Deep River Promise Jackie Ashenden (best life changing books .txt) 📖

“I know what it’s not. Look, if one night was enough for you, then I understand. I just thought…well…”

Of course she’d thought that. She had no reason not to, especially as he hadn’t given her one. But…regret filled him.

He couldn’t sleep with her again, even though she wanted it and so did he—quite desperately. Even though refusing her would hurt her. He wasn’t going to mess around with her feelings just because his body wanted hers; that would make him no better than that asshole Aiden and he couldn’t stand that.

“It’s not that it was enough for me.” He let her see what was in his eyes. “It wasn’t. But last night…it was more than good, Astrid. It was special. And I don’t think special is what either of us want.”

Her mouth opened, then closed. Then she looked away. “No. I suppose not.”

Disappointment laced her voice, and it caught at him in ways he wasn’t expecting. He wasn’t supposed to care about this. And yet he was, and it shouldn’t be happening.

Living a surface life meant not caring too deeply, or at least not so deeply that it caused pain, yet he could feel her disappointment echoing in his own heart. Making him ache.

It was the phantom pain of an organ long dead, though. Her feelings might be engaged, but his weren’t, and that was why he needed to end this and fast. Disappointment he could recover from, but anything else took far longer, and he didn’t want to let it get to that stage.

“Don’t make this into something it’s not, Ms. Mayor,” he said quietly.

Her jaw tightened. “I only asked if you wanted to go upstairs. How is that making it into something it isn’t?”

“The look on your face when I said no.”

“It was only a question.” Her voice had cooled, the snow queen returning. “If you don’t want to, you don’t want to.”

He shouldn’t keep trying to explain himself, shouldn’t turn this into a big deal. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to ease it for her. Her history of men rejecting her had been an awful one, and he didn’t want to be just another in a long line of assholes.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Astrid. I just think this will be easier on both of us if we end it now.”

Her beautiful gray eyes turned chilly. “You’re assuming it’s something and it isn’t. It’s just sex.” The dismissal in her tone might have worked if she hadn’t glanced away again, as if she couldn’t meet his gaze. “Anyway, it’s not like I don’t have anything better to do.”

“Astrid,” he began.

“It’s fine,” she said before he could continue. “I’ll see you around, Damon.”

Then she turned and left him standing there.

* * *

Much later that afternoon, Astrid stood in the little Deep River library reshelving books when Connor came in. He was frowning, though not in an angry way, more as if he had a lot to think about.

She hadn’t had a chance to talk to him today about how his conversation with Damon had gone or about school, since in typical teenage fashion he hadn’t gotten out of bed until noon. By which time she’d been talking to Mal about some issues with the food co-op, and then she’d had that meeting with Silas and Damon.

Putting the armful of books she was carrying down on the library cart, she opened her mouth to speak, but he got in first.

“Mom,” he said, still frowning, “I think I agree with Damon. I like the cruise ship option that Sandy was talking about with him. We should definitely be investigating that, and then we really need to be talking to Harry about—”

“Connor,” Astrid interrupted, raising her hands in a stop motion. “Slow down. What’s all this about?”

Connor came over to the library cart and poked at the books on it. “Damon came to see me and told me about the meeting you had with him and Silas.” He glanced up at her. “He told you about our deal last night, right?”

Astrid’s heart gave a small throb. Damon had been as good as his word. He’d included Connor in the plans for Deep River.

Did you doubt that he would?

Maybe. Just a little bit. But now the last shred of her doubt had gone.

“Oh,” she said, trying to disguise the husk in her voice. “Yes, that’s right. He did.”

“So this deal.” Connor idly kicked at one of the cart’s big rubber wheels. “I’d go to school and he’d tell me what was going on with the oil stuff. And he’d tell Silas and whoever if I had any concerns.”

This was important to Connor, she could see it in the earnest gleam in his blue eyes. It mattered that Damon had included him and that his opinions were being taken seriously. It was all about respect. And that was something that Aiden, for all that he’d been good to Connor, hadn’t had.

Aiden wouldn’t have respected Connor in this way, as an individual. No, as Damon had pointed out, Aiden would have viewed Connor as his property. And if he hadn’t respected her—and he hadn’t—then he certainly wouldn’t have respected her son.

“You absolutely did the right thing…”

Damon had been so sure the night before; there had been no doubt in him, though a piece of her had still wondered. Yet it came to her, all of a sudden, that she didn’t think that now. Looking at Connor, at his serious, earnest face, at the way he carried himself, not as if he were carrying the whole burden himself but as if he’d been given a part of it and that part was an honor…

Yes, she had done the right thing taking him away from Aiden and bringing him here to Deep River. To a place where he was safe and where he’d learned responsibility, to be part of a community, a help and a support to others.

One day, he’d make a great mayor.

“Mom?” Connor’s frown deepened. “Are