Flowers by Nichole Hall (best life changing books txt) 📖

It was 1941, the first year of the US officially entering. Oh honey, we despised each other at school, making snide and rude comments from across the hall. We created our own war in school, just he and I. When he left to go fight, I always checked up on him through his parents. He came home injured, did you know that?”

“No, was he alright?” Grandma sadly nods.

“A gunshot wound to the arm, but his head wasn’t all there." Using an index finger, she taps her temple. "It took years for him to get over the nightmares. I stayed by his side the day he came home until the day he was declared mentally sane. We got married a few months later.”

“Did you ever talk about what happened?”

“Willow, men at war have a hard time. If they talk, it’s tidbits here and there and you don’t ask. It’s not easy for them to talk about it. Creating art through wood was his outlet, and at first a hobby became a career for him. A career he loved and passed to your father.”

The oven dings. Grandma hobbles up, patting my shoulder on the way.

“Making my baked mac n cheese. Pre-heat is ready.” She continues on to the kitchen, still leaving unclarity to the situation.

****

Thursday morning Lucky and Herman walk over to Charlie’s car. I love Herman’s hugs, they are so warm and comforting, always making my morning. Today doesn’t disappoint.

“You’re coming tomorrow right?” He asks in that deep monotone voice. 

“Of course. You going to protect me from the creeps?”

“That’s my job.” Lucky bounces up, taking me from Herman’s arms into his. Swinging me around from behind, Lucky continues in circles until I have to scream at him stop. A dizzy spell makes me stick out my arms like a drunk person trying to walk. Hands grip my waist from behind, without thought I relax against the body behind. It’s familiar scent, the familiar muscles caressing every inch of my body bringing it higher and higher. Why can’t things be simple for us? 

Kevin keeps his hold on me, even when Clarissa and Trina join. Either none of our friends take notice, or think it’s natural for us to be like this. Which it isn’t. Kevin has never been the touchy feel-y type in public that I’ve seen.

“We need to talk.” Warm breath caresses the back of my neck sending shivers along my body. Turning just a bit, Kevin notices the effects he has on me. His laughing eyes tell me we aren’t over, not a by a long shot.

Letting out a deep breath, “okay.”

“I’ll take you home today.” 

“Okay.” 

The bell rings, Kevin and I move apart from each other. I instantly miss the warmth of his touch. Knowing that thinking about this all day will distract me, I chose not to during my classes or even at lunch. I pay full attention in all my classes, even physics where my nemesis sits right next to me, even when Lucky puckers his lips after class and I slap them away. 

Not until we are heading towards nowhere in particular, is the facade dropped. It took me awhile, but I realize that I have been acting like the jealous girlfriend, without a right to do so. My eyes graze over Kevin as he drives with one arm, leaning his head on his other on the window. Looking so relaxed and carefree, it’s a no wonder I went for him in the first place. His personality washed on me this past weekend, helping me to forget and continuing to forget those feelings of unwanted, and hurt. He helped me get over my own stupid pity party.

“I’m sorry.” I blurt out, before losing my nerve. Kevin doesn’t say anything, just pulls over into a deserted road, parking about another mile inland. Climbing out of the truck, he grabs a blanket from the backseat placing it in his truck bed. Lowering the hatch in the back, he nods his head to join him. With no other choice, I follow suit until we are laying on our backs staring at the blue sky.

A comfortable silence washes over. We stayed like that for almost an hour, not talking, just breathing in the day air as the sun crossed across the sky heading more westward. Some trees scatter around and in the light breeze the swaying of the leaves, and the sound of birds chirping every so often fill in the quiet. 

“I feel like I can breathe out here.” With his arms behind his head and eyes closed, it’s hard to telling the meaning behind his words.

“Do you feeling suffocated in town?” His eyes pop open, almost vulnerable. It throws me back a bit, unsure where this conversation is going.

“Sometimes.”

Pulling up and forwards, with my legs together I lean my head on knees and wrap my arms around them. Did you ever ask if he did screw her?

“Did you have sex with Clarissa on Sunday?” I knew I had to be specific, because he has had sex with her before. When I glance back at Kevin, everything is shut off again. “I hate when you cut yourself off.” Still nothing fazes him. This conversation is digging a hole fast. 

“Yes.”

Crap. The blow hurts, and the emotions swirling inside are confusing. 

“If it had been any other girl, would you be acting this way?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

Slowly the sky turns to an orange purple color. Soon the sun will set and the moon and stars will light up the sky. 

