Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (paper ebook reader .TXT) 📖

seemed to be very young.

17. When they had been with me for a while,—I, too, in the

greatest delight and joy, greater than I had ever had before, as

I think, and with which I wished never to part,—I saw them, so

it seemed, ascend up to heaven, attended by a great multitude of

angels. I was left in great loneliness, though so comforted and

raised up, so recollected in prayer and softened, that I was for

some time unable to move or speak—being, as it were, beside

myself. I was now possessed by a strong desire to be consumed

for the love of God, and by other affections of the same kind.

Everything took place in such a way that I could never have a

doubt—though I often tried—that the vision came from God. [13]

It left me in the greatest consolation and peace.

18. As to that which the Queen of the Angels spoke about

obedience, it is this: it was painful to me not to subject the

monastery to the Order, and our Lord had told me that it was

inexpedient to do so. He told me the reasons why it was in no

wise convenient that I should do it but I must send to Rome in a

certain way, which He also explained; He would take care that I

found help there: and so I did. I sent to Rome, as our Lord

directed me,—for we should never have succeeded otherwise,—and

most favourable was the result.

19. And as to subsequent events, it was very convenient to be

under the Bishop, [14] but at that time I did not know him, nor

did I know what kind of a superior he might be. It pleased our

Lord that he should be as good and favourable to this house as it

was necessary he should be on account of the great opposition it

met with at the beginning, as I shall show hereafter, [15] and

also for the sake of bringing it to the condition it is now in.

Blessed be He who has done it all! Amen.

1. Ch. xxi. § 6, ch. xxix. §§ 10, 11.

2. Pedro Ibañez. See ch. xxxviii. § 15.

3. Dionisio Vasquez. Of him the Bollandists say that he was very

austere and harsh to his subjects, notwithstanding his great

learning: “homini egregie docto ac rebus gestis claro, sed in

subditos, ut ex historia Societatis Jesu liquet, valde immiti”

(n. 309).

4. Gaspar de Salazar was made rector of the house in Avila in

1561, therein succeeding Vasquez (Bollandists, ibid.).

5. St. Teresa was commanded by our Lord to ask Father Baltasar

Alvarez to make a meditation on Psalm xci. 6: “Quam magnificata

sunt opera Tua.” The Saint obeyed, and the meditation was made.

From that moment, as F. Alvarez afterwards told Father de Ribera

(Life of St. Teresa, i. ch. vii.), there was no further

hesitation on the part of the Saint’s confessor.

6. Juana de Ahumada, wife of Juan de Ovalle.

7. The money was a present from her brother, Don Lorenzo de

Cepeda; and the Saint acknowledges the receipt of it, and

confesses the use made of it, in a letter to her brother, written

in Avila, Dec. 31, 1561 (De la Fuente).

8. One day, she went with her sister—she was staying in her

house—to hear a sermon in the church of St. Thomas. The zealous

preacher denounced visions and revelations; and his observations

were so much to the point, that there was no need of his saying

that they were directed against St. Teresa, who was present.

Her sister was greatly hurt, and persuaded the Saint to return to

the monastery at once (Reforma, i. ch. xlii. § 1).

9. St. Luke ix. 58: “Filius autem hominis non habet ubi

caput reclinet.”

10. Pius IV., on Dec. 5, 1562, (Bouix). See ch. xxxix. § 19.

11. Ch. xxxii. § 14.

12. See ch. xxvii. § 7.

13. “Nuestro Señor,” “our Lord,” though inserted in the printed

editions after the word “God,” is not in the MS., according to

Don V. de la Fuente.

14. Don Alvaro de Mendoza, Bishop of Avila, afterwards

of Palencia.

15. See ch. xxxvi. § 15; Way of Perfection, ch. v. § 10;

Foundations, ch. xxxi. § 1.

Chapter XXXIV.

The Saint Leaves Her Monastery of the Incarnation for a Time, at

the Command of Her Superior. Consoles an Afflicted Widow.

1. Now, though I was very careful that no one should know what we

were doing, all this work could not be carried on so secretly as

not to come to the knowledge of divers persons; some believed, in

it, others did not, I was in great fear lest the Provincial

should be spoken to about it when he came, and find himself

compelled to order me to give it up; and if he did so, it would

have been abandoned at once. Our Lord provided against it in

this way. In a large city, more than twenty leagues distant, was

a lady in great distress on account of her husband’s death. [1]

She was in such extreme affliction, that fears were entertained

about her life. She had heard of me, a poor sinner,—for our

Lord had provided that,—and men spoke well to her of me, for the

sake of other good works which resulted from it. This lady knew

the Provincial well; and as she was a person of some

consideration, and knew that I lived in a monastery the nuns of

which were permitted to go out, our Lord made her desire much to

see me. She thought that my presence would be a consolation to

her, and that she could not be comforted otherwise.

