Her Love Fades... by Kerry Boo.. (books under 200 pages .TXT) đ
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yu may have shattered my heart in twoâŠMade it bleed, caused me pain and endless tearsâŠI still fucking need yu. But I am the one here with the bleeding heartâŠWalking the earth and feeling so fucking alone </3 For LukeâŠ*
Andi grabs the poem and throws it inside her binder before she gets started on another one. Andi bites down on her eraser trying to decide what to write. `write what your feeling` she thinks to herself. Then grabs her pencil and starts writing.
*Do yu ever know⊠when yu need to say goodbye to someone who keeps on making yu cryâŠBecause that would be now, I think I need to let yu goâŠItâs not the sameâŠ..As it used to beâŠCause now Iâm just suffering from a bleeding heart, Knowing that yu still hold it in yur hand, yu could crush it in a second. I think itâs time that I let yu go⊠I guess I have to move on and say goodbye⊠walk away from everything that we could have had*
Andi finishes and throws that one in her binder too. She sits there writing poems all day, ignoring her phone every time it rang.
The next day in school Andiâs walking in the hall close to the lockers to stay out of everybodyâs way, someone bumps into her and her binder falls out of her hand, embarrassed she grabs her binder and walks away when someone grabs her shoulder, Andi turns around to see who it was.
âHey Andi.â
âHi Luke.â
âAre you ok?â
âWhy wouldnât I be?â
âWell you didnât answer any of my calls.â Luke says leaning against the wall.
âSorry.â
âBut your ok right?â
âSure.â Andi says biting her tongue and walking off
Luke<3
âAndi wait!â I call after her, noticing she dropped some papers out of her binder. I grab them and whisper âIâll give them to her later.â So I just slipped them in my folder and walk away. I sit down and curiosity gets the best of me, so I open the folder that I put Andiâs poems in, I have to read them... I grab the first One and start to read it
*Iâm so brokenâŠHow doesnât he see it? </3 How does he miss the tears threatening to spill over when I see himâŠHe always knew when I had a fake smile on and something was wrongâŠNow when somethingâs wrong, he doesnât ask⊠Maybe because he knows whatâs wrong⊠I lost him and all I want to do is die. </3 Donât tell me that laugh made yu think I was ok⊠Because Iâm not without him, I am completely and hopelessly lost⊠I donât even want to live another day. Knowing that every single smile I put on to show them that I am ok is a lie. I hate lying to the people who love me⊠But if they knew the truth it would hurt them so much more. But how doesnât he see, that I am not ok. Itâs cold, cold in my heart⊠But if yu look at me and yu see a tear escaping down my face, Donât ask me if I am ok, I canât stand lying to yu.. </3 *
I finish reading the poem and I punch my desk. I am so irritated right now. I walk out of the classroom when I hear soft foot steps behind me, I want to whirl around and knock whoever followed me out, but I keep calm and take a deep breath, I turn around to see my teacher Mrs. Rasa following me. She looks generally concerned.
âLuke are you ok?â she asked me softly.
âNo, I am not ok. What the fuck is ok?â I donât even bother hiding the anger and confusion in my voice. I stand there waiting for her to yell at me for âinappropriate language.â
âWhat happened?â she doesnât scold me for swearing.
âItâs a girl.â Is all I can say.
âOh Andi right?â she asked leaning against the wall.
âYes.â I whisper sliding down the wall slowly.
âTell me what happened.â
âMy dumb ass made a mistake and cheated on her, then she forgave me and fucking Becca had to kiss me and ruin everything.â
âHow did Becca ruin it?â
âShe kissed me, and I was stupid and I didnât try to stop herâŠâ
âOh dear Lucas. I am so sorry.â
âI donât deserve someone like Andi, But she wanted to get back together and I just donât want to hurt her anymore⊠And I donât know how to tell her that I donât deserve her, without hurting her, and making her think that I donât want her.â
âWell what was that about in there?â
âI found some poems that she wrote⊠And I need to talk to her right now!â I say hoping that was the end.
âOk⊠Luke⊠Go.â
âThanks.â I said.
I walk away. Whether she letting me go or not, I was going. I stop at Andiâs homeroom and knock on the door. The teacher Mr. whatever (couldnât think of anything. Lol) opens the door
âLuke what are you doing here?â he asked in a puzzled tone.
