Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (ebook reader below 3000 .txt) 📖

    "Didn't hear nobody." Troy replied.

    "No one is going to move from their places unless and until you tell me what this is about and why he is talking about Alana." I said.

   "Because she is my girlfriend. I think I made it obvious, yo. Why is there a problem?" Troy appeared to be clueless, although I thought otherwise.

    I pounded my fist on the table. "DON'T LIE TO ME!"

   "Why would I lie to you?" Troy didn't even finch. "Wait, why is everyone acting like I just slept with your girl?"

   Slept? I couldn't breathe.

     I was having one of those panic attacks again. My hands were shaking violently. My mind was on Alana. How could I let this happen? Alana couldn't do this to me, I thought, then I realized I'd told her to move on and she had gone ahead and hooked up with my cousin?

   No wonder Alana seemed guilty when she said wanted to tell me something. It had to be about Troy, or the fact that she was in love with him. She had probably agreed to give me a chance because I looked desperate and she didn't want to hurt my feelings.

   They were all looking at me, wondering if I was going to explode and lash out. The truth was, I wanted to stab Troy. My anger was blowing up so bad that I wanted to crash my plate, but I didn't do any of that and neither did I ask for further explanation, instead I picked up my fork, clenching it until my knuckles were white and began shoveling down the food as if I hadn't been bothered by what Troy had said. I heard the sound of the cutlery which meant everyone else had resumed their meals.

   Presents were towered over the side table, but I ignored them all and made a beeline for the staircase. I needed my meds, without those, I was going to rampage around the house and I didn't want my family to think that I needed to get into lockdown.

    I scrambled up the stairs and Dwight followed after me. I sat down on my bed with my hands covering my face. I was going to have a serious meltdown and difficulty going to bed. Dwight appeared to be standing in the doorway, contemplating his next move.

   "Rowan, I was going to tell you about it." He said finally.

    I glared at him, not angry at him, but at myself. "When exactly did you plan to tell me? Possibly when she was going to walk the aisle in a fucking white dress with Troy at the end of it?"

   "You're overreacting. You still have time."

    My breathing was irregular. I quickly reached for my jeans pocket and pulled out my meds. I always carried them around. Dwight rushed with a glass of water which I downed as I swallowed my anti-psychotic meds.

There was moisture pooled up at the corner of my eyes. Minnie stormed into the room before Dwight had time to close the door.

   "Daddy, can we play house tonight?" Minnie asked.

    "Not now, baby. Daddy is not feeling fine." I said, trying so fucking hard to not cry in front of my child.  

    Suddenly her lower lip quickened. "Ish...ish daddy going to da hoshpital again?"

    "No, sweetheart. Of course not." Dwight said. "He is not going anywhere."

    Minnie wasn't convinced. When I'd been admitted in the rehab, she kept asking what was wrong with me and they just told her that I was sick, that I needed to stay in the hospital to get better. She didn't understand my illness, but she did know about my panic attacks.

    "I don wansh daddy to go to the hoshpital." She mumbled and melted down into a racking sob.

    I pulled her into my lap and assured her that I wasn't leaving. I wouldn't go anywhere, because even if every single day was a fight, I wasn't going to give up. I rocked her back and forth and sang her a lullaby softly and a few minutes later her breathing relaxed and I knew Minnie had fallen asleep. Mom was at the door looking concerned but I told her I could handle so she left us alone.

    I placed Minnie in bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking in her favorite teddy-bear.

    Dwight was still there. "I think it's better you speak with Alana directly rather than coming to some conclusion."

   "What do you want me to do? Beg her to take me back?" I whispered. "It's over, Dwight. I fucked up."

"It's not too late. All's fair in love and war."

  I tried to sleep that night with that thought in my head. The meds weren't kicking in because Sofia was a sly woman, she didn't want me to rely on sleeping pills.

   Maybe I should speak with Alana and ask her if she really had feelings for Troy.

   Before I had time to think about it, I reached for my phone from the dresser and texted Alana.

   Me: Hey! Are you awake?

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