The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman Laurence Sterne (short novels to read .txt) 📖

moral honesty, yet were we to look into the grounds of it, in the present case, I am persuaded we should find little reason to envy such a one the honour of his motive.

“Let him declaim as pompously as he chooses upon the subject, it will be found to rest upon no better foundation than either his interest, his pride, his ease, or some such little and changeable passion as will give us but small dependence upon his actions in matters of great distress.

“I will illustrate this by an example.

“I know the banker I deal with, or the physician I usually call in”⁠—[There is no need, cried Dr. Slop (waking), to call in any physician in this case]⁠⸺“to be neither of them men of much religion: I hear them make a jest of it every day, and treat all its sanctions with so much scorn, as to put the matter past doubt. Well;⁠—notwithstanding this, I put my fortune into the hands of the one:⁠—and what is dearer still to me, I trust my life to the honest skill of the other.

“Now let me examine what is my reason for this great confidence. Why, in the first place, I believe there is no probability that either of them will employ the power I put into their hands to my disadvantage;⁠—I consider that honesty serves the purposes of this life:⁠—I know their success in the world depends upon the fairness of their characters.⁠—In a word, I’m persuaded that they cannot hurt me without hurting themselves more.

“But put it otherwise, namely, that interest lay, for once, on the other side; that a case should happen, wherein the one, without stain to his reputation, could secrete my fortune, and leave me naked in the world;⁠—or that the other could send me out of it, and enjoy an estate by my death, without dishonour to himself or his art:⁠—In this case, what hold have I of either of them?⁠—Religion, the strongest of all motives, is out of the question;⁠—Interest, the next most powerful motive in the world, is strongly against me:⁠⸻What have I left to cast into the opposite scale to balance this temptation?⁠⸻Alas! I have nothing,⁠⸺⁠nothing but what is lighter than a bubble⁠⸻I must lie at the mercy of Honour, or some such capricious principle⁠—Strait security for two of the most valuable blessings!⁠—my property and myself.

“As, therefore, we can have no dependence upon morality without religion;⁠—so, on the other hand, there is nothing better to be expected from religion without morality; nevertheless, ’tis no prodigy to see a man whose real moral character stands very low, who yet entertains the highest notion of himself in the light of a religious man.

“He shall not only be covetous, revengeful, implacable,⁠—but even wanting in points of common honesty; yet inasmuch as he talks aloud against the infidelity of the age,⁠⸺⁠is zealous for some points of religion,⁠⸺⁠goes twice a day to church,⁠—attends the sacraments,⁠—and amuses himself with a few instrumental parts of religion,⁠—shall cheat his conscience into a judgment, that, for this, he is a religious man, and has discharged truly his duty to God: And you will find such a man, through force of this delusion, generally looks down with spiritual pride upon every other man who has less affectation of piety,⁠—though, perhaps, ten times more real honesty than himself.

“This likewise is a sore evil under the sun; and I believe, there is no one mistaken principle, which, for its time, has wrought more serious mischiefs.⁠⸻For a general proof of this,⁠—examine the history of the Romish church;”⁠—[Well, what can you make of that? cried Dr. Slop]⁠—“see what scenes of cruelty, murder, rapine, bloodshed,”⁠⸺[They may thank their own obstinacy, cried Dr. Slop]⁠⸺“have all been sanctified by a religion not strictly governed by morality.

“In how many kingdoms of the world”⁠—[Here Trim kept waving his right hand from the sermon to the extent of his arm, returning it backwards and forwards to the conclusion of the paragraph.]

“In how many kingdoms of the world has the crusading sword of this misguided saint-errant, spared neither age nor merit, or sex, or condition?⁠—and, as he fought under the banners of a religion which set him loose from justice and humanity, he showed none; mercilessly trampled upon both,⁠—heard neither the cries of the unfortunate, nor pitied their distresses.”

[I have been in many a battle, an’ please your Honour, quoth Trim, sighing, but never in so melancholy a one as this,⁠—I would not have drawn a tricker in it against these poor souls,⁠⸺⁠to have been made a general officer.⁠⸺⁠Why? what do you understand of the affair? said Dr. Slop, looking towards Trim, with something more of contempt than the Corporal’s honest heart deserved.⁠⸺⁠What do you know, friend, about this battle you talk of?⁠—I know, replied Trim, that I never refused quarter in my life to any man who cried out for it;⁠⸺⁠but to a woman or a child, continued Trim, before I would level my musket at them, I would lose my life a thousand times.⁠⸺⁠Here’s a crown for thee, Trim, to drink with Obadiah tonight, quoth my uncle Toby, and I’ll give Obadiah another too.⁠—God bless your Honour, replied Trim,⁠⸺⁠I had rather these poor women and children had it.⁠⸺⁠Thou art an honest fellow, quoth my uncle Toby.⁠⸺⁠My father nodded his head, as much as to say,⁠—and so he is.⁠⸺⁠

But prithee, Trim, said my father, make an end,⁠—for I see thou hast but a leaf or two left.

Corporal Trim read on.]

“If the testimony of past centuries in this matter is not sufficient,⁠—consider at this instant, how the votaries of that religion are every day thinking to do service and honour to God, by actions which are a dishonour and scandal to themselves.

“To be convinced of this, go with me for a moment into the prisons of the Inquisition.”⁠—[God help my poor brother Tom.]⁠—“Behold Religion, with Mercy and Justice chained down under her feet,⁠⸺⁠there sitting ghastly upon a black tribunal, propped up with racks and instruments of torment. Hark!⁠—hark! what a piteous groan!”⁠—[Here Trim’s face turned as pale as ashes.]⁠⸺“See the melancholy wretch who uttered it”⁠—[Here the tears began to trickle down.]⁠⸺“just brought