âCan I talk to Andi?â
âLuke you do know that homeroom is over in less than 5 minutes right?â
âyes I know that, but I really need to talk to her.â
âWell ok... I guess. Mr. whatever steps inside and calls Andi to the door. Andi walks up to the door.
âAndi Luke said he needs to talk to you... like right now I guess.â
âI have to do my homework."
âAndi please, this wonât take long.â I begged her; I would have gotten down on my knees if she would have refused again.
âFine.â
âOk Andi, Luke... I guess go to the hall and talk, Iâll shut the door.â With that he turns and shuts the door
Andi<3
There I was sitting in my desk waiting for school to start when someone knocks on the door⊠Mr. whatever gets up and I hear him say Luke, I sit there and cross my fingers and I sit there hoping⊠saying please donât let that be Luke Wilson. Well I knew it was when Mr. Whatever calls me to the door. Oh shit is the only thing I can say⊠so I repeat it over and over again in my head. I get to the doorway and Luke is standing there, it looks like he had been crying so I cross my arms and fight the urge to hold him, Mr. whatever had told me that Luke would like to talk to me right now, so I quickly say I have my homework that I need to get done, but Mr. whatever rushes me into the hall way and slams the door shut⊠Now all I hear is Lukeâs shallow breath and the steady beat of my broken heart, this once would have been heaven standing here with Lucas⊠well now its hell. I stand there for the longest time just waiting for him to take his eyes off me and say something, but they were locked on me the entire time. I stand there getting irritated and I turn to walk back into class when Lukeâs hoarse and cracked voice begs me not to go. SO I gradually sit down on the floor and wait for him to begin.
âAndi I know I messed up.â I hear him say finally after what feels like forever. âBut you donât need to kill yourself⊠Now please donât get pissed at me but I found some poems that you wrote and they broke my heart⊠You shouldnât blame yourself about what happened⊠the only person here to be blamed would be me.â
âLuke⊠you werenât supposed to see those.â That was the only thing I could think to say⊠I mean how I can make him feel better, when I canât even make myself feel better.
âI know I wasnât Andi. But I came here to beg you not to die. Donât kill yourself.â Luke slowly walks away from the door and sits in front of me making me want to run.
âLuke I canât promise you anything.â I say already feeling defeated, and I had only been there for a matter of minutes.
âAndi I know that you want to get back together.â I hear him half say, I am to busy watching the way his lips formed my name. I quickly snap out of it and force my attention towards his words. âAnd I want to get back with you too. And I have been trying to figure out how I am supposed to tell you this, because I donât want to hurt you⊠or make you think something is wrong with you. But⊠I wonât go back out with you.â
I had heard enough, I couldnât listen to him any more because I knew soon I would start crying. So all I could do was shake my head. I stood up and I walked away towards the girlsâ bathroom. I could feel the floor lift up slightly as he gotten up to follow me.
âAndi it isnât against you. You are perfect.â
I didnât want to listen to a word he said anymore, when he said you are perfect I had to stand there and try not to yell lies. He just doesnât give up does he? Because he keeps following me. I decide itâs time to give him a chance and explain what he was talking about⊠I mean he at least deserved that much.
âLuke I understand you donât want to date me anymore.â
âI donât think you do. Andi⊠you are perfect, I donât deserve someone as great as you.â
âI am not as great as you think, and I will not stand watching you fall in love with Becca all over againâŠâ
I had made a split second descion to tell him that we couldnât talk anymore⊠and we couldnât be friends.
âWhat are you talking about Andi? I will never fall in love with someone as much as I have fallen in love with you. I will never replace you. You are the only girl that I ever want⊠And the only girl Iâll never haveâŠ.â
I stood there watching Luke, I was tearing up I listened to every word he had to say, I could feel my heart falling more and more, the stitches that Luke had once used were falling apart⊠And it hurt like hell.
Luke<3
I finally get her to talk to me, all to crush her dreams. I hate myself for thisâŠI will never forgive myself⊠but I have toâŠshe stands there silent the girl that I was so in love with⊠She was standing in front of me, and I was breaking her heart. I could not feel any worse, I could see the tears escaping down her face, and all I want to do is reach out and wipe them away, and hold her in my arms. And tell her that I will never let go. But right now, I need to do what is best for her. Even though breaking her heart right now seems like the worst thing possible, I have to⊠because itâs really going to prove to be the best thing that I could have done. I sat up all night arguing with myself trying to give myself different reasons of why breaking her heart was ok. The only one I came up with was a saying âgiving up doesnât mean your weak, it means your strong enough to let goâ ya thatâs the thing that made my descion. I stand there staring at her, trying to avoid looking into her eyes, because I know doing soâŠ
Andi grabs the poem and throws it inside her binder before she gets started on another one. Andi bites down on her eraser trying to decide what to write. `write what your feeling` she thinks to herself. Then grabs her pencil and starts writing.
