Flowers by Nichole Hall (best life changing books txt) 📖

easy for me to slide my finger down the contours of his face, mesmerizing my touch to his skin. My fingers twitch and in response I grip the table turning my fingers white. 

“Willow, you are staring.” I don’t feel embarrassed at all, surprisingly. 

“Yeah well, you seem so content for once. I want this in my memory so I know you aren’t always a hard headed jerk.”

“Class!” The teacher’s voice booms, effectively shutting everyone up. My gaze snaps to him and for the next forty-five minutes that’s where it stays. 

The bell rings, signaling the end of the day for me. It brings a grand smile to my face seeing most of the senior students walking towards their next class. Lucky waits for  us outside the door.

“Man, I think I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, the dried drool on your lips thinks so too.”

“Checking out my kissable lips, brainiac?” Lucky puckers his lips only for me to send a light slap on them.

“My hand was itching for some contact.”

He laughs. Once Kevin has joined us we begin walking again.

“What do you have now?”

“Home. That’s my last class.” I shoot a thumb over my shoulder. Lucky nods, then salutes Kevin and I.

“Go to go. Don’t kill each other.” And he’s off.His sandy blonde hair bounces with every step, every once in awhile through the prong of bodies he finds a hand and slaps it. Man, he has so much energy. 

“Want a ride home? I am done for the day too.” My feet stop working at that moment. Kevin offering a ride home without being drunk? Kevin being nice to me? My hand reaches out to his forehead. “What are you doing Willow?”

“Seeing if you have a fever. Follow my finger.” When I use my index finger to swipe back in forth in front of his eyes, his lips turn down and his eyes remain on mine. 

“Do you want a ride home or not?” Oh yeah, there’s the snappy Kevin I know.

“Sure.” Pushing me forward towards the parking lot, Kevin stays behind me the whole time. His fingers dig into my shoulder, which would have been really nice if they were moving and massaging. The closer we got to his car, the deeper they dig in. Usually, when I fantasize about our touching, it doesn’t involve pain. “Kevin you are hurting me.” I try wiggling, but come on he is stronger than I am.

“Just keep walking.” Once the bodies clear out, and we are out the front doors, Kevin pushes me harder. The urgency in his steps increases my own panic. 

“Kevin-”

“Willow. Shut up. Please.” He adds more sincerely. Even though his touch hasn’t loosened one bit, and there will be bruises tomorrow, somehow it doesn’t frighten me. At first it did, but now it feels almost like protection. Just how Lucky and Herman were at lunch. So if Kevin feels the need to protect me, then I wonder just from who? My mother? Trina or Clarissa? 

Walking over a pouch of grass cuts some time off instead walking the cemented path. His car is now only a few feet away. 

“Kevin! Wait up!” 

Clarissa. 

I think this time we both let our groans be heard. Kevin pushes his keys into my hands, “Go to the car.” He whispers in my ear. Like hell, I am. I want to watch what happens. Shooting me a ‘you will pay later for this’ look, he says nothing else turning around.

Clarissa saunters up. With no preamble, she slides her fingers down his chest. I can just see her imagining him naked, hey I have before. Yeah, okay. I am no better than her. Well, I am because I am not so obvious. Right? Right. 

“So have you given anymore thought about Saturday?”

“I can’t this Saturday.” No sorry, nothing.

“Why?” She pouts. Enter me.

“Sorry we’ve got plans with Charlie and Mandy this weekend. All weekend.” I don’t grab for Kevin or rub up next to him. I stand my ground from where I am at, trying to show her there is no love or sex interests between Kevin and I. My fluttering stomach says otherwise when Kevin agrees. 

“Come on.” She purrs like a cat. “You can always hang out with your friends afterwards.”

“No.” Kevin pushes Clarissa off and heads towards the car, snatching the keys out of my hand. Clarissa’s mature response is to bare her teeth at me. 

“You should trying choosing friends over sex sometime. Obviously you aren’t getting the release of endorphins you so need. Laughing more might help.” i smile sweetly before walking away.

“You bitch.” She mutters. I wave with my hand behind my back for the second time that day. This time, it feels much more exhilarating. 

Necessary Distraction

The rest of the school week goes off much of the same. After the ride home on Monday, in which Kevin sternly told me, “I can take care of myself,” and I responded with, “Yeah, sure seemed like it,” we’ve been at each other’s throats. 

I slap him in the back of the head and he growls and gives me threats. Lucky finds it all amusing, creating ways to set us off. Herman and Lucky both sit on each side of me at lunch still, now acting even more protective as Trina and Clarissa don’t try and hide the whispers to each other while staring at me. Or the laughing in my face or even the snide little comments here and there. 

