Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

to pursue men for relationships.8 Both men and women did acknowledge that some women engage in hooking up for sex, while some men want girlfriends. Thus, there are differences within gender (as well as across gender) in how students interact. However, I found that the disparity between the motivations of men and women was a significant theme that profoundly affects the interaction between the sexes on campus.

DISTORTED PERCEPTIONS

Despite students’ interest in the sexual activities of their classmates, their perception of what is going on behind closed doors is often inac-curate.9 Although the initial stages of the hookup script occur out in the open at campus parties or bars, much of the sexual activity between hookup partners happens in private. Therefore, figuring out what others are doing sexually is often left to guesswork. One misperception that students have is that virginity is rare.10 Students believed the hookup scene was pervasive on campus, so they felt it was unlikely that many of their fellow classmates could maintain their virginity. Interestingly, even those students who were virgins believed the overwhelming majority of students on campus were not virgins.

When asked whether there might be a lot of virgins on campus, Adrienne, a senior from Faith University, said, “No. I don’t think so . . . like freshman year in college I was like, I just felt like I was like the only virgin.”

Students also suggested that even if someone was still a virgin when they came to college, they would not remain that way for long.11

Several students indicated that they did not know even one person they believed to be a virgin.

T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A 83

KB: Do you think virginity is common [on campus]?

Marie: Not anymore. Not in college, maybe freshman college girls, there were plenty of girls I knew that were virgins as freshmen that definitely were not [virgins anymore] by the end of their freshman year.

KB: Do you know anyone that is [a virgin] now . . . male or female?

Marie: Nope. [Senior, State University]

Jack, a sophomore at State University, relayed the following: KB: What about virginity, do you think that’s something that’s common on campus?

Jack: Gone by next year.

KB: [Laughs]. So, freshmen might come in that way, but they don’t stay that way?

Jack: Not very long.

KB: So, do you know anyone that still is [a virgin] now that you’re a sophomore?

Jack: [Pauses]. Hmm, no. Yeah, I actually do know one [girl that is a virgin].

Although college students did not think there were many virgins on campus, some of them did view virginity positively.12 A couple students, who were sexually active, even suggested that they wished they were still virgins (or at least they wished they had “lost” their virginity to someone else or under different circumstances). I asked Emily, a sophomore at Faith University, how virginity was viewed.

Emily: I think it’s positive, like to be a virgin is a positive thing, like I think virginity is something that is important and sacred and shouldn’t just be given away.

KB: If you feel comfortable answering, have you had sex before?

Emily: Yes.

KB: In high school?

Emily: No, in college. . . . This is bad, but it was a really bad decision and I was drunk and [there are] a lot of issues I have around it . . . it’s not so much that I care that I’m not a virgin, it’s just that I care that I have to say that it was with him, so [there are]

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T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A a lot of issues, but it was a bad decision. [Emphasis by interviewee]

Other students seemed neutral on the subject; that is, they did not express a strong opinion one way or another about virginity. These students described the decision to have sexual intercourse as an individual or personal decision.

KB: Is virginity ever something that is talked about on campus?

Do you know anyone who is a virgin or is that something they keep private?

Violet: In my group of friends, they talk about everything. My one best friend from high school is not having sex until she is married. And she had no problem telling anybody that, it is not a big thing for her.

KB: Is that something that people view positively or negatively?

Violet: I don’t view it any way. I have friends who have sex and who don’t. It’s all a personal preference. [Junior, State University]

Although some students, like Violet, implied that there are no negative consequences for being a virgin or for being sexually active, the majority of people I interviewed indicated otherwise. For women, a host of concerns accompany the decision to become sexually active. Men, on the other hand, reported a risk of being stigmatized if they decided to remain a virgin.13 Several male students mentioned that a man who was known to be a virgin would be mercilessly teased by his male friends.

Kevin, a senior at Faith University, recounted an interesting story in this regard.

KB: [Is] there anyone that [is] known as a virgin, either male or female?

Kevin: Oh yeah, but none at my school. (Laughs) This is a great story for you actually. My friend Don went away to school

[in a different state] and he was a fraternity brother and I used to go visit him . . . and his buddy Mike [is] a good looking guy . . . he’s a music major . . . he does not seem gay, [he is] very [muscular]. . . . And one Thanksgiving, [Don and Mike came up for a visit to a local bar and] Don looks at Mike and says: “Hey, your wallet’s open, show him your V-card.” T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A 85

And I was like: “What’s your V-card?” And [Mike says]:

“Here