The Amish Teacher's Dilemma and Healing Their Amish Hearts Patricia Davids (best self help books to read TXT) 📖

the things I needed to do throughout the day and I lost that list five minutes after I rang the bell. I looked at all those faces waiting on me to do something and I panicked.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Eva I know.”

“Before the first hour was up, two of the boys were involved in a paper wad fight, Annabeth was crying because she didn’t want to be there and Sadie kept running into the room and barking at everyone.”

“Keeping the door shut might have kept the dog out.”

“Oh I tried that, but someone kept opening the door when my back was turned.”

Tears stung her eyes. “I thought I could do this. I thought it would be easy. School was always easy for me. I never had to struggle over a problem the way Otto has to struggle. I don’t know how to help him.”

“You help him just by caring about him.”

“I wanted all the children to love school the way I loved it.”

“I hate to say this but maybe it’s not about you.”

She turned to gape at him. “I was the only one at the front of the schoolroom. How can it not be about me?”

“Shouldn’t it be about your scholars? About what they need and not about what you used to do? Maybe your expectations were too high.”

She pushed back and began swinging. “Well, they’re not too high anymore. I’ll be thrilled if any of the parents let their children come back for a second day.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Every big change takes some getting used to.”

“I’m afraid I will give the children a disgust of education. I can imagine how the public school teachers will laugh at me when they hear about this. They go to four years of college or more to become teachers. I thought I could do it with a sharp pencil and a book of hymns.”

He started swinging back and forth. “Maybe you’re looking at teaching from the wrong angle.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What’s the big picture?”

“I want Otto to be able to read. I want Maddie to learn her letters and numbers. I want the Yoder twins to stop shooting paper wads at each other and the other children.”

“Those are all the little parts. You are looking at the cogs. You aren’t looking at the driveshaft.”

“Now you’re talking over my head. What is the driveshaft?” She had been afraid she couldn’t talk to him anymore but they were right back where they had been before the kiss. Or almost.

“A driveshaft is the big piece that turns all the small ones. Our Amish faith is the driveshaft. The Amish want to educate our children to be good stewards of the land and to care for each other. We want God first, family second and our community third. You need to look at your students in that light.”

She stopped swinging. “How do I become a driveshaft?”

He chuckled. “First, you need a backbone of steel. The driveshaft has to be strong or it breaks and the whole machine becomes useless.”

She wrapped her arms around the chains and rolled her eyes. “I can talk a good game but I’m not tough enough to say I have a backbone of steel.”

“You’re going to have to get one.”

“Do you have a spare in your junk pile?”

He stopped swinging. “If I did I would give it to you in a heartbeat. I’m afraid you’re going to have to forge your own. It takes heat, time and patience before metal can be shaped. I’m going to guess it takes the same thing to shape scholars. You can’t do it in one day. Just as I can’t turn out a horseshoe with a single mighty blow of my hammer. It takes a lot of small strikes in just the right places to bend steel. You didn’t have your iron hot enough today. It’s a mistake all new blacksmiths make.”

She drew a deep breath, buoyed by his words. “I’m going to find my list and stick to it tomorrow.”

He got out of the swing and stood in front of her. He leaned down and tapped one finger against her forehead. “The knowledge you need is already in here. Your list is a useless crutch that can blow away in the wind. Your scholars need to believe you know more than they do.” He stood up straight.

She nodded slowly. “I think you should be the teacher and I should go pound metal into crooked horseshoes.”

He laughed. “If I find a horse with a crooked hoof I will call on you.” He stopped laughing and grew somber. “Eva, about last night.”

“I was wondering when that would come up.”

“Can we forget it happened?”

“No.”

He arched one eyebrow. “That wasn’t the answer I had hoped for.”

“You shocked me beyond belief.”

“I shocked myself. I value you as a dear friend. You are an attractive woman and I got carried away. It won’t happen again. You’ve heard me say I don’t want to marry and that is true. I didn’t mean to give you false hope or treat you poorly.”

“Then I will say that I forgive you.”

“Danki. Good night, Teacher.”

“Good night.” Eva was sorry to see him leave. She sat on the swing until the moon began to rise. Somehow, everything seemed better when she could talk it over with Willis. He had quickly become important in her life. That one kiss had opened her eyes to what she wanted and it was much more than friendship. She wanted his love in return. Foolish or not, she wanted to be held in his arms and kissed without an apology to follow. Was it possible? Or would she be gone before that happened?

Chapter Fourteen

The next school day Eva faced the classroom with new determination as she kept Willis’s advice in mind. “Good morning, students.”

“Good morning, Teacher,” they said in unison.

“Let us stand and pray.” She bowed her head.

When she finished she smiled at the classes. “Yesterday wasn’t the best start to your new school year.