Unvanishing pain(INCOMPLETE) by S.J. J. (pdf ebook reader txt) 📖

its repulsive, so i'm cleaning it.
I just shrugged my shoulders let her continue on with her work.I pulled out a sheet of paper and headed it accordingly
Me:Favorite color?
Anna:huh?
Me:What is your favorite color?
Anna:(frowning) why?
Me: um for the assignment duh.
Anna:ooh um white.what about you?
Me: It varies from day to day
Anna: Favorite song?
ME: (shrug)
Anna: Ugghh your so boring!Are all drug dealers boring?
Me:As if your any better.
Anna:Whats that suppose to mean?
Me: You so depressed!I have never seen you smile...EVER.
Anna: You don't know me! *pointing finger in my face*
ME:I know enough to conclude your emotionally Fucked up.
Anna:actually your right.So what else have you discovered in you analysis of me Dr.phil
ME:You jump to conclusions alot.
Anna: *raising her eyebrow* how so?
Me: take me for instance you already made up in your head that i'm a bad guy without getting to know me.
Anna: So your saying your not a drug dealer?
Me: You want the truth?
Anna: yea
Me:Yes I am.
Anna: Why?
Me: your not gonna put this on the paper right? *grinning*
Anna: I don't think Mr. McLean would take it if i did.
ME: I need the money.I mean not everyone has a rich aunt and lives in a mansion
Anna:I don't even consider her my aunt
Me:Why not?
Anna:Because she just popped up out of the blue and i don't like her.
Me:Where did you live before you came here?
Anna:L.A.
Me: oohh a cali girl
Anna smiled.I mean a real smile.
Me: Damn.Did that smile just kill you?
she then laughed.It was the cutest thing i ever saw.She wrinkled her nose a little bit and i could see a dimple in her right cheek as she laughed.
Me:Whats so funny?
Anna: you *chuckling*
Me:ooohkaaay?
Anna: your funny when your confused
Me:thanks.don't expect to see it again.
Anna: How old is she?
Me: huh?
Anna:Your sister.how old is she?
Me:seven and a half.
Anna:She looks like you..
she came closer to me and surveyed my face.We were less than a foot a way from each other.
Me: How so?
Annna: You have the same pretty brown eyes and curly hair..
she ran her fingers through my hair.She was staring into my eyes as if looking for something.I touched her face and began to lean in but she turned her face away.
Me:sorry.
Anna:Its ummm okay.
We sat in silence for the remainder of the time and only spoke when necessary.We finished in about 30 minutes i could of told her it was time to go but i kinda liked talking to her.I was about to break the awkward silence when my Iphone vibrated in my pocket.It was a text from sonny.Shit i was late.
Me:You ready to go??(standing up and grabbing keys)
Anna:No not really
Me:well i got things to do so you gotta go..
Anna:(sarcastically) things like what? sell drugs?
I clenched my jaw slightly.I was tired of her throwing that in my face every 5 seconds, like seriously shut up.I grabbed her bag and walked out my room.She followed just as i planned and snatched her bag away.
Anna:Don't touch my shit (growling)
I rolled my eyes and walked to my truck with her following closely behind.I opened the passenger door for her and she got in reluctantly.She gave me her adress and i drove to the clean part of the city and couldn't help but gape at the huge white 4 story house.She mumbled goodbye and exited my car. Therapy...

Dr.Tarra Andrews.5'6 caramel skin,curly hair that rested on her shoulders and killer shoe game.Professional look,boogie attitude and a bowl of blue jolly ranchers always resting on the coffee table.Not green,or purple or red but blue jolly ranchers and no other color.That was my therapist.when i first entered the room i didn't speak i just sat on the sofa silently.For the whole two hour session she let me sit there and eat jolly ranchers.Which surprised me because i expected her to cut to the chase with a whole bunch of bullshit about emotions and shit.All the while there i couldn't stop thinking about Jose.His personality was not one i could pin point and i couldn't describe the type of person he is.I thought about him so often that i barely even remember my plans for killing my self.I couldn't get to close though or I might get attached .But i loved the way he looked at me.like I was more than an broken little girl who's been through years of abuse.Like I was a girl with potential and like I was beautiful.Crazy I know but it was the truth.I wish I could speak to him more but I know that no one wants to be my friend in this horrible town.I stood out more than a sore thumb and I missed LA so much.But I rather be here with a bunch of country bumpkins than underneath my father.He was rotting somewhere in a prison cell.Sometimes I feel sorry for him and hope he gets better.Others I hate him for doing this to me.I even hate my mom sometimes for leaving me alone with him.But most days I blame myself.for not telling.For not ending the abuse when it first started.I guess i felt sorry for him.I know,i know why would i be sorry to a man who've done nothing but abuse me for 4 years straight.I wanted to cry but Dr. Tarra was staring at me.Though that did not stop the tears from welling in my eyes.They threatened to fall but i held in in.Tarra saw me and handed my a tissue.And that was all she did other then stare at me.When I got home Karen bombarded me with questions about therapy but i simply ignored her.I curled up in my fetal position waiting for sleep to take me, knowing that i would wake up a short time later from my nightmares.I was too hurt to be healed and no therapy in the world could make the pain go away.

