Flowers by Nichole Hall (best life changing books txt) 📖

Monday rolls around. With Mandy and I still on the outs I didn’t expect Charlie to still be picking me up, but there he was bright and early in the morning. Morning classes were boring except for the pop quiz in history. Yesterday had been study day. Kevin, no matter the convincing techniques, was not able to persuade me to hang out. Mostly, I did study, but at some points my mind would wander and think about who he chose for Sunday’s conquest. Was it Clarissa? Internally, I was kicking myself for even conjuring up those thoughts in the first place. The studying did help with acing the quiz, though. 

At lunch Lucky approaches more giddy than normal, throwing his arm over my shoulder as per usual, he cannot keep the happy glow from his face. Finally, I give in.

“Okay, who is she and when can I meet her?” 

“Friday. Party at my house.” 

“Okay, I was kidding, but who is the girl?

We take a seat at the lunch table. I can’t help but wonder if Clarissa and Trina will keep their comments to themselves today. Especially if Kevin was with her yesterday. No matter how many times I tell myself to stop thinking like that, it’s the truth of the matter. Kevin and I hooked up for the weekend. He never made any promises of more days and not to hookup with other girls. Therefore, I would rather not play ignorant to the situation and be told the truth upfront. That’s assuming if Kevin would tell me.

“Hello. Anyone home?” Lucky taps my forehead. I swipe his hand away giggling, 

“Sorry, moment of brain relapse. Continue.”

“There is no girl. Just a party at my house Friday.”

“Okay.” I bite into my sandwich. Lucky and Luke look at me like I’ve got two heads. “What?”

“In female lingo, okay has many different meanings.” Luke explains. 

This causes me to roll my eyes. “My okay means, okay I will be there.”

“Whoop, whoop!” Luke and Lucky high five, then turn to Herman to include him on their little man celebration. 

“Awe, so cute.” 

Tingles spread down my spine, my Kevin radar is going off, notifying me he is nearby. Looking down to avoid looking around is the best solution. It works until he takes a seat, right next to Clarissa. What’s worse is the way she inches closer to him, whispering in his hear. Dread spreads, making me nauseous. 

“So, last night was fun.” She definitely didn’t try to keep that a whisper. It’s like the whole table freezes at her words. Avoiding their direction altogether, I look up from discarded sandwich to find Charlie scrunching his eyebrows in my direction. He looks at Kevin, then back at me, no longer scrunching them but raising them in question. My mouth pops open just enough, to where realization hits. Charlie knows about us. He knows and he is not happy that Clarissa and Kevin are still hooking up too. Oh man.

“Are you going to eat that?” Lucky points to the peanut butter and jelly sandwich missing one bite.

“Go at it.”

“So are you going for sure on Friday, Willow?” Mandy asks. I look up at Charlie trying to decide whether or not he told her. As he flicks his head to the left, it calms me down a bit. Yelling at Mandy for dating a guy who slept around and then going and being one of those girls with his best friend, is way more than hypocritical. It would be like pointing my own “I told you so” back at my face. “Willow?” She tries again.

“Damn girl. You are all spaced out today.” I try laughing it off to convince them there is nothing wrong.

“Scatter brains, what can I do? And to answer your question, yes.”

“Cool, want to get ready together? Maybe we can find you a hot date for the Halloween Dance.” 

“Uh yeah. Sounds good.”

“Psh, like she can get a hot date.”

That girl, really that girl. Trying to be the bigger person, I stay quiet this time not even bothering to look in that direction but keeping my focus on Mandy. The comebacks to Clarissa before were because of her unidentified bitchiness to me, now I know if I snap it will be because of Kevin. Who, honestly, probably isn’t worth it. Tell that to the pain below, though. 

I stay quiet on the ride home. It would have been too obvious if I refused a ride. This past weekend I wanted a distraction and got it, maybe that’s why he called me over on Sunday. He knew what happened. Man, why did I have to go and tell him? Mandy doesn’t even know yet. 

“Are you really going to party on Friday?”

“Why doesn’t anybody believe I will go?” I growl in frustration. Seriously though, Lucky and Luke asked at least ten times during lunch if I was still going. 

“Because you have never before.”

True. “I said I would go. That means yes in my book.” 

It’s been hard, but doable not looking at Kevin all day. Even now, with only two feet separating us, my stare has been out the window with my back to him. Kevin makes a sharp u-turn, turning away from my house and back into town.

“Where are you going?” 

He doesn’t answer. Inner fury wins out, forcing me to face him. A knife, dagger or bullet couldn’t unveil the mask he wears. 

“Kevin, take me home.”