“I can’t promise you a relationship, Willow.” Pursing my lips, I look back at Kevin. Even with his guarded disguise, emotional turmoil shows on his face. Making a bold move, I climb over to him, straddling my legs on each side of his stomach.

“There.” I point to his eyes. “You cut yourself off from everyone, even Charlie, but I see it Kevin. I see the pain and suffering, the vulnerability and the want. What I don’t understand is why we,” my index finger stabs his chest first, then my own, “happened so fast and we can’t learn to control it.”

“You can’t control everything in this world. You may be able to control your grades, who and when you go out, what you say, but not all things are controllable.”

Leaning in to where we are only inches apart, “That is a lame excuse for not being able to control your urges. If you wanted too, you would.” Pushing back in attempt to gain some distance doesn’t work. Just being this close to him is sending my heart pounding, my insides yearning for skin to skin contact. This is fogging up my intentions, so I try to climb off. Kevin applies pressure to my legs.

“Wait.” His eyes plead with me, I give in and stay in the current position. “I come from a family of cheaters. My mom and dad have cheated on each other before, but my uncle takes the cake. He cheated with a married woman on his fiancé, resulting in a child. That’s why my parents are gone every weekend, gone visiting his child he never got to see before his death.”

Grabbing his chin tight, I force Kevin to look at me. 

“Because they cheat doesn’t mean you will.”

“No.” His lips squished together look so cute as he tried to talk. “It doesn’t mean I won’t either. I won’t sleep with Clarissa anymore.”

I shake my head. “Not good enough.”

So we come to a stand still. Gold flecks mixed with green and brown stare at me in curiosity. My brown eyes gaze back in solidarity.

“I am not good with ultimatums.”

“I am not good with being second best.”

It’s like Charlie’s voice popped in my head, fight for him Willow. Charlie said those things to me in the car because he believed I wouldn’t be strong enough to fight for Kevin, yet here I am, fighting for what I want.

“Charlie knows. He said you needed someone to fight for you, and may have insinuated that it might not be me. If you believe that Kevin, I will let you go and have your fun.”

Kevin swallows. “And if I don’t?”

“Then you give up the other girls. No relationship status, but monogamy is a must. Just you and me, we will figure everything else out on the way, but I need to trust you Kevin.”

I let my words hang in the air for a moment and climb off. Kevin allows it this time. I figure if he needs a few days to decide, then he can have them. After all, we have only been friends for a month now. Enough to know how each other works, enough to know we like to set each other off. 

The truck shakes and groans in protest as Kevin jumps off. He doesn’t pace, just stands there with his back to me. Hands in his hair, I can see the deep breathing pattern as his back inflates and deflates with every gulp of air. I open my mouth, but no words come out. What can I really say? I’ve put my foot down on the situation, now it’s all his decision. With all this time to myself, what if he decides that he won’t go without the other girls? Then we are back to square one, and he will be booted from my life. My mother and best friend have already pushed me to side, I won’t let the guy I have feelings for do the same, treating me like a rag doll he can use when he feels necessary. I deserve better than that, and he deserves a chance. 

“You don’t ha-”

“Okay.” Kevin turns around with determination set into every feature.

“Okay?” I ask wearily.

“You and me, only you and me.”

Slowly my feet drag until the edge of the truck. Kevin holds out his arms, I jump into them sliding down until we are face to face. Grabbing my hair in one hand as the other holds my body weight, Kevin pushes our noses together. The sincerity in his actions makes me smile, I try not jumping around a like a giddy little girl.

“You have to be patient with me Willow.” I nod, still smiling like an idiot. Maybe that’s the story grandma was talking about. She and grandpa never got along, but she knew there was something worth fighting for in him, so she stuck by his side even after his temporary insanity. Maybe all along, she knew about Kevin and I, sharing the parts where they would effect me the most. Whatever her reason, I now understand that it will be a continuous fight between Kevin and I, but if I never decided to fight for him, then how do I know what might happen in the future for us?

Our lips touch, creating that explosion of electricity between us. We both are smiling and laughing between pecks until Kevin grows serious. His scrutiny envelopes me, I cannot look away. As our lips touch again, they are less hurried and more serious, more tender, deeper than any kiss Kevin has offered before.

Take that, Charlie!

 

No Rest for the Wicked

“What’s up, sleepy head? Using your brain too much last night?”

More like my body, and then my brain later which left very little time for sleep.

“Nothing, just up late studying last night.” I try