Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (paper ebook reader .TXT) 📖

>beginning; [7] they are present almost continually in my soul.

I, being accustomed to the presence of Jesus Christ only, always

thought that the vision of the Three Persons was in some degree a

hindrance, though I know the Three Persons are but One God.

To-day, while thinking of this, our Lord said to me “that I was

wrong in imagining that those things which are peculiar to the

soul can be represented by those of the body; I was to understand

that they were very different, and that the soul had a capacity

for great fruition.” It seemed to me as if this were shown to me

thus: as water penetrates and is drunk in by the sponge, so, it

seemed to me, did the Divinity fill my soul, which in a certain

sense had the fruition and possession of the Three Persons. And

I heard Him say also: “Labour thou not to hold Me within thyself

enclosed, but enclose thou thyself within Me.” It seemed to me

that I saw the Three Persons within my soul, and communicating

Themselves to all creatures abundantly without ceasing to be

with me.

10. A few days after this, thinking whether they were right who

disapproved of my going out to make new foundations, and whether

it would not be better for me if I occupied myself always with

prayer, I heard this: “During this life, the true gain consists

not in striving after greater joy in Me, but in doing My will.”

It seemed to me, considering what St. Paul says about women, how

they should stay at home, [8]—people reminded me lately of this,

and, indeed, I had heard it before,—it might be the will of God

I should do so too. He said to me: “Tell them they are not to

follow one part of the Scripture by itself, without looking to

the other parts also; perhaps, if they could, they would like to

tie My hands.”

11. One day after the octave of the Visitation, in one of the

hermitages of Mount Carmel, praying to God for one of my

brothers, I said to our Lord,—I do not know whether it was only

in thought or not, for my brother was in a place where his

salvation was in peril,—“If I saw one of Thy brethren, O Lord,

in this danger, what would I not do to help him!” It seemed to

me there was nothing that I could do which I would not have done.

Our Lord said to me: “O daughter, daughter! the nuns of the

Incarnation are thy sisters, and thou holdest back.

Take courage, then. Behold, this is what I would have thee do:

it is not so difficult as it seems; and though it seems to thee

that by going thither thy foundations will be ruined, yet it is

by thy going that both these and the monastery of the Incarnation

will gain; resist not, for My power is great.” [9]

12. Once, when thinking of the great penance practised by Doña

Catalina de Cardona, [10] and how I might have done more,

considering the desires which our Lord had given me at times, if

it had not been for my obedience to my confessors, I asked myself

whether it would not be as well if I disobeyed them for the

future in this matter. Our Lord said to me: “No, My daughter;

thou art on the sound and safe road. Seest thou all her penance?

I think more of thy obedience.”

13. Once, when I was in prayer, He showed me by a certain kind of

intellectual vision the condition of a soul in a state of grace:

in its company I saw by intellectual vision the most Holy

Trinity, from whose companionship the soul derived a power which

was a dominion over the whole earth. I understood the meaning of

those words in the Canticle: “Let my Beloved come into His garden

and eat.” [11] He showed me also the condition of a soul in sin,

utterly powerless, like a person tied and bound and blindfold,

who, though anxious to see, yet cannot, being unable to walk or

to hear, and in grievous obscurity. I was so exceedingly sorry

for such souls, that, to deliver only one, any trouble seemed to

me light. I thought it impossible for any one who saw this as I

saw it,—and I can hardly explain it,—willingly to forfeit so

great a good or continue in so evil a state.

14. One day, in very great distress about the state of the Order,

and casting about for means to succour it, our Lord said to me:

“Do thou what is in thy power, and leave Me to Myself, and be not

disquieted by anything; rejoice in the blessing thou hast

received, for it is a very great one. My Father is pleased with

thee, and the Holy Ghost loves thee.”

15. “Thou art ever desiring trials, and, on the other hand,

declining them. I order things according to what I know thy will

is, and not according to thy sensuality and weakness. Be strong,

for thou seest how I help thee; I have wished thee to gain this

crown. Thou shalt see the Order of the Virgin greatly advanced in

thy days.” I heard this from our Lord about the middle of

February, 1571.

16. On the eve of St. Sebastian, the first year of my being in

the monastery of the Incarnation [12] as prioress there, at the

beginning of the Salve, I saw the Mother of God descend with a

multitude of angels to the stall of the prioress, where the image

of our Lady is, and sit there herself. I think I did not see the

image then, but only our Lady. She seemed to be like that

picture of her which the Countess [13] gave me; but I had no time

to ascertain this, because I fell at once into a trance.

