My feet hit the ground as quick as a deers and silent as a panthers. Trees flashed by along with cabins and people I knew. I was running from the darkness. The darkness that was overcoming my sector. Then the first scream breaks out. It stops and everything is eerily quiet for a few seconds and then a chorus of screams break out. I can pick out the screams of the people I know. I choke back my own scream as I hear children shrieking and crying in terror. I skid to a halt and turn back. As soon as I do the darkness overcomes me, black as pitch. The screaming stops and it's quiet once more.
I stumble over something warm and twitching. A body. I look down forgetting that I can't see. Nothing. Just darkness. I stumble around trying to find someone who is alive. Then something catches my attention. A light flickers close to where my hand is. I lift up my hand and will the light to flicker again. To my surprise my finger lights up with a white-hot flame.

A prognosis of six months to live turns out to be a gift. In this memoir, Muriel Vasconcellos tells the story leading up to the news that her breast cancer has spread and takes the reader on the path that eventually leads her to health and peace of mind. Thirty years later, she has outlived the doctors who believed she was about to die.

The memoir focuses on a 20-year arc in the author's life with flashbacks to a tragedy in her childhood that left her with lifelong corrosive guilt and to a deeply painful experience as a young adult that has haunted her with remorse.

She eventually finds love and happiness when she meets her soul mate, Sylvio. Their life together is magic - a true love story. His unconditional support infuses her with confidence and self-trust. They have six happy years together - until she finds a lump in her breast and learns that she has cancer. Just when they think they have overcome this hurdle, life turns dark again: Sylvio asks her to take him to the Emergency Room, and he never comes home. As he struggles to die, he begs her to help him make his passage. The doctors agree to withdraw life support, but she cannot come to terms with the decision. Soon afterwards, she is told that cancer has spread to her bones. Unremitting pain, both physical and psychological, sends her to the depth of despair, where she seeks to end her life.

Instead, something shifts inside and she embarks on a courageous quest for health that includes not only her body but also her psyche and spirit. She releases the limiting beliefs and self-punishing thoughts that have trapped her for most of her life and discovers that all aspects of her being are a single tapestry; when one part heals, so do the others. Her pain disappears and her medical tests stabilize. New insights constantly expand her awareness and understanding. They always seem to appear at the moment she is ready.

As she continues her journey, she has her third bout with cancer. This time she has the understanding and tools to walk away from conventional treatment and practice gentle approaches to becoming and staying well. In the end, she finds deep inner joy and serenity - her invincible summer.

"I look at you with my dark, dark eyes.
You' re looking back, back to the fireflies.
They are whirring around my soul.
I know they can't reach the hole,
the hole in my heart.
There' s no more reason to begin a start."

Dear Diary

It is an awful game to play

to go anyway for this love

to this wonderful beloved guy

he always wears an iron glove

***

Love is a fucking game, I guess. Inside this book is a poem to show, how it hurts.

a pendent??? why not a pendent????

I am Ruby Mayfield. A freshman at a small high school in Dayton, Ohio. Something weird is going on. I found this excerpt from some old book in my attic, and ever since I found it, I've been... different.

Soon to be part of a series of books.

*IN PROGRESS*

--

In Delusional, Ruby J. Mayfield experiences an awful fright. She hallucinates all of the time. It draws her family and friends farther and farther away from her, and gives the town a terrible image of her. Thinking she's schizophrenic, and the like.
Eventually, she discovers a power that most would believe to be a great blessing, at first thought. She learns she is able to see the dead, to an extent. But she soon finds it to be a curse, even after enjoying her ability...