How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) by DeYtH Banger (best book club books of all time .TXT) 📖

once had is to let go with grace instead of trying to hold onto something that's no longer meant to be.

And in doing so, a space will open up for the love that's meant to be to come your way.  

— Janet

 

 

The Silent Treatment NEVER Works. 6 BETTER Ways To Communicate

 

 

 

Your silence says more than you realize. And everything it says is hurtful.

Does your partner just stop talking to you when you have a dispute, or when you do something he or she isn't happy about. How is that working out for your relationship?

 

When your partner gives you "the silent treatment" to show disapproval, they're broadcasting so much more about themselves. Why?

She wants to demonstrate power in the relationship (It doesn't!) He thinks you'll give in without him having to do or say anything (Not likely!) She's willing to punish both of you by withholding love and/or intimacy (Ouch!) He lacks the skills to communicate, and won't risk trying (Buck up!) She remembers a previous argument that didn't go so well (So what?) He's afraid he'll lose the argument if he opens his mouth (Get better skills!)

And you have a part in all that, too. Apparently, you two didn't learn to communicate well yet, especially when things don't go well. Always look at your part first when troubles arise; don't resort to blaming as your default.

A man in my anger management class asked me, "How long does ‘the silent treatment' usually last?"

Interesting question, as I just taught how the cold shoulder is one step toward escalating anger and violence, and he really sat up and took notice.

 

I asked him, "So how long does your wife go without speaking to you?"

"Six weeks."

"Oh, that's the more than the cold shoulder AND the silent treatment. That's being frozen out completely."

He needed to know that this was probably because she did not know how to speak about difficult things. She may feel afraid to bring things up because it previously didn't go well with him. Or, she learned to bottle things up when she was still at home with her family, and now doesn't trust that things with him will turn out any differently.

I suggested that she probably wanted to talk with him, but needed to feel very safe doing it. She probably longs for real partnership, and feels very cheated that she can't safely share her feelings with him. That would be a good thing to talk about very soon.

Was that their issue? Did he want to listen? Was he able to really listen? Or, was he afraid of hearing that he was failing in some areas and that possibility scares him?

 

It's common for folks to get scared, and then get very defensive. That often even escalates into anger.

It's very touchy. People can react in out-of-proportion ways when they feel that someone is attacking their self-worth, but it's likely that's not what's going on at all.

 

One couple I worked with finally admitted—not easily—that no matter how gently the husband tried to bring up things they really needed to talk about, the wife shut him down and made him wrong. She could not tolerate the idea that there was anything wrong with her, her approach, or her style.

It scared her to her core to think she was still thought of as not good enough. She lived with that her whole life. So, when her husband wanted to resolve things, she took it as a personal blow and reacted with verbal violence. She shut down so she didn't have to risk.

Her husband decided to suffer in silence. Finally, he could not. It wasn't until it was clear she was losing him that she was willing to work towards real communication. That took work, but we made it.

 

6 Things To Do Rather Than Clam Up

 

Calm down before speaking about the issue. Ask for time to talk about what you are feeling, without interruption or debate. Be willing to listen to your partner, without judgment or defensiveness. Take responsibility for your feelings and refrain from blaming your partner for them. Ask for what you want from your partner. Be willing to hear "yes" or "no." There are no "have to's" in relationships.

That sounds peaceful, right? It sounds grown-up, and that's exactly right.

Real grown-ups have conversations that solve problems; kids fight and take their toys and go home. The silent treatment is the adult version.

 

Grown-ups talk things through, learn about each other, and make mutual, positive decisions about their relationship. That takes skills. The good news is that those skills are learnable.

 

 

 

 

4 Reasons Smart Women Date More Than One Guy At A Time

 

 

Never put all your eggs in one basket.

 

Why do women feel they should date only one man at a time? Instead, they should try their hand at dating multiple people at once.

I was never very good at playing the field. When a man showed a genuine interest in me, I would stop dating other men for one big reason: I lacked the confidence to juggle several men at once because I doubted my self-worth.

 

 

I was never comfortable playing the field by dating two guys at a time — I felt sneaky and unethical. I didn’t know how to deal with two men texting and calling me and how to handle their sexual advances. I was afraid if a guy found out that I was dating someone else, he would drop me.

 

 

When I was smitten with a new man (fantasizing that he liked me as much as I liked him), I immediately declined date invitations from other men. That rarely worked out for me; he would sense my relationship agenda and he would stop calling me.

If I casually (accidently) slept with a man, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. I threw all my eggs into his basket and we dated until he disappeared into the night.

 

Putting all your focus on dating one man limits your opportunities to meet your ideal life’s partner.

 

Dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels. You invest your time, energy and emotions in a man and then weeks or months later you decide he’s the wrong man. You become intimately involved with a so-so man, you put another notch on your bedpost and he dumps you. OUCH! You forfeit opportunities to date a variety of men, one who could have been your perfect match.

