Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

Gloria: I don’t know. Maybe she would feell. . . stupid going there.

Say she had sex with this guy, she would get there and they would not acknowledge her. They would not talk to her, not even look at her . . . they would be . . . laughing at her [rather]

than like [saying]: “What’s up?”

It seems likely that a woman labeled this way (and treated accordingly) is affected both emotionally and, in turn, behaviorally. Sociologists argue that labeling can affect behavior by altering one’s sense of identity and thereby ultimately creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby people live up to the labels imposed on them.17 If this is true, a young woman who is labeled the “campus slut” is likely to continue a pattern of behavior that will lead to further confirmation of the label.18 However, in some cases, life on campus might become too difficult. For instance, Violet, a junior at State University, had a 114

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female friend who ultimately transferred to a different college in order to escape the negative label imposed on her.

KB: Do you know people that have a bad reputation on campus?

Violet: I know . . . one friend who was at another campus. She had to leave [school because] she had a bad rep.

KB: When you say “she had to leave” is it something she felt she had to [do] because she had a bad reputation? What made her leave?

Violet: Because she slept with a lot of people on campus . . . people look at her as though she was a slut. And I think it made her feel like people were looking down on her so she had to leave to make herself feel better.

Another consequence for women was that men indicated that they would not be willing to be in a relationship with a woman who has a reputation for being highly sexually active. Interestingly, even men who were highly sexually active themselves said that they would refuse to be involved with a woman who behaved in the same way. For instance, Tony, a senior at State University, indicated that he had sexual intercourse with over forty women, but he would not want to be in a relationship with a woman who also had a high number of past sexual partners.

KB: When you say that you know people who might hook up with twenty different people in a semester, are you talking about guys or do you know girls who do that also?

Tony: [Laughs] Well, the one girl I was telling you about before, that’s one of the girls that does it. She’s like a guy, like she’ll go out and she’ll just like, she loves sex.

KB: So, she hooks up with a lot of different people?

Tony: Oh yeah.

KB: Would you be willing to be in a relationship with a girl who was like that?

Tony: No way, no way.

KB: But, you were involved with her before?

Tony: Yeah, I was involved with her freshman year, when I first got to know her. . . . What was the question, you said: “Would I be involved with someone like that [a girl who had hooked M E N , WO M E N , A N D T H E S E X UA ll D O U B ll E S TA N DA R D

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up with a lot of guys] after I knew she was [with a lot of different guys]?” For that reason alone, I mean I don’t want to date somebody that’s been with a hundred guys. [Emphasis by interviewee]

This does not mean that the men I spoke with would not hook up with a woman who had a bad reputation on campus. Rather, men will not consider relationships with women who are known as “sluts.” In my interview with Jack, a sophomore at Faith University, he discussed his current relationship status. Specifically, Jack mentioned a girl with whom he was pursuing a relationship. Importantly, Jack said that he wanted a relationship with this young woman because he had respect for her (unlike others on campus).

KB: Are you single now?

Jack: Trying not to be.

KB: So, you’re trying to be in a relationship?

Jack: Yes.

KB: Is she a [Faith University] girl?

Jack: Yes. She’s actually one of the few girls on campus that I actually have respect for. I’m just very picky when it comes to women.

Thus, women who are not worthy of “respect” will likely have difficulty forming relationships with men on campus.

BOYFRIENDS, BENEFITS, AND BOOTY CALLS

As a result of the sexual double standard, participating in the hookup culture can be risky for women. Most college women were aware of the rules imposed on them and the consequences of breaking those rules.

Although they may not have been cognizant of it, being in an ongoing relationship of some kind was a way for women to manage their reputations on campus.19 In the context of a relationship, college women are free to engage in sexual activity without the risk of being labeled or shunned.20 The students I spoke with often referred to women initiating “the talk” with men (i.e., a conversation to try to turn a hookup partner into a boyfriend).21 This was one way for women to try to gain 116

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control in the hookup scene, which is so fraught with pitfalls for them.

Adrienne, a senior at Faith University, had this to say about “the talk”: KB: So were you [and your current boyfriend] considered exclusive at some particular point? When did things transition to that?

Adrienne: I’d say . . . we don’t really have an anniversary. We don’t really subscribe to