She therefore strove by all the means in her power to get me into

her house, sending messages to the Provincial, who was at a

distance far away.

2. The Provincial sent me an order, charging me in virtue of my

obedience to go immediately, with one companion. I knew of it on

Christmas night. It caused me some trouble and much suffering to

see that they sent for me because they thought there was some

good in me; I, knowing myself to be so wicked, could not bear it.

I commended myself earnestly to God, and during Matins, or the

greater part of them, was lost in a profound trance. Our Lord

told me I must go without fail, and give no heed to the opinions

of people, for they were few who would not be rash in their

counsel; and though I should have troubles, yet God would be

served greatly: as to the monastery, it was expedient I should be

absent till the Brief came, because Satan had contrived a great

plot against the coming of the Provincial; that I was to have no

fear,—He would help me. I repeated this to the rector, and he

told me that I must go by all means, though others were saying I

ought not to go, that it was a trick of Satan to bring some evil

upon me there, and that I ought to send word to the Provincial.

3. I obeyed the rector, and went without fear, because of what I

had understood in prayer, though in the greatest confusion when I

thought of the reasons why they sent for me, and how very much

they were deceived. It made me more and more importunate with

our Lord that He would not abandon me. It was a great comfort

that there was a house of the Society of Jesus there whither I

was going, and so I thought I should be in some degree safe under

the direction of those fathers, as I had been here.

4. It was the good pleasure of our Lord that the lady who sent

for me should be so much consoled that a visible improvement was

the immediate result she was comforted every day more and more.

This was very remarkable, because, as I said before, her

suffering had reduced her to great straits. Our Lord must have

done this in answer to the many prayers which the good people of

my acquaintance made for me, that I might prosper in my work.

She had a profound fear of God, and was so good, that her great

devotion supplied my deficiencies. She conceived a great

affection for me—I, too, for her, because of her goodness; but

all was as it were a cross for me; for the comforts of her house

were a great torment, and her making so much of me made me

afraid. I kept my soul continually recollected—I did not dare

to be careless: nor was our Lord careless of me; for while I was

there, He bestowed the greatest graces upon me, and those graces

made me so free, and filled me with such contempt for all I

saw,—and the more I saw, the greater my contempt,—that I never

failed to treat those ladies, whom to serve would have been a

great honour for me, with as much freedom as if I had been

their equal.

5. I derived very great advantages from this, and I said so.

I saw that she was a woman, and as much liable to passion and

weakness as I was; that rank is of little worth, and the higher

it is, the greater the anxiety and trouble it brings.

People must be careful of the dignity of their state, which will

not suffer them to live at ease; they must eat at fixed hours and

by rule, for everything must be according to their state, and not

according to their constitutions; and they have frequently to

take food fitted more for their state than for their liking.

6. So it was that I came to hate the very wish to be a great

lady. God deliver me from this wicked, artificial life!—though

I believe that this lady, notwithstanding that she was one of the

chief personages of the realm, was a woman of great simplicity,

and that few were more humble than she was. I was very sorry for

her, for I saw how often she had to submit to much that was

disagreeable to her, because of the requirements of her rank.

Then, as to servants, though this lady had very good servants,

how slight is that little trust that may be put in them!

One must not be conversed with more than another; otherwise, he

who is so favoured is envied by the rest. This of itself is a

slavery, and one of the lies of the world is that it calls such

persons masters, who, in my eyes, are nothing else but slaves in

a thousand ways.

7. It was our Lord’s pleasure that the household of that lady

improved in the service of His Majesty during my stay there,

though I was not exempted from some trials and some jealousies on

the part of some of its members, because of the great affection

their mistress had for me. They perhaps must have thought I had

some personal interest to serve. Our Lord must have permitted

such matters, and others of the same kind, to give me trouble, in

order that I might not be absorbed in the comforts which

otherwise I had there; and He was pleased to deliver me out of it

all with great profit to my soul.

8. When I was there, a religious person of great consideration,

and with whom I had conversed occasionally some years ago, [2]

happened to arrive. When I was at Mass, in a monastery of his

Order, near the house in which I was staying, I felt a longing to

know the state of his soul,—for I wished him to be a great

servant of