*Do yu ever know⊠when yu need to say goodbye to someone who keeps on making yu cryâŠBecause that would be now, I think I need to let yu goâŠItâs not the sameâŠ..As it used to beâŠCause now Iâm just suffering from a bleeding heart, Knowing that yu still hold it in yur hand, yu could crush it in a second. I think itâs time that I let yu go⊠I guess I have to move on and say goodbye⊠walk away from everything that we could have had*
Andi finishes and throws that one in her binder too. She sits there writing poems all day, ignoring her phone every time it rang.
The next day in school Andiâs walking in the hall close to the lockers to stay out of everybodyâs way, someone bumps into her and her binder falls out of her hand, embarrassed she grabs her binder and walks away when someone grabs her shoulder, Andi turns around to see who it was.
âHey Andi.â
âHi Luke.â
âAre you ok?â
âWhy wouldnât I be?â
âWell you didnât answer any of my calls.â Luke says leaning against the wall.
âSorry.â
âBut your ok right?â
âSure.â Andi says biting her tongue and walking off
Luke<3
âAndi wait!â I call after her, noticing she dropped some papers out of her binder. I grab them and whisper âIâll give them to her later.â So I just slipped them in my folder and walk away. I sit down and curiosity gets the best of me, so I open the folder that I put Andiâs poems in, I have to read them... I grab the first One and start to read it
*Iâm so brokenâŠHow doesnât he see it? </3 How does he miss the tears threatening to spill over when I see himâŠHe always knew when I had a fake smile on and something was wrongâŠNow when somethingâs wrong, he doesnât ask⊠Maybe because he knows whatâs wrong⊠I lost him and all I want to do is die. </3 Donât tell me that laugh made yu think I was ok⊠Because Iâm not without him, I am completely and hopelessly lost⊠I donât even want to live another day. Knowing that every single smile I put on to show them that I am ok is a lie. I hate lying to the people who love me⊠But if they knew the truth it would hurt them so much more. But how doesnât he see, that I am not ok. Itâs cold, cold in my heart⊠But if yu look at me and yu see a tear escaping down my face, Donât ask me if I am ok, I canât stand lying to yu.. </3 *
I finish reading the poem and I punch my desk. I am so irritated right now. I walk out of the classroom when I hear soft foot steps behind me, I want to whirl around and knock whoever followed me out, but I keep calm and take a deep breath, I turn around to see my teacher Mrs. Rasa following me. She looks generally concerned.
âLuke are you ok?â she asked me softly.
âNo, I am not ok. What the fuck is ok?â I donât even bother hiding the anger and confusion in my voice. I stand there waiting for her to yell at me for âinappropriate language.â
âWhat happened?â she doesnât scold me for swearing.
âItâs a girl.â Is all I can say.
âOh Andi right?â she asked leaning against the wall.
âYes.â I whisper sliding down the wall slowly.
âTell me what happened.â
âMy dumb ass made a mistake and cheated on her, then she forgave me and fucking Becca had to kiss me and ruin everything.â
âHow did Becca ruin it?â
âShe kissed me, and I was stupid and I didnât try to stop herâŠâ
âOh dear Lucas. I am so sorry.â
âI donât deserve someone like Andi, But she wanted to get back together and I just donât want to hurt her anymore⊠And I donât know how to tell her that I donât deserve her, without hurting her, and making her think that I donât want her.â
âWell what was that about in there?â
âI found some poems that she wrote⊠And I need to talk to her right now!â I say hoping that was the end.
âOk⊠Luke⊠Go.â
âThanks.â I said.
I walk away. Whether she letting me go or not, I was going. I stop at Andiâs homeroom and knock on the door. The teacher Mr. whatever (couldnât think of anything. Lol) opens the door
âLuke what are you doing here?â he asked in a puzzled tone.
âCan I talk to Andi?â
âLuke you do know that homeroom is over in less than 5 minutes right?â
âyes I know that, but I really need to talk to her.â
âWell ok... I guess. Mr. whatever steps inside and calls Andi to the door. Andi walks up to the door.
