Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life Jason Goodwin (free ebook novel .TXT) 📖

abuse, extreme emotional “ups” and “downs,” guilt, shame,fear, mistrust, poor self-care, feelings of powerlessness, deepfeelings of pain and grief, a distorted body image, overeating,under-eating, anger at God, and feelings of hopelessness. Sexualabuse creates a lot of wreckage in our lives.

Maybe our goal is to feel better. Maybe wewant to be able to choose healthier relationships. Perhaps westrive to become more stable and reliable at work. Some of us wantto stop experiencing flashbacks or nightmares about the abuse. Wemay be killing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, or endangering ourhealth with risky sexual behaviors. Whatever our motivation, it iscritically important that we set clear, realistic goals for ourrecovery.

This book covers many of the issues westruggle with as survivors of sexual abuse, and while it isimportant to heal all of our issues eventually, we need to take ourprocess at a reasonable pace to avoid getting overwhelmed. Havingthe patience to heal requires an unwavering commitment to thebetterment our lives.

Every goal is attainable as long as it isrealistic. The key to goal attainment is perseverance. We cannotafford to give up on our goals, because we cannot afford to give upon ourselves. We deserve better.

Healing sexual abuse operates on the conceptof merit-based pay. We only get what we work for. There is no magicwand, and if we play a waiting game with these issues, we may findourselves on our deathbeds some day with all of these problemsstill intact. I try to imagine the issues of sexual abuse as a sackof garbage we are carrying around with us. Until we finally chooseto put it down and empty it out, that sack continues to fill. Whenit gets too heavy, we can’t lift it anymore, and we break downemotionally.

Dumping my emotional garbage is the bestfeeling I’ve ever had. To be able to get through the day feelingrelatively carefree is an amazing gift. But it can only happen ifwe continually work to release our negative feelings. When we stopworking our process, the garbage of our issues begins to refillthat bag.

I want you to look honestly at your life andtry to identify if there are ways the abuse of your past stillaffects your life today. I want you to come up with goals for yourrecovery process. I want you to make a commitment that you willnever give up. The goals we set for ourselves are the path we takeout of despair and into a better future.

Exercise2-1

Setting Goals

-After reading the example on the followingpage, set at least 5 goals for your healing process. Possibilitiesmight include having healthier relationships, going back to school,quitting an addiction, or improving your self-esteem. Try to expandeach of the goals you set for yourself by answering the followingquestions.

1. What is my goal?

2. How would my life change if I were toaccomplish this goal?

3. Is this goal realistic? Do I have areasonable chance of success?

4. What are the steps I must take in order tobring this goal to fruition? (Think through every step you willneed to take on your path to success.)

5. What are some of the things that mightfrustrate my attempts to reach my goal? (Think about obstacles orproblems that may hinder your progress while you try to make thisgoal a reality.)

6. How much time will it realistically taketo accomplish my goal? (Goals usually take longer than we thinkthey will.)

7. How much money will it realistically taketo accomplish my goal? (Goals often cost more money than we thinkthey will.)

8. What kind of effort, patience, andpersistence must I exhibit to accomplish my goal?

9. Can I make a commitment to followingthrough with my goal, regardless of the obstacles or frustrations Iwill likely experience?

Example of a Goal-SettingExercise:

What follows below is an overly ambitiousexample, but I hope it gives you an idea of how to break down ourgoals into simple tasks we can accomplish on a daily basis. Aseverely depressed person might answer the above questions in thefollowing way.

1. My goal is to feel less depressed.

2. I would take better care of myself, makenew friends, and get out more. I would feel happier, moreproductive, lose or gain weight, have a cleaner house, and feelincreasingly motivated to succeed.

3. This is a realistic goal if I am willingto take better care of myself, exercise, work on positive thinking,become more socially active, take antidepressant medication, andpursue therapy.

4. Day one: I will set my alarm and get outof bed by 9:00 a.m. I will take a shower, comb my hair, change myclothes, and make myself look nice instead of sleeping in or mopingaround the house. I will take my dog for a walk and get out intothe sunlight. When I get back, I will look in the yellow pages fora place to exercise.

Day two: I will set my alarm and get out ofbed by 9:00 a.m. I will do all the things I did yesterday. I willalso call a gym about the cost of membership and visit thatfacility to pay my fees or determine how much money I will need tosave. I will find a time that works for my schedule and startworking out as soon as possible.

Day three: I will get out of bed by 9:00 a.m.and do all the things I did for the past two days. Additionally, Iwill make a trip to the bookstore to purchase a book on positivethinking, such as The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman VincentPeale. I will set myself a goal of reading one chapter every daybefore I go to work.

Day four: I will get out of bed by 9:00 a.m.and continue to do all the things I have been doing to staypositive. I will contact a doctor or psychiatrist to get ascreening for depression. I will also contact someone I haven’tspoken to for a while and go out for dinner.

Day five: I will get out of bed by 9:00 a.m.and continue to do all the things I have been doing to staypositive. Additionally, I will follow through on my appointmentwith my doctor or psychiatrist and try a few differentantidepressant medications to determine which one does the best jobof lowering my depression. I will continue to