Alphabet Slave by Kaila Carper (book recommendations for teens txt) 📖

I trust anyone. People have lost my trust. I can never see them the same again. Even if they question me I will not answer. If they prod me and poke me I will not respond. The new me…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow I make it to lunch without running. The second half of the day will be more tricky. I will have to control my feelings better. I have gotten lucky so far. Not many people have really talked to me. I grab a juice and an apple and head off somewhere secluded. I will survive this. This is not the worst thing to happen to me. I will make it through these next few months and graduate. Then I will never have to think of this ever again. I walk down the hall and stop before that door. The memories are forever burnt into my mind. Our voices, the laughter and the fun we use to have. I continue walking… no more, no more…. Please stop! I feel as though there is more than one voice in my head. Yet it is just my different feelings. The end of the hall leads to a nice area where not many people go. There is one exception… just one. I walk outside but do not stop. This little area with its bench and flowers only brings pain to me now. The memories waft over me. It was my favorite study area… was, past tense. I would carry my work out here during study hall… it was the only place I could get away. Now there are no places to get away. I was sitting there as usual when he came along. That is how we first met. I wish I had never met him. I wish I had not came out to study that day. I should have stayed in the classroom like everyone else. I would have met him anyway though. I guess it was a unavoidable occurrence. I continue past this place going around the side of the school. There is a nice tree which seems to be calling my name. I walk over and sit down under its shade. There are many trees out here. I guess it was our school trying to protect the environment.
This place is one giant nightmare. There is no escape is there? Even after I graduate it will continue. It will haunt me forever. I will never have a normal relationship. After what happened its impossible. I sip on my juice and look around. I wish I could draw still. That has been ruined for me as well. I bite into the apple. It is to sweet but what else is new? The only thing my bitterness has not ruined is this apple. I should enjoy it until it is gone.
As I finish my perfectly dark lunch I hear a crunch behind me. It is either a bird or a person. Yet why would someone else be out here? Is it another person like me? I twist around to look behind me but no one is there. Oh well why would someone else be like me? I push myself off the ground and head back inside. Before I get even two steps away I hear another crunching noise. I whirl around to see a guy inching away from the tree. How could I not have seen him? My senses must be off. He stops and looks as though he was caught in a horrible act.

‘I was… um… umm… that is kind of my tree… I’m sorry!’

What should I do? He did not do anything wrong. He did not bother my lunch really. I am going to let him go. I shrug my shoulders and turn around. Why bother myself with a guy. Isn’t it better to ignore them? Although what’s with the that’s his tree thing? You can’t claim a tree can you? Really you can’t even claim land. Yet that is another subject. Back into the school I go. I do not even glance over at the bench on my way back in. Ignore it… ignore it. There is a trashcan right inside the doors so I can throw my trash away. Me and the trash are similar in ways. We were both discarded… both thought of as disgusting and used. That is not the only things. Well better get to class… I can catch up on my classes now. I do not think it is wise to have study hall right after lunch. That is my own thoughts, mostly because everyone will just sleep. Including the teacher. Be angry… be angry. I have to keep reminding myself…. Do not give in…. A is for Anger.
B for Betrayal

I can’t do this. I can not be this person. I can not… no I must. If I do not be this person then who am I? Maybe I should just graduate early… get out of here as soon as possible. I sit in the chair by my window. I can’t sleep… I can never sleep… It is almost impossible to sleep. Especially now… its like my body is waiting. It is like I expect something to happen… just like last time. Will I always live in fear? Every time I close my eyes I can picture it. To get to sleep I have to sleeping medicine. There is something not right with me. I hold my legs close to me.
I feel so betrayed… that is going to be today’s thing. I will think about the betrayal and it will help fuel the anger. I will hold that anger close to me. It will help me get through this. I will get through this. Avoiding it is not an option at this point. Eventually I will get over this. Maybe in a few years, or decades. I may have to be prescribed medicine for this. Or maybe I will be admitted into a place. As long as I am safe… I close my eyes and it all comes back. His whispers in my ear… the warnings. I willingly believed him… why did I just believe him like that? His rough voice sounded so compelling. It was so authoritative you just couldn’t go against him. He was always telling me not to tell anyone… saying they wouldn’t believe me. Telling me that they would laugh at me… that we would both get in trouble. I now know that it wasn’t worth it. If we could get in trouble why do it in the first place? I was to mystified then to even think about that. When I open my eyes again I am back in my room. Far away from that place and time. I do not want to go back… It is behind me in the past.
At one point I really had feelings for him… at one point… Not anymore, that is over. I am not going to waste anymore time on him. He was not at school yesterday… I do not know why. I am not going to care. I must tell myself that so I will stop obsessing. I will focus on that betrayal. That is my focus for today. I will think of my anger and that betrayal. Nothing else will be allowed in. Noting else…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last class of the day… the class I have been waiting for. Why does it have to be the last class? In a way it is a good thing. Of course it had to be the poetry class. One of my old favorite things. Not anymore… poetry is dead to me. I grab out a sheet of paper and start sketching on it. Might as well ignore everything as best as I can. If he comes over to me… I am going to glare… I will focus on that hate. I will focus on that betrayal. Nothing else will get in. I will not work in here. No one can make me. I sketch out the basics of a face. I slowly fill in the details. Add nicely shaped eyes and eyebrows. Thin nose with a mischievous smile. Then add the hair… When I am finished I notice it looks like someone I have seen before. Oh well… I fold the paper up and shove it into my folder. People are talking all around me… I look over and see him. He is talking with probably his next victim. If only I could warn her. I look away… it is none of my business. The front of the class is boring. I can’t stand it in here. I feel as though I am suffocating. I grab my bag and my lone folder. it’s the middle of class but there is no rule saying I can’t leave. Especially when I feel nauseous. Though they might not accept the reason… I saw someone’s face and it made me want to get sick.
I head for the door when a hand grabs my shoulder. I look behind me to see him. He is touching me… he is touching me. Cursed hands! I glare heavily but he does not seem to notice.

‘Where are you going? Leaving class so soon?’

I purse my lips and shake his hand off. I am not talking to him. He is the last person I want to converse with. I don’t care if he tries to get me in trouble. It won’t work… because what if I don’t keep quiet anymore? I know now that I won’t get in nearly as much trouble as he will. I will probably get scolded… and if they want proof I have plenty. I would grin but I keep my emotions down. I walk out the door and do not look back. Where do I want to go? I can’t home at the moment… home is like a war zone. My mother keeps coming at me trying to question me. She doesn’t understand what I’m going through I can’t tell her anyway. Maybe one day I will talk to her about it at the moment no. My father could not care less what goes on. He is to busy having his hand up his new secretaries skirt. He’s a creep like most. The middle age pervert… it’s the more well known pervert. Of course it comes in variety.
The hallway at this time of day is so much nicer. There are no people out to bother me. However there is that annoying footstep sound behind me. Keep walking… don’t look back. Something smacks into me and knocks my folder out of my arms. I fall forward trying to grab my folder. What weird person would dare knock into me? I look up to see the guy from yesterday. He looks down at me and then his eyes get big.

‘Sorr….sorry…. I’m so sorry… please forgive me. Don’t kill me!’

He thought I was going to kill him. Well that’s new… is that the new rumor going around? I’m a killer how pleasant. That’s just what happens within being back one day. I try to keep