âAndi Luke said he needs to talk to you... like right now I guess.â
âI have to do my homework."
âAndi please, this wonât take long.â I begged her; I would have gotten down on my knees if she would have refused again.
âFine.â
âOk Andi, Luke... I guess go to the hall and talk, Iâll shut the door.â With that he turns and shuts the door
Andi<3
There I was sitting in my desk waiting for school to start when someone knocks on the door⊠Mr. whatever gets up and I hear him say Luke, I sit there and cross my fingers and I sit there hoping⊠saying please donât let that be Luke Wilson. Well I knew it was when Mr. Whatever calls me to the door. Oh shit is the only thing I can say⊠so I repeat it over and over again in my head. I get to the doorway and Luke is standing there, it looks like he had been crying so I cross my arms and fight the urge to hold him, Mr. whatever had told me that Luke would like to talk to me right now, so I quickly say I have my homework that I need to get done, but Mr. whatever rushes me into the hall way and slams the door shut⊠Now all I hear is Lukeâs shallow breath and the steady beat of my broken heart, this once would have been heaven standing here with Lucas⊠well now its hell. I stand there for the longest time just waiting for him to take his eyes off me and say something, but they were locked on me the entire time. I stand there getting irritated and I turn to walk back into class when Lukeâs hoarse and cracked voice begs me not to go. SO I gradually sit down on the floor and wait for him to begin.
âAndi I know I messed up.â I hear him say finally after what feels like forever. âBut you donât need to kill yourself⊠Now please donât get pissed at me but I found some poems that you wrote and they broke my heart⊠You shouldnât blame yourself about what happened⊠the only person here to be blamed would be me.â
âLuke⊠you werenât supposed to see those.â That was the only thing I could think to say⊠I mean how I can make him feel better, when I canât even make myself feel better.
âI know I wasnât Andi. But I came here to beg you not to die. Donât kill yourself.â Luke slowly walks away from the door and sits in front of me making me want to run.
âLuke I canât promise you anything.â I say already feeling defeated, and I had only been there for a matter of minutes.
âAndi I know that you want to get back together.â I hear him half say, I am to busy watching the way his lips formed my name. I quickly snap out of it and force my attention towards his words. âAnd I want to get back with you too. And I have been trying to figure out how I am supposed to tell you this, because I donât want to hurt you⊠or make you think something is wrong with you. But⊠I wonât go back out with you.â
I had heard enough, I couldnât listen to him any more because I knew soon I would start crying. So all I could do was shake my head. I stood up and I walked away towards the girlsâ bathroom. I could feel the floor lift up slightly as he gotten up to follow me.
âAndi it isnât against you. You are perfect.â
I didnât want to listen to a word he said anymore, when he said you are perfect I had to stand there and try not to yell lies. He just doesnât give up does he? Because he keeps following me. I decide itâs time to give him a chance and explain what he was talking about⊠I mean he at least deserved that much.
âLuke I understand you donât want to date me anymore.â
âI donât think you do. Andi⊠you are perfect, I donât deserve someone as great as you.â
âI am not as great as you think, and I will not stand watching you fall in love with Becca all over againâŠâ
I had made a split second descion to tell him that we couldnât talk anymore⊠and we couldnât be friends.
âWhat are you talking about Andi? I will never fall in love with someone as much as I have fallen in love with you. I will never replace you. You are the only girl that I ever want⊠And the only girl Iâll never haveâŠ.â
I stood there watching Luke, I was tearing up I listened to every word he had to say, I could feel my heart falling more and more, the stitches that Luke had once used were falling apart⊠And it hurt like hell.
Luke<3
I finally get her to talk to me, all to crush her dreams. I hate myself for thisâŠI will never forgive myself⊠but I have toâŠshe stands there silent the girl that I was so in love with⊠She was standing in front of me, and I was breaking her heart. I could not feel any worse, I could see the tears escaping down her face, and all I want to do is reach out and wipe them away, and hold her in my arms. And tell her that I will never let go. But right now, I need to do what is best for her. Even though breaking her heart right now seems like the worst thing possible, I have to⊠because itâs really going to prove to be the best thing that I could have done. I sat up all night arguing with myself trying to give myself different reasons of why breaking her heart was ok. The only one I came up with was a saying âgiving up doesnât mean your weak, it means your strong enough to let goâ ya thatâs the thing that made my descion. I stand there staring at her, trying to avoid looking into her eyes, because I know doing soâŠ
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