Mister West R.J. Lewis (macos ebook reader txt) 📖

pocket and call Ruth. It’s late, but I need her.

“Aidan,” she says. Her voice sounds tired and old. So old.

“Granny,” I breathe out.

She goes quiet. I don’t call her that. I never do. The only time I ever did was when I needed her. When I needed someone to talk me off the ledge.

“You’re alright,” she soothes. “My wonderful, smart, handsome boy.”

I drop my face to the steering wheel, choking back a flood of emotion.

“You’re not going back,” she consoles me. “You’ve done so well, my boy. Keep going.”

“I can’t…” I let out.

“You can. You will.”

“What if I go back?”

“You will never go back.”

I take deep breaths, listening to her. Her voice. Her words. She talks me off the ledge. She brings me back down to earth every time.

“My sweet boy,” she carries on. “I love you. We love you.”

She repeats this.

I love you, Aidan.

We love you.

My sweet, handsome boy.

Seventeen

Ivy

The next day, I show up to work tired, brain aching, eyes puffy from lack of sleep. Aidan and I didn’t leave on a bad note. Not at all. But I’m messed up about it.

I’m one minute and thirty-seven seconds late and I give Connie a hard look, daring her with my eyes to rip me to shreds about it. She doesn’t. Wise woman.

I dump my shit in the backroom and ignore everyone – they’re all watching me with weird smiles – as I make my way to my station, latte in hand. I have a client in ten minutes, and I need to get some caffeine in me before I start breathing out fire.

I come to a sudden stop, feet from the mirror and floating desk. Sitting pretty on top of the desk is my iPad I left in Aidan's car, and a vase of purple orchids. There’s a note resting against the vase. My heart beats hard as I take it and open it.

I like you, Ivy Montcalm. I like you a lot. I like you so much it burns like fire in my chest.

You gave me the best night I’ve had in years. You grace me with your company, and I feel undeserving of it. You called me strong last night, but that’s only because you don’t know how weak I am for you.

Do you want to know how much I think of you? The answer would scare you. Do you want to know how badly I wanted to kiss you? I spent the entire night beating myself up for pushing you away when all I wanted to do was bring you close to me. Did you feel how tight I held you? That was my need pouring out of me. The slightest graze of your skin against mine sends my pulse into overdrive. I yearn for those touches and it terrifies me, Ivy. It terrifies me, this unknown. Wade through it with me. I wasn’t talking in jest when I asked you to guide me. Guide me so that I won’t let you down. Guide me so that I may do this the right way.

Vibrant and alluring, these purple orchids remind me of you.

I hope they bring a little joy to your day.

-Sir (because there will come a day you call me that, I promise you)

I close the note and slide it in my pocket, smiling.

*

“I don’t know why you’re holding back,” Ana tells me over the phone. “It sounded like a hot ass night. You could have been making out in the rain under a tree, Ivy.”

I dry the last of the dishes, grinning. “I came so close.”

“You gotta really learn to live in the moment.”

“I did the right thing.”

“I disagree. You’re not bound to Derek and your mom isn't stalking you to know what you're up to."

"You never know."

"Haha," she sarcastically says. "I bet Derek's not even there, right?”

I glance around the empty apartment. “He’s out.”

“When was the last time you even saw him?”

I think on that. “Like…four days ago.”

“Has he even come home?”

“No. He’s gone AWOL.” Which is fine. It’s made being in the apartment bearable. I do wonder where he is, though.

“He’s probably banging some girl.”

I walk to the couch and collapse into it. “Probably.”

“Does that bother you?”

I mull that over. “No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don’t know, Ana. I feel…strangely okay with everything.”

She lets out a relieved breath. “Good.” Then she adds, “So, in all seriousness, what are you waiting for?”

I don’t answer straight away. “I need Derek to look me in the eye and agree that we’re finished. Otherwise, this doesn’t feel right.”

“But him being gone for four days is sort of self-explanatory, don’t you think?”

“Yeah…” I run a hand over my face, feeling so confused.

"I just don't think Derek is the reason you're holding back. I think you're using him as one."

I sigh slowly. "I know. I'm not making sense."

She senses my conflict. “Look, you’ll know when you’re ready, right? Maybe that’s what it is. You’re just not ready.”

“He asked me if I thought I was creating obstacles for leaving Derek.”

“West said that?”

“Yeah, in the car, when I was on his lap.”

“So hot,” she groans. “And do you think you are?”

“I think…” I pause. “Despite what you and Aidan say, I think my obstacles are legit. I can’t just up and leave. I can’t…you know, I’ve got everything in my name here, too, and…it’s a one bedroom, how is he going to find a roommate who will want to crash in one room with him, right?”

She makes a sound like she doesn’t really agree with me, but she isn’t going to vocalize it. It’s all a mess, and I’m scarily noticing how unsound my reasoning is. I know I'm not confronting the real issues under the surface.

“I really like the note he left you,” Ana then says, changing the subject.

I relax. “Isn’t he amazing?”

“He is really into you, Ivy.”

I smile, tempted to read it out loud to her again. The note is in my pocket. I’ve been lightly running my fingers over it for