Multitudes of angels seemed to me to be above the canopies of the

stalls, and on the desks in front of them; but I saw no bodily

forms, for the vision was intellectual. She remained there

during the Salve, and said to me: “Thou hast done well to place

me here; I will be present when the sisters sing the praises of

my Son, and will offer them to Him.” After this I remained in

that prayer which I still practise, and which is that of keeping

my soul in the company of the most Holy Trinity; and it seemed to

me that the Person of the Father drew me to Himself, and spoke to

me most comfortable words. Among them were these, while showing

how He loved me: “I give thee My Son, and the Holy Ghost, and the

Virgin: what canst thou give Me?” [14]

17. On the octave of the Holy Ghost, our Lord was gracious unto

me, and gave me hopes of this house, [15] that it would go on

improving—I mean the souls that are in it.

18. On the feast of the Magdalene, our Lord again confirmed a

grace I had received in Toledo, electing me, in the absence of a

certain person, in her place.

19. In the monastery of the Incarnation, and in the second year

of my being prioress there, on the octave of St. Martin, when I

was going to Communion, the Father, Fr. John of the

Cross, [16]—divided the Host between me and another sister.

I thought it was done, not because there was any want of Hosts,

but that he wished to mortify me because I had told him how much

I delighted in Hosts of a large size. Yet I was not ignorant

that the size of the Host is of no moment; for I knew that our

Lord is whole and entire in the smallest particle. His Majesty

said to me: “Have no fear, My daughter; for no one will be able

to separate thee from Me,”—giving me to understand that the size

of the Host mattered not.

20. Then appearing to me, as on other occasions, in an imaginary

vision, most interiorly, He held out His right hand and said:

“Behold this nail! it is the pledge of thy being My bride from

this day forth. Until now thou hadst not merited it; from

henceforth thou shalt regard My honour, not only as of one who is

Thy Creator, King, and God, but as thine, My veritable bride; My

honour is thine, and thine is Mine.” This grace had such an

effect on me, that I could not contain myself: I became as one

that is foolish, and said to our Lord: “Either ennoble my

vileness or cease to bestow such mercies on me, for certainly I

do not think that nature can bear them.” I remained thus the

whole day, as one utterly beside herself. Afterwards I became

conscious of great progress, and greater shame and distress to

see that I did nothing in return for graces so great.

21. Our Lord said this to me one day: “Thinkest thou, My

daughter, that meriting lies in fruition? No; merit lies only in

doing, in suffering, and in loving. You never heard that

St. Paul had the fruition of heavenly joys more than once; while

he was often in sufferings. [17] Thou seest how My whole life

was full of dolors, and only on Mount Tabor hast thou heard of Me

in glory. [18] Do not suppose, when thou seest My Mother hold Me

in her arms, that she had that joy unmixed with heavy sorrows.

From the time that Simeon spoke to her, My Father made her see in

clear light all I had to suffer. The grand Saints of the desert,

as they were led by God, so also did they undergo heavy penances;

besides, they waged serious war with the devil and with

themselves, and much of their time passed away without any

spiritual consolation whatever. Believe Me, My daughter, his

trials are the heaviest whom My Father loves most; trials are the

measure of His love. How can I show My love for thee better than

by desiring for thee what I desired for Myself? Consider My

wounds; thy pains will never reach to them. This is the way of

truth; thus shalt thou help Me to weep over the ruin of those who

are in the world, for thou knowest how all their desires,

anxieties, and thoughts tend the other way.” When I began my

prayer that day, my headache was so violent that I thought I

could not possibly go on. Our Lord said to me: “Behold now, the

reward of suffering. As thou, on account of thy health, wert

unable to speak to Me, I spoke to thee and comforted thee.”

Certainly, so it was; for the time of my recollection lasted

about an hour and a half, more or less. It was then that He

spoke to me the words I have just related, together with all the

others. I was not able to distract myself, neither knew I where

I was; my joy was so great as to be indescribable; my headache

was gone, and I was amazed, and I had a longing for suffering.

He also told me to keep in mind the words He said to His

Apostles: “The servant is not greater than his Lord.” [19]

1. Alonzo Ramirez wished to have the right of burial in the new

monastery, but the nobles of Toledo looked on his request as

unreasonable. See Foundations, chs. xv. and xvi.

2. See Way of Perfection, ch. viii.; but ch. v. of