As long as you are respectful to the feelings of the men you date (you’re not a “player” or a “sleepover”) and you are truly looking for the qualities in a man that will lead to a meaningful, committed relationship, not only is it okay to date several guys at one, it’s the path to finding true love.

 

Here are 4 vital reasons all smart women should date multiple men at once:

 

1. It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous men.

 

Some women instinctively know the traits and qualities they truly value in a life partner. Others learn through trial and error and heartbreak. Evaluating men with your intellect, and not your emotions, can fast track you to the right man.

 

 

2. It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills.

 

Having the amorous attention from two (or more) men has a way of making a woman feel desired and empowered, increasing your confidence and self-assurance. Dating is like interviewing for a job; with each interview (date) you hone your communication skills, you become more at ease with the interview (dating) process, and you learn to more accurately assess the potential of a job position (man). 

 

3. It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.

 

If you fall in love quickly and then romanticize and obsess about the outcome of a possible relationship, you need a reality check. Keeping a diary while dating two men can help you curb your infatuation and sentimental longings. Record both men’s desirable traits, as well as their objectionable behavior and then heed the facts.

A guy may be handsome, successful and intriguing, but he lacks the qualities necessary to maintain a long-term relationship.

 

4. It sends a man the subliminal message: he'll have to work to win your heart.

 

 

Men are not stupid; they can sense when you are dating another man. The fact that you are dating someone else tells him that you are worth pursuing. If he really likes you, his competitive nature will kick in and he will want to have you all to himself. However, if you flaunt that you are dating other men, you play hard to get, or he is casually dating you, he may decide it takes too much effort to pursue you.

 

Now, send yourself an note: A man is NOT your boyfriend until he tells you that you're the woman of his dreams, he wants you to meet his mom, he's closing his online dating account and he wants you to do the same, and he asks you if you prefer yellow gold or white gold jewelry.

 

 

25 Things You MUST Know Before Dating (As Told By A Wise Mom)

 

 

 

Mother knows best ... even if you don't listen the first time.

 

As mother's it's our job to protect our dear daughter as long as possible, from scraped knees to broken hearts. But, every now and then we can spare you the pain (or try damn hard to) with a warning or a bit of motherly advice.

Most things you'll have to discover for yourself (especially concerning men), but it's our hope that if we arm you with the knowledge then you'll only have to endure each love lesson once before seeing that mom really does know best and you really do deserve the best — thus, decreasing your odds of heartbreak in the long run, as it's usually not 100 percent avoidable. 

So, in honor of mothers and mother figures around the world, here are 25 golden nuggets of motherly advice about your love/dating life:

 

 

1. Never Learn To Clean A Fish ... Or Else ...

 

Never learn to clean a fish or you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. Slow down your walk, because if he doesn't open the door for you the first time, he probably never will

 

2. Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

Or all your dates in one basket, until you're talking about the honeymoon in Jamaica.

 

3. Pretty Is As Pretty Does

If you're feeling like the wicked witch on the inside, your date will see it on the outside ... no matter how beautiful you are. 

 

 

4. You Can Be Anything You Desire ...

... unless, of course, you want to be inauthentic. Inauthentic is the worst thing you can be when you're single (or a human).

 

5. Learn Something New ... Everyday

Read an article about the way men think here. It will do you worlds of good. 

 

6. You Don't Have To Have The Last Word

Or the last text. If he doesn't ask you a direct question, you don't need a response to a response. Please ladies, leave a little mystery.

 

7. You Can Be Pretty And Smart

Kudos to this one. You can be pretty, but don't let the smarts with your date become a competition.

 

8. Never Write Down Anything You Don't Want Someone To Read

I actually encourage this kind of writing, but if you really don't want anyone else to read it, keep it hidden, or get out the Zippo.

 

9. Turn Off the Lights

Light a candle. Not only will you save on your electricity bill, but the shadows will do you both wonders.

 

10. A Bit of Booze Will Make You Feel Better

A bit of booze might take the edge off, but a lot of booze will make the toilet your new best friend.

 

 

11. Find Humor in Everything

If you trip on your way into the coffee shop, bring attention to it and have a good laugh about it.

 

12. When You're In A Relationship Keep Your Friends

You don't want a man to become your whole world, just a nice, tasty piece of it.

 

13. Never Go Out in Dirty Underwear.

Need I say more? Just don't.

 

14. Be yourself

This is the most important piece of advice when you are single and dating. If you can't be yourself, then who can you be?

 

15. Don't Believe Everything You Hear

If he tells you he's slept with every other woman on the first date, don't believe him.

 

16. Small Minds Talk About Small Things

"OMG! Can you believe that Sally slept with