Major Barbara George Bernard Shaw (crime books to read txt) š
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Cusins, overwhelmed, sits down on the same form nearer the shelter. Barbara comes from the shelter to the middle of the yard. She is excited and a little overwrought.
Barbara
Weāve just had a splendid experience meeting at the other gate in Crippsās lane. Iāve hardly ever seen them so much moved as they were by your confession, Mr. Price.
Price
I could almost be glad of my past wickedness if I could believe that it would āelp to keep hathers stright.
Barbara
So it will, Snobby. How much, Jenny?
Jenny
Four and tenpence, Major.
Barbara
Oh Snobby, if you had given your poor mother just one more kick, we should have got the whole five shillings!
Price
If she heard you say that, miss, sheād be sorry I didnāt. But Iām glad. Oh what a joy it will be to her when she hears Iām saved!
Undershaft
Shall I contribute the odd twopence, Barbara? The millionaireās mite, eh? He takes a couple of pennies from his pocket.
Barbara
How did you make that twopence?
Undershaft
As usual. By selling cannons, torpedoes, submarines, and my new patent Grand Duke hand grenade.
Barbara
Put it back in your pocket. You canāt buy your Salvation here for twopence: you must work it out.
Undershaft
Is twopence not enough? I can afford a little more, if you press me.
Barbara
Two million millions would not be enough. There is bad blood on your hands; and nothing but good blood can cleanse them. Money is no use. Take it away. She turns to Cusins. Dolly: you must write another letter for me to the papers. He makes a wry face. Yes: I know you donāt like it; but it must be done. The starvation this winter is beating us: everybody is unemployed. The General says we must close this shelter if we canāt get more money. I force the collections at the meetings until I am ashamed, donāt I, Snobby?
Price
Itās a fair treat to see you work it, miss. The way you got them up from three-and-six to four-and-ten with that hymn, penny by penny and verse by verse, was a caution. Not a Cheap Jack on Mile End Waste could touch you at it.
Barbara
Yes; but I wish we could do without it. I am getting at last to think more of the collection than of the peopleās souls. And what are those hatfuls of pence and halfpence? We want thousands! tens of thousands! hundreds of thousands! I want to convert people, not to be always begging for the Army in a way Iād die sooner than beg for myself.
Undershaft
In profound irony. Genuine unselfishness is capable of anything, my dear.
Barbara
Unsuspectingly, as she turns away to take the money from the drum and put it in a cash bag she carries. Yes, isnāt it? Undershaft looks sardonically at Cusins.
Cusins
Aside to Undershaft. Mephistopheles! Machiavelli!
Barbara
Tears coming into her eyes as she ties the bag and pockets it. How are we to feed them? I canāt talk religion to a man with bodily hunger in his eyes. Almost breaking down. Itās frightful.
Jenny
Running to her. Major, dearā ā
Barbara
Rebounding. No: donāt comfort me. It will be all right. We shall get the money.
Undershaft
How?
Jenny
By praying for it, of course. Mrs. Baines says she prayed for it last night; and she has never prayed for it in vain: never once. She goes to the gate and looks out into the street.
Barbara
Who has dried her eyes and regained her composure. By the way, dad, Mrs. Baines has come to march with us to our big meeting this afternoon; and she is very anxious to meet you, for some reason or other. Perhaps sheāll convert you.
Undershaft
I shall be delighted, my dear.
Jenny
At the gate: excitedly. Major! Major! Hereās that man back again.
Barbara
What man?
Jenny
The man that hit me. Oh, I hope heās coming back to join us.
Bill Walker, with frost on his jacket, comes through the gate, his hands deep in his pockets and his chin sunk between his shoulders, like a cleaned-out gambler. He halts between Barbara and the drum.
Barbara
Hullo, Bill! Back already!
Bill
Nagging at her. Bin talkin ever sense, āav you?
Barbara
Pretty nearly. Well, has Todger paid you out for poor Jennyās jaw?
Bill
No he aināt.
Barbara
I thought your jacket looked a bit snowy.
Bill
So it is snowy. You want to know where the snow come from, donāt you?
Barbara
Yes.
Bill
Well, it come from off the ground in Parkinses Corner in Kennintahn. It got rubbed off be my shoulders: see?
Barbara
Pity you didnāt rub some off with your knees, Bill! That would have done you a lot of good.
Bill
With sour mirthless humor. I was saving another manās knees at the time. āE was kneelinā on my āed, so āe was.
Jenny
Who was kneeling on your head?
Bill
Todger was. āE was prayinā for me: prayinā comfortable with me as a carpet. So was Mog. So was the āole bloominā meetin. Mog she sez āO Lord break is stubborn spirit; but donāt āurt āis dear art.ā That was wot she said. āDonāt āurt āis dear artā! Anā āer blokeā āthirteen stun four!ā ākneelin wiv all āis weight on me. Funny, aināt it?
Jenny
Oh no. Weāre so sorry, Mr. Walker.
Barbara
Enjoying it frankly. Nonsense! of course itās funny. Served you right, Bill! You must have done something to him first.
Bill
Doggedly. I did wot I said Iād do. I spit in āis eye. āE looks up at the sky and sez, āO that I should be fahnd worthy to be spit upon for the gospelās sake!ā āe sez; anā Mog sez āGlory Allelloolier!ā; anā then āe called me Brother, anā dahned me as if I was a kid and āe was me mother washinā me a Setterda nawt. I āadnāt just no show wiv āim at all. Arf the street prayed; anā the tother arf larfed fit to split theirselves. To
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