Still, no answer. His foot presses on the gas pedal harder, our bodies are pushed back from the force as he races through town, passed his gates only to stomp on the brakes flying me forward, in front of his house. 

Calmly, he takes the keys out of the ignition and gets out. I watch as he swaggers in no hurry to his front door, unlocking it and leaving it open as he disappears inside. 

Scrambling out, even more irritated before I walk through the foyer to find him sitting in the den. With legs kicked up and the remote in his hand he seems like nothing is to bother him.

“Are you going to stand there all day or sit down?”

The nerve. “I want to go home. Now.”

“Shouldn’t have taken the ride home then.”

“Whatever, Kevin.” That’s the word females use when they are done arguing and feel depleted, Luke would say. “I’ll call Charlie.”

Kevin is up so fast, if he were a normal person, he would have gotten dizzy.

“What do you want from me, Willow? You knew the rules coming into this.” What a mistake that was, I wish I could say. Being honest though, it wasn’t. Whether or not his intention was to make me feel better about my situation and myself, it did. This whole weekend did. Sad, but true. “Willow, look at me.”

It was no easy task removing my fake gaze at my phone to Kevin, because the fear that nothing is in his eyes scares me the most. As if in slow motion, my eyes flicker up and up until meeting his. They are empty shells of coldness. 

“Are you going to answer me?”

“What do you want me to say? That everything is fucking peachy with this situation? Why did it have to be Clarissa of all people Kevin? You know that skank will throw this in my face, you know she will give me hell for this.” Still, nothing flickers in his eyes. It’s hopeless. “Look at us, we can’t even get along together. This was a mistake. This whole weekend should not have happened.”

Even though the words don’t ring an ounce of truth, the fear that one move and somehow we would end up sleeping together. Kevin would find that as a way of it beings okay. Which it isn’t, not with Clarissa. Not with Kevin sleeping with other girls, but especially not Clarissa. I keep reminding myself that I came into this knowing everything, it’s my own fault. Yet, part of the blame falls on Kevin. It’s a toss up if that is fair to him or not. 

Charlie comes fifteen minutes later. The gate was left open and I didn’t want to be seen walking out of Kevin’s home from the town. More rumors about my family don’t need to be spread. He doesn’t say anything when I get in. He didn’t say anything but, “I’m on my way,” when I called for a ride. He doesn’t have to. I messed up.

“Don’t tell Mandy, please.” I whisper.

“I won’t.” Charlie takes a deep breath, offering a brief glance before turning back to the road. “You shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with him.”

“I know, trust me.”

“I don’t think you really do Willow.” He sounds so disappointed. In me or in Kevin?

“What are you trying to say Charlie?”

“Kevin is just different. We all have our issues and deal with them differently. Kevin does his dealing by never getting into relationships where people can love him. Friendships are even hard for him. Out of all of our friends, Kevin tells me the most. Which isn’t much to begin with. Willow, Kevin needs someone to fight for his love, to fight for him in general.”

“Well, Clarissa can have the job. He clearly goes back to her anytime he feels an itch he needs to scratch.”

“Did you even ask him if he did screw her?” 

Well, not in so many words. Charlie takes my silence as a no. 

“Charlie, it’s Kevin.”

“That’s my point. It is Kevin, and Kevin may say one thing, but his actions read otherwise.”

Those are Charlie’s parting words before stopping at my house. With nothing left to say, I mumble a confused and awkward thanks.

Tuesday and Wednesday I waited for Charlie to get out of school for a ride home. During those forty five minutes, I would duck out of class early and go straight to the library. Studying is something I know how to do, dealing with boys is whole other situation. 

Sitting next to Kevin in class always left me pent up in frustration, but also need. The boy oozes sex appeal, and I am not immune to it. In front of our friends we acted normal, we throw words at each other with underlying meanings while everyone else thinks we are just at each other’s throats as normal. I haven’t slapped him in the back of the head though. Just the thought of us touching in anyway sends shivers all over my body. How can one weekend with him become so addicting?

It isn’t until I get home on Wednesday that grandma notices something is off.

“Sit down, child.” I do. She walks around the dusty couch, taking a seat on the coffee table directly across from me. “Okay, is it your mom?”

I want to lie, really, but she will see right through it. So, taking a deep breath I ask a question that’s never been asked before. “How long did you know grandpa before you knew you were in love with him?”

A faint smile crosses her face, her eyes zero in on the roof, lost in a memory.

“Oh child, I knew the first day we met.”

“Will you tell me?” Eagerly she nods. I don’t know why it’s never occurred to ask her before.

“We were sixteen and in school. The war was raging on and I was an anti-war protestor. Your grandfather was waiting for the day for him to be drafted.