Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell (read novel full TXT) 📖

the clock-case. `I remember

‘avin’ a look at the moon through that big telescope. I was never so

surprised in me life: you can see it quite plain, and it’s round!’

 

`Round?’ said Didlum with a puzzled look. `Round? Of course it’s

round! You didn’t used to think it was square, did yer?’

 

`No, of course not, but I always used to think it was flat - like a

plate, but it’s round like a football.’

 

`Certainly: the moon is a very simler body to the earth,’ explained

Didlum, describing an aerial circle with a wave of his hand. They

moves through the air together, but the earth is always nearest to the

sun and consequently once a fortnight the shadder of the earth falls

on the moon and darkens it so that it’s invisible to the naked eye.

The new moon is caused by the moon movin’ a little bit out of the

earth’s shadder, and it keeps on comin’ more and more until we gets

the full moon; and then it goes back again into the shadder; and so it

keeps on.’

 

For about a minute everyone looked very solemn, and the profound

silence was disturbed only the the crunching of the biscuits between

the jaws of Mr Bosher, and by certain gurglings in the interior of

that gentleman.

 

`Science is a wonderful thing,’ said Mr Sweater at length, wagging his

head gravely, `wonderful!’

 

`Yes: but a lot of it is mere theory, you know,’ observed Rushton.

`Take this idear that the world is round, for instance; I fail to see

it! And then they say as Hawstralia is on the other side of the

globe, underneath our feet. In my opinion it’s ridiculous, because if

it was true, wot’s to prevent the people droppin’ orf?’

 

`Yes: well, of course it’s very strange,’ admitted Sweater. `I’ve

often thought of that myself. If it was true, we ought to be able to

walk on the ceiling of this room, for instance; but of course we know

that’s impossible, and I really don’t see that the other is any more

reasonable.’

 

`I’ve often noticed flies walkin’ on the ceilin’,’ remarked Didlum,

who felt called upon to defend the globular theory.

 

`Yes; but they’re different,’ replied Rushton. `Flies is provided by

nature with a gluey substance which oozes out of their feet for the

purpose of enabling them to walk upside down.’

 

`There’s one thing that seems to me to finish that idear once for

all,’ said Grinder, `and that is - water always finds its own level.

You can’t get away from that; and if the world was round, as they want

us to believe, all the water would run off except just a little at the

top. To my mind, that settles the whole argymint.’

 

`Another thing that gets over me,’ continued Rushton, `is this:

according to science, the earth turns round on its axle at the rate of

twenty miles a minit. Well, what about when a lark goes up in the sky

and stays there about a quarter of an hour? Why, if it was true that

the earth was turnin’ round at that rate all the time, when the bird

came down it would find itself ‘undreds of miles away from the place

where it went up from! But that doesn’t ‘appen at all; the bird

always comes down in the same spot.’

 

`Yes, and the same thing applies to balloons and flyin’ machines,’

said Grinder. `If it was true that the world is spinnin’ round on its

axle so quick as that, if a man started out from Calais to fly to

Dover, by the time he got to England he’d find ‘imself in North

America, or p’r’aps farther off still.’

 

`And if it was true that the world goes round the sun at the rate they

makes out, when a balloon went up, the earth would run away from it!

They’d never be able to get back again!’ remarked Rushton.

 

This was so obvious that nearly everyone said there was probably

something in it, and Didlum could think of no reply. Mr Bosher upon

being appealed to for his opinion, explained that science was alright

in its way, but unreliable: the things scientists said yesterday they

contradicted today, and what they said today they would probably

repudiate tomorrow. It was necessary to be very cautious before

accepting any of their assertions.

 

`Talking about science,’ said Grinder, as the holy man relapsed into

silence and started on another biscuit and a fresh cup of tea.

`Talking about science reminds me of a conversation I ‘ad with Dr

Weakling the other day. You know, he believes we’re all descended

from monkeys.’

 

Everyone laughed; the thing was so absurd: the idea of placing

intellectual beings on a level with animals!

 

`But just wait till you hear how nicely I flattened ‘im out,’

continued Grinder. `After we’d been arguin’ a long time about wot ‘e

called everlution or some sich name, and a lot more tommy-rot that I

couldn’t make no ‘ead or tail of - and to tell you the truth I don’t

believe ‘e understood ‘arf of it ‘imself - I ses to ‘im, “Well,” I

ses, “if it’s true that we’re hall descended from monkeys,” I ses, “I

think your famly must ‘ave left orf where mine begun.”’

 

In the midst of the laughter that greeted the conclusion of Grinder’s

story it was seen that Mr Bosher had become black in the face. He was

waving his arms and writhing about like one in a fit, his goggle eyes

bursting from their sockets, whilst his huge stomach quivering

spasmodically, alternately contracted and expanded as if it were about

to explode.

 

In the exuberance of his mirth, the unfortunate disciple had swallowed

two biscuits at once. Everybody rushed to his assistance, Grinder and

Didlum seized an arm and a shoulder each and forced his head down.

Rushton punched him in the back and the ladies shrieked with alarm.

They gave him a big drink of tea to help to get the biscuits down, and

when he at last succeeded in swallowing them he sat in the armchair

with his eyes red-rimmed and full of tears, which ran down over his

white, flabby face.

 

The arrival of the other members of the committee put an end to the

interesting discussion, and they shortly afterwards proceeded with the

business for which the meeting had been called - the arrangements for

the forthcoming Rummage Sale.