Mister West R.J. Lewis (macos ebook reader txt) 📖

thinking of you. As wrong as it was, God help me, it’s the truth.”

I let his words soak in. I stare at him, unsure why I feel like I want to cry.

“I’m all twisted up, Ivy,” he continues, voice straining. “I can’t describe this feeling.”

“What are you feeling?”

“Tortured anguish.” He looks harder at me. “Tell me. Tell me if he’s touched you since we’ve been talking.”

I shake my head. “No, Aidan, he hasn’t. We haven’t –”

“Don’t sleep with him,” he demands.

“We’re not…we’re not even sharing the same bed, Aidan. I told him it’s over. I tried ending it weeks ago…”

“Tried?”

“He won’t let me talk to him.”

“Just leave.”

“And I will –”

“I want to do this right. I’ve waited so long, Ivy. I want you out. Come stay with me.”

Stay with him? What does he mean by that? He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He can’t be serious, and I can’t do that either.

“No, Aidan, I can’t do that,” I tell him.

“Why?”

“I just can’t!”

“Is it pride?”

“No.”

“You might regret leaving?”

“No!”

“Then come home with me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying –”

“What if I do?”

“Aidan, stop.”

He turns away from me and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. He won’t look at me. I come up behind him.

“Aidan...”

He digs his key out of his pocket and presses a button. The car roars to life. I hurry to him before he gets in.

I grab his arm. “Aidan, wait.”

He doesn’t answer. He just turns his head to look down at me, waiting. But I don’t even know what I want to say. My mouth is open, but no words are coming out. In response, he stiffens a nod and I let go.

He slips into the car and waits for me. The heater is already blasting when I get in. I’m a drenched mess and I’m leaving a puddle in my seat. I feel awkward, like I should say something, but Aidan is already driving and won’t look at me. My body is turned in his direction, my eyes are on his profile. I’m begging for a look – a quick glance – anything to ease this growing tension.

I feel like I’ve fucked up. Like this is my fault. I shouldn’t have come out with him. I shouldn’t be talking to him at all. Not while I have all this mess around me to clean up. He deserves better. Maybe he’s realizing that. My heart dips in my chest.

“Don’t be upset with me,” I plead, and the words are falling from my mouth. “Please, Aidan. I can’t bear it. Don’t stop talking to me. Please. It’s all that keeps me going sometimes.”

He pulls over on the side of the road straight away.

“Hey,” he says sweetly, grabbing my arm. He pulls me to him. I crawl into his lap, wrapped in his arms. I bury my face in his soaked shirt so he doesn’t see the panic on my face.

“Hey,” he repeats, running a hand down my side. “Nothing changes, Ivy. I’m waiting, alright? I’m here.”

“I don’t want you to disappear,” I beg. “Don’t disappear on me after this –”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I fucked up.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did. This is my fault.”

“It’s not.”

“I can’t help myself, Aidan. I like you, too. I really do.”

“Shh.”

He slides the seat back even more, giving me more space so I’m not hitting the steering wheel. He holds me tightly. I feel relief. His warmth seeps into my bones. I sag against him, shutting my eyes. His scent is all around me. I turn my face so that it’s buried in his neck. I lay a kiss along his neck, another along his jaw. Aidan stiffens, holding me tighter.

“Ivy…” He sounds pained.

I pull back to look at him. “You don’t want me to kiss you?”

He swallows hard. “You know I do.”

I lay a chaste kiss on his lips, nearly groaning at how soft they are.

“You said you wanted to taste my lips,” I tell him, hovering near his mouth, staring into his eyes.

His chest sinks as he stares back. I’ve never seen hunger like this before.

“Of course I do,” he whispers urgently. “I want nothing more.”

I lay another kiss on his lips and he shakes his head. “Ivy…”

"Want me, Aidan."

"I do. I want you badly, Ivy. I want everything you are...Fuck."

His strength is waning. I kiss him a few more times, feeling his shuddering breaths escape; I murmur his name, and it sounds like a moan tearing from my throat, and then something in his eyes snap. He balls his hand into my hair, gripping it tight and pulls me away from his face. At any second he’s going to smash his mouth against mine. He’s going to consume me with his mouth and I’m going to be trembling in his lap, begging him to keep going.

Instead, he shakes, keeping me at a distance.

“No, Ivy, no.”

“Why?”

“You told me you were counting on me to be the strong one.”

I groan and shake my head. “I didn’t mean it like that –”

“You meant it exactly like that.”

I shake my head again. I want him so bad. I want him to kiss me so bad, but… he’s right. We can’t jump into this. He lets go of my hair and I drop my head. Our foreheads touch. He strokes my back, holding me, reassuring me.

“You need to get out of there,” he says quietly. “You’re off-limits, Ivy.”

“It’s not that easy to get away…”

“I know.”

“The lease is in my name, Aidan. I can’t turn him out, either. He has nowhere to go, and…I’m scared he’s in denial.”

He searches my eyes. “Do you think you’re creating these obstacles, Ivy?”

“But they feel like huge obstacles. I’m not made of money.”

“If it’s a matter of money –”

I lay my hand over his mouth, silencing him. “No. I could never accept. Don’t even offer that. I have to do this the right way…on my own. I can’t leave him hanging. I don’t want to leave him worse off.”

He takes my hand and moves it away from his mouth. “Doesn’t he deserve