Streams of thoughts... by L. R. Garrison (best e book reader .txt) 📖

puppet whose strings are being pulled?

Would you act like what is being said is nonsense and go back to living your life, absorbing everthing that you see and hear as the truth, never questioning anything?


June 26, 2008
The Vicious Cycle


It's that thing where someone does something to you because it's been done to them and

It's that thing where you see yourself doing what someone has already done to you and

It's that thing where you do something and it comes back to you.


The Vicious Cycle is repeating the same mistakes

Not learning from your past

Taking something new and putting old into it

Not letting go of your past.


This Vicious Cycle is what corrupts society

What destroys relationships

Is fueled by negativity and insecurity

It is what corrupts you and me.


So let go

We can't take back our pasts

So let go

With every passing second the world has changed

So let it go

And if you want to hold on to the Vicious Cycle

Then use it to better yourself

Remember what goes around comes around.


May 25, 2008
Bona Fide...


An open field.

The grass is a lush green.

Fresh blades cut through the air.

Multitudes of flora stretch across the field swaying back and forth as the wind pushes forward creating an ephemeral essence that cannot be bottled.


The sky is a brilliant ocean blue as vivid in color as it is leaving the stroke of a paintbrush handled by Botticelli, Venus to Vulcan, beauty to my fire.

And the sun glistens as a leather shoe does after it has been polished, hitting the flowers, causing them to widen as it reflects back into the sky, passing at lightning speed, your arrow to my heart.


As the birds fly across the sky it seems in a never-ending glide just above the horizon, so to does my love soar…above valleys and mountains, never descending, prepared to elevate at a moments notice.


Floating on the same cloud,

We are together,

Peering up at the blue sky.


April 10, 2008
Local Celebrity...


It must be fame...

Because it seems in almost every conversation you find a reason to bring up my name.


It seems like I’m the new local celebrity…

Because everybody wants to know about everything that goes on in my life.


I’m the It girl…

Because every time I turn around, there you go, except not snapping photos, but going around speaking as if you write for the Inquirer.


It must be that star status…

Because you don’t even know anything about me, and yet you talk about me like you have known me my entire life.


Is it my illustriousness that causes you to hate?

Is it the reason why you believe that I’m not good enough, smart enough, not attractive, not sorority material enough to hold my position????


I don’t dress feminine enough for you? I don’t kiss @ss enough like you? Is it because I’m not in the same clique as you? Or do you hate on me because we don’t share the same characteristics, mindless and ignorant? Or maybe I’m not straight enough for you?


I’ll let you keep making me famous…

Because while you’re busy talking about me, being miserable and unhappy about yourself, I’m going to keep being me.


February 25, 2008
Lost and Found


Have you ever felt something for someone that there are no words that could express that feeling? And you feel like you've been knocked back ten or twenty years to those days of elementary.


I think love is like that. The emotion is there, and there are no words to explain it. It begins young and it matures; yet it never ends. And just when you think you are too old for something, you find out that you are still young. Love to me was like a battle I could not win. But I never lost. It has always been inside me and will remain. Like one of the greatest treasures ever buried, and even riskier to excavate, I just needed someone to help me find it again…


February 23, 2008
~X-tasy~


I wake up every morning thinking about…

I walk around all day fantasizing about…

I go to sleep at night dreaming about…

X.

Some days I feel like I cannot go without

X.

And I cannot be satisfied until I get that…

Fix.

It's like how a pregnant woman craves,

Or how an addict feans.

X is my drug.

~X-tasy~


When I get my fill…

I feel, high…

High as a kite, warm…

Fuzzy, floating among…

The clouds, been up so long,

So long, that I don't want to come down…

Come down, down, go down…

But when I do, I feel just as I did…

Flying up, high, so high that I

Fall into a trance, that only

My body can advance, onto this world unknown, but familiar to me

A place like none other,

A place full of love and hate, warmth

And compassion, hot and cold, dreams and aspirations, bliss and fantasies.

