Love you so much that I hate you by Mimi (dark books to read .TXT) 📖

and opened a drawer on the desk and pulled out a file with my name on it , written with red marker .

" And , I saw why are you here for . " she opened and put it down and focused her eyes at me . " Yes , as you can probably guess , the judge told me to talk with you . Well , we'll have four sessions in one month . "

I just nodded my head as a response .

" So , the judge , um said that you could really use someone like me - a psychologist , to be persist - to talk to . And , he also said that you really need help . " she said .

Ha , I knew that , but I wasn't crazy like she thought I was ; or at least the judge .

" Though , I think that you should see me for different reasons judge said . Like I said , I took a look at your file and talked to your co-workers at Vogue . " she said carefully . " I also talked to your friends and family and , from what they all said , it didn't seem to me that you did what you did because you wanted to harm someone . Not psychically, at least . "

She put her hands together and said : " I think that it was an act of defence . That someone hurt you that much , you just expressed your anger that way . " her tone was serious and wrinkles could be seen on her forehead .

She was completely right . Itwasan act of defence . And , yes , he hurt me that much .

" Am I right ? " she knitted her blond eyebrows .

" Yes . " I blinked . I didn't realize tears were gathering in my eyes , threatening to fall out .

" And , who ever I talked to - doesn't matter if that person was your colleague , friend or a relative - they all say the same thing - that you were in a relationship with Ian Smith , the one whose car you set on fire . " Evelyn looked like she was at the point she wanted to be .

I didn't say or do anything . Just the sound of his name , the feeling that brought to me ... was too painful . I couldn't even stand to hear it ! It was like a big needle pierced my heart , which was also surprising because I thought I was over it , that I was totally numb for him . Apparently I wasn't .

" And , everyone says that at the beginning , you two were sweet together , but then , after a few months of dating , you separated for unknown reasons . Then , you were back together after six months of separation . Right , Jen ? " she asked me .

Jen . The name Ian used to call me . Suddenly , I felt adrenalin rush through my blood and my face turned red . I instantly stood up and instinctivelyclenched my fists . Tears were now rolling down my face .

" Don't . Call . Me . Like . That . " I said through my teeth . The chair I was sitting on fell down loudly .

I could see , by her facial expression that Evelyn was surprised . The door suddenly opened and the guard entered the room .

" Is there a problem in here ? " his eyes were roaming from Evelyn , the chair and me . Back and forth .

" No , not at all . You can leave , I'll take care of this . " Evelyn said to the unconvinced guard , but either way he left the room with one last glance on me . She sighed and stood up her chair and started going around the desk to me . I was wondering what was she going to do , but she just took the chair and stood it up . Then , she pointed to it and I sat down .

She came back to the desk and sat . I wondered why she didn't let the guard take me to my cell after what I did . It was odd .

" Listen , I want to help you . And , in order to do that , you must tell me everything . Because , I can't guess . I can just tell that you are deeply hurt . " she said .

I looked at her . She was genuine .

" Okay . " I whispered . My face was back to normal again , but tears were still sliding down my cheeks . " Here . " she handed me over a tissue . I wiped off the tears , but it seemed like they wouldn't stop going . I just let them be .

" Now , tell me , what was that about ? " I completely understood the question exactly like she understood my answer .

" He used to call me like that . " I said , not looking at her .

" I see . " she replied with compassion in her eyes .

" Do you want to tell me more ? It's okay if you aren't ready . " she said concerned .

" I want to . " was all I said .

" Okay , I'm listening . " she said and leaned towards me again .

I couldn't look at her , I was looking at the floor , my thoughts lost in another time . The time I missed so bad , the time when I was starting to fall for Ian . Before I knew his true colors .

" At the beginning , it was so easy , so right . But , at the very end it was too complicated and difficult." I said remembering that time , which wasn't that long ago .

" But , if you want to understand what I went through and help me , you have to hear the whole story." I said and blinked out more tears that were flooding my face . Evelyn nodded . She had no idea what was she about to hear .

Big party

Jennifer's P.O.V.

11 months ago

It was a sunny afternoon . I was staring through my window , wrapped up in my favorite blanket ,looking at busy New Yorkers . How they were rushing to be somewhere . How I wish I was there with them . Usually at this time , I was still at work , but my boss insisted for me to take a two week vacation . She said that she completely understands what I'm going through , but that she won't let me continue the pace I was going - I was working whole days , literary , and I was barely sleeping at night so I had big purple circles under my eyes - I was overworking myself. Yes , Vera was a pretty good boss , but I didn't like this because my job distracted me , helped me forget about Rob .

I didn't know where he was now that I've kicked him out , I could only guess . He never called or tried to contact me anyway . He could have believed that I'll do the first step , but knew me too well to know that I'll never forgive him . That there's no come back for us .As for Melissa , she was still dead to me . She left a few voice mails , telling me that she's very sorry and that she never meant that to happen , leaving me tempted to smash my phone .

My best friend- Olivia was staying with me for upcoming eleven days , to keep me company and to comfort me .

" Just call him already ! " Olivia snapped me from my thoughts . I turned my head to her to see her frustrated face.

" What are you talking about ? " I asked her a bit taken aback .

" I saw you staring at that phone ! Do it already ! "

" Are you trying to tell me that I should call Rob ? " I raised my eyebrows at her .

" I'd be crazy to tell you that . I'm talking about that guy you hooked up with 3 months ago . What was his name ? " She put her hand on her chin , thinking . " Oh , yeah - Ian ."

I sighed . Ian . Man , was I embarrassed of him . That day , when I came back from work , and when I broke down ... Ugh . He caught me in my vulnerable moment and I cried on his shoulder . I cried on some strangers' shoulders . Yeah . After laying with me on the bed for five hours whispering me comforting words , I insisted that he should leave ; that he's done enough for me . He looked at me with those worried blue eyes and asked me if I was sure , and after I said I was , he gave me his number and call him anytime . That he'd be here for me because he knows what a bad break up is.

Worst one-night-stand ever ! I liked Ian , but he was probably thinking that I was some big cry baby . Or too emotional and weak . So , I've didn't call him . If I did , he'd probably just be questioning me how am I doing and all . Though , it was a bit weird that he was that concerned about me . I was with him for just one night and he was already concerned about my feelings .

" Jennifer , hello-o ! " Olivia said .

" I am not gonna call him . We had a one night stand . I cried on his shoulders . He left . End of story." I simply said , turning back to the window .

" Oh , Jenny , aren't you ever going to learn ? " Olivia jumped on the couch and it bounced under her weight .

" Apparently , not . My fiancee cheated on me so ... "

" Oh , come on ! That's not what I meant . " I looked at her cat green eyes .

" What I meant to say is that , Ian likes you . Obviously ." she