Falling for you

Jose

 

I like her.As much as i hate to admit it, I like her.Though our time together ended sourly, I can't stop thinking about her.She was so fragile yet so strong.So beautiful and she didn't even know it.But she hates me and thinks i'm a monster.She even dodged my kiss.So why am i so hooked on someone I've only known for 96 hours?I shook my head out of these thoughts and got ready for school.After i dropped Belles off i went to school and leaned against my car waiting for my regular customer.His name was Big Zeke and was probably the worse case of drug addiction you've ever seen.He came to me 4 times a day and each time he came i felt horrible for selling drugs to him.But i knew if i stopped Belles and pops wouldn't eat for a week.I saw Zeke's tall slim stature coming towards me and grabbed the little white packet from my pocket and clenched it in my fist.Zeke was once was muscular and bulgy but years of drug abuse was withering him away.
Me: wassup man?
Big Zeke: cut with the bullshit man and give me what i came for.
I sighed and looked around before handing him the packet.He quickly put it in his pocket before handing me a wad of hundred dollar bills and walking away.I counted it and stuffed it in my pocket before looking around again.Standing a few feet away from me was Anastasia staring at me like she'd seen a ghost.My eyes met hers for a brief moment but she broke away the gaze and walked into the building.I ran after her and grabbed her arm.She faced me slowly and stared into my eyes still looking shaken up.Her eyes were glassy.
Me: Did you see everything?
She shook her head yes slowly.
Me: Will..will you tell?
she shook her head no.I let go of her arm and stared into her eyes.
Me:Are you scared of me?
Shook her head no again
Me: Then whats wrong?
Anna: I'm scared of the drugs...
Me: why?
Anna: They made a person i love do some really bad things...
Me: Do you want to talk about it.
Anna: No.
Me: Can i walk you to class?
She stared at me for a long time, contemplating whether to trust me or not.I couldn't blame her.If i was her i wouldn't trust me either.
Anna: Yes.
I lent my hand out to her and she took it.We walked the halls together and i couldn't help but feel a tingling sensation as she held her hand in my mine.We stopped in front of our first period.The bell hadn't rung yet.I lean against the wall but didn't let her hand go.She pursed her lips and stared at me.I stared back and brought her closer to me. we were face to face now.I leaned into her and pecked her soft lips.She was stiff and didn't respond.I broke away and met her eyes.
Me: I'm sorry i don't know what i was think-
I was interrupted by her crashing her lips against mines.I kissed her back and wrapped my arms around her waist as she draped her arms around my neck.I pressed her body against mine.I bit her bottom lip begging for entrance.She gave it to me and tangled her hands in my hair.The bell rung and we jumped.She broke away from me and rushed in class leaving me in a confused and dazed state.I couldn't go in there.So i simply walked back out the way i came.I couldn't stay in school with Anna there...I wouldn't be able to control my self.....


Anastisia

He kissed me and i wasn't scared.There was no memories or confusion like i expected, but instead there was a tingling sensation that flooded though out my body.He didn't come to class though, which means he regretted every minute of it.I didn't see him in the halls either.God, it was so horrible i ran him out of school?The sensation that i had before was gone and i was in a depressed state, as always.When i saw him selling drugs all i could think about was how,men use to come around in the wee hours of the morning and handed paper bags to my father.I could never see what was i bags but i knew it was something illegal.Whatever he popped or smoked made him act crazy for