Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

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Ed: Right.

KB: And how can you tell that they’re looking for a relationship, do they tell you?

Ed: Yeah, yeah. Or they’ll just, like I had one where [the girl] assumed that it was a relationship because we hooked up once.

[She] just assumed that meant that suddenly you’re girlfriend and boyfriend and she just took it way too fast.

KB: And how did you let her know that wasn’t the case [that you weren’t really her boyfriend]?

Ed: I just told her.

KB: How did she take it?

Ed: Then she was like: “Well, can we still do that friends with benefits thing?” And I was like: “No, I don’t want to do that.” Like I said before, I don’t want to be that guy who is seen as using somebody and I also don’t want to have this turn into something where you get all crazy and weirded-out. What I was afraid of is if she was at the same party and she saw me talking to another girl and then she came up and made a big scene about it. That would be very awkward and embarrassing for everyone involved so that’s what I try to avoid.

[Emphasis added] [Senior, State University]

Many students suggested that women may be more likely to get

“emotionally involved” with a friends with benefits arrangement. Even Gloria, who suggested she was happy with her friends with benefits situation, admitted that her male friend is also “her territory.” In other words, Gloria’s female friends were not permitted to hook up with her particular male friend. Thus, for women, there is an emotional or terri-torial dimension that factors into friends with benefits arrangements.

KB: Are people that have a “friends with benefits” thing going, are they allowed to hook up with other people?

Violet: Yes.

KB: And does that ever create problems or issues? If you have . . .

a female friend that has a friend with benefits [arrangement]

and then she sees him hooking up with someone else, does that bother her?

Violet: I think it bothers girls more than boys. Because a male friend of mine has a girl [and] they were just friends [but] they 122

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would sleep together. And then he met somebody and she got very upset about it. And [she] was like: “What is he doing?” and I am like: “I thought you guys weren’t together?” and she’s like: “Oh no!” I think girls get more emotionally involved with it, even though they are [supposed to be just] friends. [Junior, State University]

Another pseudo-relationship a number of students talked about was “booty calls.” A booty call is a late-night phone call placed, often via cell phone, to an earlier hookup partner, inviting him or her over for another hookup encounter.

Kevin: My friend would always have . . . he would fool around with a girl, but then he always had this one [other girl] where . . .

what did we call her?

KB: Plan B?

Kevin: No, it’s his late-night call, no matter what. If he was going after some other girl all night, he could pick up the phone and call this girl and she would come over to his room.

KB: And sleep with him?

Kevin: [Yes] and sleep with him.

KB: Okay. You don’t remember what the term was that you called her?

Kevin: I want to say “late night . . .” [wait it’s] “booty call.” That’s your booty call! You pick up the phone and go: “Why don’t you come over?” and not even say sex or anything, just:

“Why don’t you come over.” She knows exactly what she’s coming over there to do. [Senior, Faith University]

KB: What does [booty call] mean?

Lisa: Like someone, well usually it occurs late at night when you’re, like everyone is usually drunk or whatever and someone calls you and [says] like: “Do you want to come over?” And you both know what’s going to happen. Like it’s usually a friend or something like that and they basically just want to hook up and that’s why they called you. Or com-puter IM’s [Instant Messenger], they happen now too.

KB: You [can] do a booty call over the IM? (Laughs) Lisa: Yeah. [Laughs] [Sophomore, State University]

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Students suggested that booty call partners often have an ongoing relationship, albeit not a romantic one.

KB: What about “booty call”? Does anyone use that term?

Brian: [Laughs] Definitely, definitely. I mean it’s just, you use it jokingly. Like my one friend this past weekend was like: “Oops, booty call” and then left [the place we were hanging out].

Like, but I mean he’s been hooking up with her for a while.

She’s a good friend of mine from home. So I guess everything there is cool. But, yeah, I mean you’re not really just like: “Oh, I got a booty call” and you leave and like come back an hour later. I mean if it’s a booty call, it’s usually someone you’re hooking up with for a while. It’s not just [at random]. [Sophomore, Faith University]

A very interesting gender dynamic occurs with regard to booty calls.

In this type of relationship, men often placed the call or sent the text message; women accepted their invitation.25 On the face of it, it would seem that such an invitation would not be particularly attractive to women. Booty calls were a man’s last-ditch effort to find someone to hook up with for the evening. The man was often drunk when he placed the call and the woman generally would have to walk or drive over to his place late at night by herself. This does not seem like a very appealing combination. Yet, the students said women often took men up on their