Mandy hasn’t stood up for me, nor has she joined their little posse. She remains silent, in her little Charlie bubble. Charlie is the one who usually says to knock it off or cut it out. Because of that, my appreciation for Charlie seems to have grown. He isn’t such a bad guy after all. Kevin sits spine straight, but doesn’t come to my defense either. Jerk. 

Even with all of this going on, he is still insistent on giving me a ride home from school everyday. Which, in all honesty, I am superbly grateful for. Nothing beats walking in the heat like sitting with someone in a nice air conditioned car with electricity zipping around molded from constant bickering. 

Grandma is suspicious. Not about Kevin dropping me off, no she still insists that he is a good boy, but about Mandy not coming around as often. I still stick to my school habits of going straight home and doing homework with a bit of studying the next chapters. At night fall is when Mandy would deem safe from my brainiac moments to come over and chat, but she hasn’t. She won’t even call or text me. Which I guess goes both ways, though she is the one acting paranoid and like a jealous feline. I now understand the concept of women not liking women because they understand how each other thinks. Sometimes, it just grows to be annoying and worrisome. I still consider Mandy my best friend, but I don’t know if she feels the same way. That hurts, more than I will admit out loud. 

Friday comes and it’s a different day. Fed up with Clarissa and Trina’s constant blabbering I tell them to shut it at lunch. Trina more or less looked taken aback from my outburst, Clarissa, the sneaky girl she is, now knows she is getting to me. Even more shocking, Kevin stands up for me this time. 

“You guys have something to say about Willow, fucking say it. If not, shut up already.”

Clarissa turned beet red, especially when Lucky and I used each others shoulders to hide our laughter. Our shaking stomachs were dead give aways. 

In physics, I woman up and tell Kevin thanks for sticking up for me. He doesn’t seemed too pleased with my thanks, but it’s all I can give. Maybe he is upset that I am setting up walls between the group. Charlie, Lucky, Herman, Luke (when he is present) and I against Clarissa and Trina with Kevin and Mandy playing Switzerland. 

Class ends, we walk to his car in silence. Once the AC is on and I can feel the coolness reaching every pour, it seems as the appropriate time to ask him.

“Kevin, do you feel I am disrupting your group mojo?”

“My what?”

His glasses shade his eyes, which are usually the hints to his emotional states.

“You know, you were all a tight knit group and the comes along the poor girl with no parents, disrupting that natural setting of your group.”

This is the first time I have ever voiced the white ghost in the room. My parents. 

“Willow..” Kevin sighs. “Your home life has nothing to do with what’s going  on there. Besides there was no group mojo. We let Clarissa and Trina hang out with us because usually they don’t bring drama.”

“Until now. Until I entered the picture.” Looking out the window, I feel like a burden everywhere I go. Hey grandma, mom ditched me, so here I am to live with you. Hey Mandy, I have no friends, be my friend? Hey Kevin, Luke, Herman and Charlie accept me as a third wheel into your group please? Most of all, my mother. Except, she was the one brazen enough to actually up and leave. To be the one and say with more actions than words, that I was truly a burden to her. 

Before I know it, tears are dripping down my face. Quickly they are wiped away. If Kevin notices, he doesn’t say anything. Which sends a slight tingle of appreciation his way. 

The car stops at the curb of Grandma’s house. Hopping out Kevin calls out my name. 

“What?” I can’t make eye contact with him, instead looking at his center console. My voice is full of hurt and pain, raspy with unshed tears.

“Come over tonight.” My eyes snap to his, which are still covered. For some reason, I feel angry. Angry at him for even suggesting what he is, even though a shiver of anticipation disagrees with that. He sits, waiting and waiting some more. Anger and wanting both fifty fifty fighting each other to see who wins. I don’t do relationships, Willow. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my fun either. 

“Call Clarissa for your fun.” I slam the door stomping in the house. 

“Honey, I have some lemonade over here for you.”

Oh good lord, what now? Throwing my backpack on the ground, I sneeze before following grandma’s voice. Sitting at the small kitchen table, rather than the large wooden one just outside the kitchen, two glasses of lemonade stand on coasters. One half empty, the other completely full. My stomach drops to my toes, dread and fear all at once have me breaking out in a full sweat of terror. Lemonade, two glasses, one already somewhat gone. Something bad has happened, and I have no idea what it could be.

“Take a seat, Willow.” Everyday her voice sounds more tired and tired. It kicks the old worry in me that I am losing time with her, leaving me alone in this world. I take a seat next to the full cup of lemonade.

“Spit it out, grandma.” Usually she would reprimand my harsh tone, she only shakes her head.

“It’s hard Willow, to tell you what I have to.”

I swallow a thick lump of nothing into my deserted throat. 

“What is it?”

“I want no reaction or outburst and no interrupting until I have finished, do you understand?” I can