X is my drug of choice,

And for that

I cannot imagine an addiction to any other…

Drug

That is…because X is fix.

My drug

~X-tasy~


November 13, 2007
Over The Bridge


As I lied in bed last night, eyes closed, alone, trying to fall asleep, a force swept across my body like a revelation of sorts. I realized at the moment that, and it really feels interesting to say, however I realized that…I am over my Ex. It took two years in the making, but I finally feel like I'm ready to move on with my life. And no, I didn't find a replacement, I took the long way out, the road in which you find yourself again, and love yourself even more. No more spells of infinite tears, and growing pains. No more wishing that we would get back together because if we're not together now then we probably shouldn't be. No more worrying about what they're doing, who they're with, when is that phone going to ring, and when is that letter going to arrive…none of that. And no more, "Oh Woe Is Me," sitting, surrounded by sorrows that I allowed myself to be consumed by from lost loves. I'm starting a new chapter, a new beginning, a new era…a new life. Entering this world yet again with a different pair of eyes. I found something greater in me, and that is that I love myself too much to allow any sort of mistreatment of me because I am human, and I have feelings too. So, last night, that's when I knew. And there's no resentment, no bittersweet emotions because there is a lesson learned in everything. With time, anything is able to mend itself, and I have discovered that I am whole again. Ready for that next page to turn. I'm not going to dwell on relationships though, that's not my style, but if it happens, I'm not opposed to it. Until last night, I never took a look at myself to see my potential, a glimpse of my worth, but now I caught sight of it, and I know that I am deserving of much more.


September 26, 2007
A Slave’s Dream


I admit, I am not doing well. I hide behind a well-managed mask. Hiding my afflictions. Camouflaging my past, and fears of my future while constantly being tormented by regrets. I regret everything. Taking the blame for everything: Maybe I could have prevented some things by making better decisions, but sometimes I was a victim of circumstance, I was too young then, I did not know any better. Either way, I regret all of it. I carry such a large burden that I sometimes wonder how long will I be able to carry it. There have been too many struggles thus far, and I predict will be just as many well into my future. There is not a quick fix. Don't ask me to talk to someone because when I'm done I will still think about it. Don't ask me to take a pill to make it go away. I would prefer alcohol, and have been doing much thinking about dabbing into narcotics of the sort, but my problems will still be there.


I think of my Mother and Father, and all of the things they had to endure. I think of my Brother and the little time he had on this earth, and the pain he held in his heart. I think of my Sister and her struggles. Then I reflect upon my ancestors and every hardship they had to undergo, the pain of being ripped away from their homes, their families. The agony of being tortured day in and day out, and yet and still they prevailed. Because if they had not, I would not exist. I think about their dreams, and what they held on so hard for…it was for me. For me.


Living is by far the hardest thing to do. And being dealt an insufficient hand doesn't help much. But just as my ancestors have done throughout the generations, every unfit hand can be reversed. You can change every situation.


I think about my family, living or otherwise. I think about the little ones, the ones that have to grow in this world. And it is not about me anymore. It is about my family, my friends, this world…this world. It is about my ancestors, they need me to fulfill their dreams that they have worked so hard for.


Yes I carry a huge burden on my back, but every time I continue, it does nothing but make me stronger. I used to give myself specific times to unload it. Now I will hand over that decision to time. It will know when my moment is appropriate to put the load down. Until then I will continue to carry this burden, this burden full of sufferings and regret, and the midst of it, hope. I will not only continue to carry this burden on my back, but I will do so with pride because I know that everything has its purpose, and one day just as my ancestors intended, my purpose will be fulfilled.


September 25, 2007
Staring into a Mirage


Your touch
Magic

Your embrace
Solace

Your kisses
Sweet

Your love
Indescribable

Your beauty
Incomparable

You
Incredible

You stand before me with those captivating eyes

That beautiful laugh, that wonderful smile

You talk to me and I'm enthralled by your voice

I want to hug you