —love her the way she wants you to love her . Not the way you want to love your partner.

The single most powerful predictor of relationship satisfaction is the difference between how you think the other feels about you and how you would like an ideal other to feel about you.

34

Robert J. Sternberg , The Triangle of

Love Earlyinyourrelationship,startunearthinghowyour needstobeloved.Hunters,thisisabit

PLP easier for you because women are more comfortable discussing relationship issues. If you are already close, you can ask the question outright:

"What, to you, is an ideal relationship? How would you like a man to love you?" (I don't mean sexually.) Does she long for total intimacy and interdependence, or does she prefer loving distance? Does she want you to ask and care about her every move, or does she need more space? The answer, in all cases, probably lies somewhere between the two extremes.

Try to get an accurate reading on this and all other aspects of her "ideal" relationship.

If, however, you are not yet a couple—or if you suspect she might be uncomfortable with this question—couch it as a philosophical query. Ask her,

"How would you define love?" or "What is your view of the ideal relationship?"

TECHNIQUE #29

HUNTERS): WHAT IS LOVE?

Hunters, ask your Quarry, either directly or as a philosophical question, how she defines an ideal relationship.

Then love her not the way you think you should love her but the way her ideal partner would love her.

Page 112

Page 113

Gentlemen, if she appears uncomfortable even with the philosophical question, back off for a week or so.

There are independent women—and their numbers are growing—who "think like a man," or at least the way men traditionally are reputed to think. Then use the following technique which I suggest primarily for women to use on you.

Let's Talk About Our Relationship—Not!

Some contemporary relationship counselors encourage couples to discuss their relationship openly and often. They suggest exploring their love through quizzes, exercises, and affirmations. This can be enlightening and beneficial. Buotnlyif both partners enjoy discussing relationship issues, and only if both